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Questions for non-SAM aromantics


Violet Stars
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How would you describe your sexual feelings, if you absolutely had to?

Why do you choose not to follow the split-attraction model?

How did you find this label for yourself?

I'm just curious, that's all. I've never heard of non-SAM aros before joining this forum, and I'm curious to learn about you all!

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I choose to go with the label grey-sexual, since it tends to make the most sense to others and me, but that’s just because I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum. I’m only 16, so I don’t want to pick a sexual label, although I’m definitely aro :)  

If I had to describe my feelings, I’d say that I like the idea of sex, but would never ever actually participate. I love hugs and cuddles and kisses (sometimes), but when it comes to sex... not so much. 
 

At the moment, the split attraction model just doesn’t fit me, so I’m just grey for now!

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It's a little weird, since i technically only describe myself as just "aro" (i dont use "non sam aro" that much anymore, but the feeling is there) but i also can, in some case, call myself allosexual in some cases. Not really ace that being said.

 

The thing is : it's blury ! my sexual attraction is few and a little unsure , but i am not really ace either. I do not want a "grey sexual" label. Nothing against them, i just feel like a blank space open to diverse possibilities is better. 

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I'm kind of non-SAM aro in the sense that I'm 1000x more likely to talk about or emphasize my being aromantic than asexual. Like, if I had to choose between having an aro flag and an ace flag, I would choose aro because it's just more important to me, and shapes me as a person more. That's not to say I won't talk about being asexual, or pretend I'm not. Being aroace was always kind of non-SAM to me to begin with since they're both a- labels, like how my friend who is panromantic and pansexual always just says pansexual. Even my mom uses asexual when she really means aromantic. That's just my experiences and thoughts though!

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  • 6 months later...

It's kind of funny cause I figured I was ace first, then aroace, then had a Major gender crisis for like a year and a half, then circled back around to realizing that I'm actually pretty neutral (and maybe even favorable!) towards sex. But absolutely romance repulsed. Just. Euhhhh. Not for me. So I was relating a Lot to the aroallo things I saw posted around, and eventually I dropped the ace, a bit. I think I'm still technically asexual, but combining my desire to have sex without a romantic relationship, and my preference for women/nb people, I haven't been feeling very much like it. Sure, I still don't feel any desire to bang someone when I look at them. But I can't really relate to the aroace stuff either. So I kind of--idk, stuck in the middle. My romantic orientation has had so much more of an impact on my life and the way I see the world, and even tho I absolutely support SAM users, being aro just kind of feels like it trumps everything else, y'know? It's the one part of my orientation/gender I'm absolutely certain of. 

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  • 11 months later...

I guess if I absolutely had to, it would be Quoisexual? I don't use the SAM because it doesn't feel important(to me). My culture doesn't really talk about sexual activities so it would be essentially useless for me to identify with a sexual orientation. Plus, I feel my Aromanticism affects me way more than my confusion on sexual attraction. I also don't ID with Quoisexual/Ace-spec because I actually joined AVEN but most of its topics seem to encompass romantic attraction so I just felt like I didn't belong there. Not invalidating those who use SAM, it's just not for me.

Edited by Aya
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On 8/2/2020 at 4:24 AM, Violet Stars said:

How would you describe your sexual feelings, if you absolutely had to?

I'd describe it as: 'I don't care'.

On 8/2/2020 at 4:24 AM, Violet Stars said:

Why do you choose not to follow the split-attraction model?

Because the fact I don't experience romantic attraction has more influence on my life more than other types of it.

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I'm more neu aro than non-SAM, in that I don't consider myself allosexual or asexual. But I feel like the two (neu aro and non-sam) can overlap heavily and I can definitely relate to the feeling of being "just aro."

On 8/1/2020 at 10:24 PM, Violet Stars said:

How would you describe your sexual feelings, if you absolutely had to?

