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Tylore

New here, kinda wanna get my experience off my chest

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Several weeks ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend, feeling horrible and guilty because my feelings for him had faded almost as soon as he reciprocated. Yet, since I felt guilty for how fast they changed with what at the time felt like little warning (in hindsight, whenever I ever thought of confessing to others, I was more scared of them feeling the same than being rejected, I actually preferred the idea of being rejected) I had forced myself to stay for far longer than I should’ve. In the aftermath of our breakup, I felt immensely bad about all this, and tried to find an explanation for feeling like this. Eventually, I found the label lithromantic, and furiously researched it, it’s connection to stone identity, the controversy, anything I could get my hands on, and decided to identify with one of its alternatives, Apromantic. I still want more information on Apromantic though, I couldn’t find who made it, so if anyone knows that would be great. Long story short (or more accurately, medium), I found here!

tl;dr: stupid boy falls for his best friend, confesses to then dates him, only to discover he’s apromantic.

Edited by Tylore
Original post had bad grammar haha

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Hello! I see you've already gotten around to making some posts, but welcome anyway, I'm happy you found us!

I'm not apro, but I have been in a similar situation where I thought I felt romantic attraction, confessed it and then had to break it off. It's an awful feeling that I think a lot of people here can relate to. It's easy to feel like it's your fault but staying in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to is only destructive for everyone involved. Romantic attraction is an abstract mess and for many people the only way to figure ourselves out is to experiment and learn from our mistakes.

Have some aro ice cream and don't be so hard on yourself :aroicecream:

Edited by Oatpunk
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7 minutes ago, Oatpunk said:

Hello! I see you've already gotten around to making some posts, but welcome anyway, I'm happy you found us!

I'm not apro, but I have been in a similar situation where I thought I felt romantic attraction, confessed it and then had to break it off. It's an awful feeling that I think a lot of people here can relate to. It's easy to feel like it's your fault but staying in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to is only destructive for everyone involved. Romantic attraction is an abstract mess and for many people the only way to figure ourselves out is to experiment and learn from our mistakes.

Have some aro ice cream and don't be so hard on yourself :aroicecream:

Thank you so much, it’s been so relieving to know I’m not alone. (Also, thank you for the icecream, it looks delicious :D) 

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I've never heard of apromantic. What makes you prefer that one over lithromantic?

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Hiya!

Let me start off with "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" with the dating a friend thing only to realize later I'm aro. That's 13 months of my life I'm never getting back, and to be honest we should have broke it off 2 months in, but amatonormativity is a bitch and we both suffered for it. Haha, I can only hope your ex took it better than mine. My ex and I are finally learning to be friends again 6-7 months after the break up. 

Similar to you when I was looking for info, I found the term lithromantic and it fit at the time. However, I am now wondering if I am lithromantic or if I was just suffering from amatonormativity. Idk if its due to the lack of in person socialization due to the pandemic or if it is due to the fact that I am aware that I am aro, but I am not wanting a romantic relationship like I was a year and a half ago. So, yeah, idk. All I know is that I'm aro and I'm happy. 

I wish you the best of luck in discovering more about yourself and finding happiness!

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Aw man, I did this twice! I feel you, that sucks so hard. I'm glad you were able to figure out what you needed to do in the end; it can be really hard to take a step back and ask yourself what's making you unhappy, if the thing that makes you unhappy is something you feel obligated to have/want/do/etc. Congrats on finding this part of yourself and welcome to the forum!!

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53 minutes ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Aw man, I did this twice! I feel you, that sucks so hard. I'm glad you were able to figure out what you needed to do in the end; it can be really hard to take a step back and ask yourself what's making you unhappy, if the thing that makes you unhappy is something you feel obligated to have/want/do/etc. Congrats on finding this part of yourself and welcome to the forum!!

Thanks! It was though haha, I’ve been trying to be better at that lately though ^v^

1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

I've never heard of apromantic. What makes you prefer that one over lithromantic?

‘Lith’ is a nod to stone identity, which is A.sometimes considered an exclusively lesbian/transmasculine label (depending on whether or not you want to open the label up) and B. Historically more of a sexual identity, whether it be preference in certain sex activities that is considered unusual, or landing on the ace-spectrum, so I feel like it doesn’t translate as well to a romantic identity? Also, the word root means apart instead of stone, which feels more accurate to the label itself, at least to me.

1 hour ago, Atlamillia Pixie said:

Hiya!

Let me start off with "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" with the dating a friend thing only to realize later I'm aro. That's 13 months of my life I'm never getting back, and to be honest we should have broke it off 2 months in, but amatonormativity is a bitch and we both suffered for it. Haha, I can only hope your ex took it better than mine. My ex and I are finally learning to be friends again 6-7 months after the break up. 

Similar to you when I was looking for info, I found the term lithromantic and it fit at the time. However, I am now wondering if I am lithromantic or if I was just suffering from amatonormativity. Idk if its due to the lack of in person socialization due to the pandemic or if it is due to the fact that I am aware that I am aro, but I am not wanting a romantic relationship like I was a year and a half ago. So, yeah, idk. All I know is that I'm aro and I'm happy. 

I wish you the best of luck in discovering more about yourself and finding happiness!

Oof, I’m lucky mine took it so well. Also, it probably is because of the pandemic, most people have been discovering new things about themselves, I think the isolation just helps with that (god, now I wanna look into effects of isolation studies). Best of luck to you too, thank you!

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Hi

That experience does suck, but I'm sure you will find plenty of people here who have went through similar things. Good to hear he took it well though, always nice to hear people being decent about a breakup.

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