So, I'm aroace (completely and totally, I've never had anything approaching a crush in my life) and currently in a QPR with a fantastic and amazing person. It's the first relationship I've been in and I really care about her a lot--more for her mind than anything else. I love the bantering, inside jokes, hugs, holding hands, etc, and tho I don't have a crush on her, the...queerplatonic? attraction is up there. But I'm still not a romantic person (no rose colored glasses or hearts in my eyes, I've gone into this relatively clear headed, I think).
She's biro and demisexual, and definitely has feelings for me in both ways. I don't really feel pressured into doing anything, I know we can work together to find where we're both comfortable, but here's the thing: if she has feelings for me, how do I know that she actually cares about ME. Like, I've never had a crush or sexual feelings, but I know that sometimes they come without actually liking the person. People get crushes on people they don't even know, and see them as better than they are because of it.
I went into this knowing her flaws and mine, and knowing that she was a person I wanted to be with regardless. But without having a crush, would she have done the same?
I just. Crushes sound so FAKE. Like oh wow a person I barely know, guess I've got butterflies and want to be with them all the time. And I know they happen, I guess, but I have no idea and no context for whether those feelings mean something. Are they even real? Would she like me without them? If they go away, will she realize that she doesn't like me enough?
I just. Yeah. Would appreciate input from both aros and alloromatics. Cause I certainly have no clue what the hell I'm doing.