It's complicated... if I really had to I'd probably say gray-bisexual or aego-bisexual. I'm also otherkin/alterhuman and use the medusan label.

I've half-jokingly described my sexuality as "yes and no, at the same time, and those two sides don't get along" before. I think I lean more towards being allo; the concept of sex is important to me and it's something I want (though I don't think I'd need it in a relationship) but I just experience very little attraction. My sexual feelings are mainly directed at fictional characters and monsters, and IRL people under limited circumstances.

 

On 8/1/2020 at 10:24 PM, Violet Stars said:

Why do you choose not to follow the split-attraction model?

I have a very difficult time relating to other bi people and bi experiences/culture, to the point where the word is practically meaningless to me. In terms of ace/allo stuff, I can feel equally out of place in both allosexual and asexual spaces when sex is brought up, and I've never really connected with ace-spectrum identities. Calling myself a "bi aro" just feels disingenuous. Plus, being aromantic is the most important part of my orientation, and labels for my sexuality are (typically) secondary. I also feel like my aromanticism influences my sexuality.

 

On 8/1/2020 at 10:24 PM, Violet Stars said:

How did you find this label for yourself?

I think I was first introduced to the concepts of neu aro and non-sam aro on the Arocalypse discord server when I was still there? But I typically just call myself aromantic and leave it at that.

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  • 10 months later...

personally, my sexuality is  like spare change between the couch cushions, i dont know where it is and i dont really care about it. if i really had to label my sexuality, id label it as aromantic because no matter i may feel, ill always view through the lens of being aro. my sexuality is not something i really think about or something that affects me. my aromanticism, however, is like super important and affects every aspect of my life and worldview. i identify with it so much more than any sexuality ive tried to label myself as in the past. i must have  found it on some random tumblr post? maybe one of those posts with a bunch of different arospec flags, or maybe during a tag deep dive, im not really sure, but tumblrs definitely where i found it :)

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On 8/2/2020 at 4:24 AM, Violet Stars said:

How would you describe your sexual feelings, if you absolutely had to?

 

Confused.

On 8/2/2020 at 4:24 AM, Violet Stars said:

Why do you choose not to follow the split-attraction model?

 

Because I don't feel like describing other types of attraction would change something in the way I'm seeing various things, while being aromantic does.

Edited by Jigen
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  • 1 month later...
Guest Ava

How would you describe your sexual feelings, if you absolutely had to?

I would easily describe them as hetero demisexual. I've only felt what I believe is sexual attraction only to people I've formed an emotional bond with, which in this case is just my first, current and only SO. In terms of the idea of sex, I don't mind it in other circumstances, but in terms of my SO, mostly sex postive because of that emotional bond formed. Now this does also mean I'm demiromantic(also hetero), but I'm choosing to use this label because it's simple and I think non sam aro applies to the aro spectrum too. Maybe it can be that I can use the made up label: non sam demiromantic, but people can call me simply non sam aro and/or demiromantic. 

Why do you choose not to follow the split-attraction model?

Mainly because I've only ever seen my attraction as romantic and sexual all in one unit. I always grew up thinking that way and that sex/sexuality was just an extension in the romantic attraction. Now it doesn't mean I don't have a sexual orientation, but more of the sense of seeing my sexual label as equal to my romantic label. 

How did you find this label for yourself?

I originally went through so many labels before I settled with demi aroace, but then I saw that one, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different and I see them both as one unit; two, I didn't connect with the demi aroace label as much anymore, and three, all my previous labels I was searching for were all aromantic labels. Non SAM aro was one of those labels and I didn't get it much, but now I look at it and realize that my sexual orientation isn't as important as my romantic orientation. Plus, aromanticism is a huge part of my identity and more significant than my asexuality. 

I'm just curious, that's all. I've never heard of non-SAM aros before joining this forum, and I'm curious to learn about you all!

I'm glad you're curious about this label. And I don't blame you for your curiosity because not a lot of people talk about it. Thank you!

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