Another common myth

[Queen of Spades]

When thinking of aromanticism and all the misconceptions associated with it, the first to pop into our minds would undoubtedly be the classic, ignorant "aromantic people can't feel love". This issue has been discussed countless times so far, and a bunch of sound arguments have been lain on the table in order to show that this bullshit is not true. Unfortunately, this misconception is not the only one of its level. The other one, somewhat less talked about, is that "aromantic people are happy to be single". While this applies indeed to quite a few of us, it is far from being a general rule. I know a person who is a regular heteromantic, yet she said she doesn't envisage herself sharing her life with a partner. Then why wouldn't the reverse be true as well? There are aromantic people who seek a relationship which might look like a typical romantic one from the outside, but this does not make their aromanticism less valid. I am one of them. One of my biggest wishes is to find someone to share my life with. The kind of relationship I seek does have some elements which are traditionally considered romantic (more specifically, the intimacy: kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc.). And yes, like many people, I feel this need to be someone's number one. "But how is this different from romantic attraction??", many may ask. Well, I'll tell you how. I never walk around the streets, spot a random guy, and think "YOU". It's this spark thing that I'm alienated from. And the dating/flirting thing. And the so-called butterflies in the stomach. And the idea of falling. Because I don't *fall* in love, I walk into it. And when I do, my feelings are strong. Different from normal friendship, but nor are they romantic in nature because like I said, I don't get over the moon and stuff. And if the feelings are not reciprocated, I respect it. But this doesn't mean I don't suffer. On the contrary, I am devastated. And as my feelings are not the result of a chemical attraction, the pain always remains. And I fear that I might never find what I seek.    

[DaviM703]

I feel exactly the same way. I am also afraid of never finding it, and I think for me the whole world being shut down is making that fear worse because of what this situation would be like if I lived alone and all the people I considered friends had partners at home. As of right now, I have one really good friend who I think would be perfect for that but she isn't sure she wants the same thing which is pretty hard for me since it's so hard to find people I can form the type of connection with that I have with her.

[Adriano]

I 100% agree with you. Aromantic love is beautiful(for me and us, aros), but almost no one understands that Maybe they can't feel that, as we can't feel their love? That's interesting

[Neir]

It's tough because I feel like if communal living was more acceptable in the society I live in, I'd be much happier as an aro. I, too, am not happy bein entirely independent. "Single," to me, has felt very lonely. It's difficult because I don't necessarily need or want a particular relationship to fulfill my social needs (I generally consider myself nonamorous, though I've been questioning that lately), but romance sometimes seems to be the only feasible option (or at least the path of least resistance). Aro love, just as you've all said, can be very alienating but also very special. I feel for you. It's different in a way that alloromantic folks don't seem to understand. It's nice to hear your perspectives; thank you for sharing.

[Momo]

6 minutes ago, running.tally said:

It's tough because I feel like if communal living was more acceptable in the society I live in, I'd be much happier as an aro.

 

I wish communal living was more widely accepted in general. As someone classified as disabled by a lot of people, living on my own just isn't really feasible. But whenever I mention that I live with a woman (I'm an AMAB enby) I get Looks. Those looks only intensify if I say we used to date (before I realised I was aro).

[Magni]

Yeah, I'm currently in college but one of my biggest worries for after I graduate is I doubt my ability to live alone and independently, especially because of disability reasons.  And I doubt my ability to find a friend I could live with and stuff, so yeah I wish communal living was more of a thing.

[WrenIsMyRealName!!!]

I'm aro and I don't feel love. Sorry for perpetuating a stereotype. 

[Neir]

@WrenIsMyRealName!!! Just existing doesn't mean you're perpetuating that stereotype, don't worry. Stereotypes are something systemic. This thread is more for those of us who feel connected to aromanticism but in a way that challenges common perceptions. It's important to acknowledge all of us, including the aros who don't feel romantic love or even any kind of love at all. And we certainly do.  The community has diversity we like to talk about and connect on in these spaces.