clownblegh Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 (edited) Back in July, I came out to a friend (with whom I have a sort of “romantic” history, which started before I questioned my romantic identity). I sent her a long text pouring my thoughts and feelings of confusion and discomfort out and her only reply was “if it makes you happy” and that was it. What she said isn’t the worst way to reply but I felt like, after something serious & important like that, that‘s like a “whatever”. It felt very dismissive. Now listen, I get it. Not everyone knows how to react in those situations and not everyone knows about some identities so it’s a lot to take in but still. Saying “if it makes you happy” sounds like something you tell someone when they CHOOSE to do something and we all know that these identity aspects are not choices. If felt especially weird since she herself is part of the lgbtq+ community. Idk it just hit wrong. I was definitely expecting more engagement or acknowledgement and that’s all I got, which was upsetting. It seemed like it wasn’t that important to her. After that short text convo, we went on with life like nothing happened. She still acted the same with “romantic” gestures. And I’m not uncomfortable with them all the time but sometimes I am and I’ll tell her and she’ll get upset and say “I’m just trying to be sweet and you won’t let me!! Ughh”. (Which is something she did even before I came out as aro. Now I don’t think she’s ever reacted that way to be outright rude, I understand that it’s hard in this society for people (mainly allo) to really comprehend the idea that someone wouldn’t like romance but like it’s still not an okay way to react, right???) but then I’ll tell her again that sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and she’ll just stay silent for a while until she changes the subject. Not in the obvious way of “ok……anyways” but rather she doesn’t even acknowledge that I said anything and seemingly silently waits until she thinks I’m done with it or over it and then talks about something else. My aro-ness doesn’t come up in casual conversation very often but the few times it does, it’s like she’s not really paying attention to what I say about it. I’ve brought her reactions up recently and she told me that she just didn’t/doesn’t know how to react to it. Am I in the wrong or dramatic for being upset about that? I’m trying to be understanding but it’s just upsetting that it seems like it’s not an important thing to her and that she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that it’s a thing. (It’s also kind of upsetting that I’m the only one that seems to be trying and putting so much effort into being understanding here…) Edited September 9, 2020 by punknoya 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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