Confirmed Bachelor Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 http://elitedaily.com/dating/7-things-perpetually-single-people-sick-hearing/1443638/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Very nice. I wish more people understood this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerformativeSurprise Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Good points. I've never understood why people think being single equals being miserable . I'm getting to the age where being single is seen as a defect, and it is frustrating. When I was younger, people always said, "Oh, she's just mature and concentrating on her studies!" People always seem to need excuses for why someone is single--then it's okay. But firmly being in the adult category and being consistently single is unfathomable, apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Kinda sad that we still need to point out that not every single person is damaged somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyFenton123 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynx Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Oh god the confidence one. I do have confidence issues, it's generally quite obvious to people I spend some time around, but this is totally unrelated to my unwillingness to date! No one seems to be able to separate the two. That's not where my confidence problems lie, I'm sure I would seem like a damn good partner if I was actually interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 I don't fit with this very well. 1) I like companionship but often suck at it badly. Though I have no interest in finding "the one" or being though of that way by anyone else. 2) Feels like most people treat me as though I am asexual. I'm "picky" in the sense that I'm only really interested in people seeking something similar to me... 3) I do feel unfulfilled because I can only share my life in some of the ways I'd like to. Plenty of things I enjoy which are simply not possible on your own. 4) Often nobody appears to notice much that I'm single. Though those that do appear confused that I'd want something other than being "coupled". 5) For me its very much "circumstance" rather than "choice". Regardless of technology there dosn't appear to be anyone, within a practical distance, who would offer me any kind of "date". 6) Generally don't get asked. I'd be happy to try and explain things... 7) There's a meme called "show don't tell". So it would be nice it I wasn't being told that I was "lovely", "sweet", "cute", etc. Instead be far better to be invited to do stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lume Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Hum, while I think it's really important to assert that single persons need not be searching for the love of their life or otherwise lead a miserable life, I feel somewhat uneasy about this article in some regards. To be sure, I agree with most of its assertions, but sometimes, it makes the impression that the author needs to "normalize" their single status by giving "very good" excuses. E.g.: Quote I literally do not have the time to dedicate to someone else. I work a lot. I have several large goals I’m working on accomplishing and several hobbies that take up a lot of my time. I have a lot of things that take me out of town often. My friends get mad that they don’t see me enough. Can you imagine what a boyfriend would feel like? Yeah, he would feel severely neglected Okay, so your excuse is not having enough time and wanting to spare your potential boyfriend. How nice. But being single is still a valid choice when you have plenty of time, are unemployed, have no hobbies and no friends at all. Quote Our lives are not unfulfilling just because we aren’t sharing them with someone Yes, true, but why this hush to confirm that one's life is fulfilling? Maybe life simply sucks because you're stuck in a stupid job, your friends are numbsculls and your family is a pain in the ass, and you don't know how to pay your rent. This still does not affect your single status and its validity. Quote Again, I am single by choice. If I wanted to go out and date around, I could do so very easily. Glad for you. So, if you're a socially awkward single person, and probably could not that easily find a date if you wanted to, you would atomatically be less "single by choice"? Does your choice need testing in practice to be vaild? I don't think so. Quote We’re not asexual Bah, that's a cheap one. What does that even mean "WE're not asexual"? Does the author speak for every single in the world? I, for instance, AM asexual. This does not affect my single status. Sure, they're replying to common misconceptions single people face, but in my opinion, instead of assuring them that this is not the case, that their lifes are as meaningful, as social, as "normal" as coupled persons' lifes are, we should stop comparing our lifes to that ideal (which is even stupid for coupled persons: just because you have a S.O. doesn't mean your life is "meaningful" automatically), and question this ideal instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I think when she mentions "we're not asexual", she really means "we're not all asexual". Similar to how we say that asexuality doesn't mean we aren't interested in romantic relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lume Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Quote I think when she mentions "we're not asexual", she really means "we're not all asexual" I think so, too. But then, she should write it like that. I am growing a but impatient with neglectful wordings, since these shape perceptions of reality, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerformativeSurprise Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 7 hours ago, Lume said: Sure, they're replying to common misconceptions single people face, but in my opinion, instead of assuring them that this is not the case, that their lifes are as meaningful, as social, as "normal" as coupled persons' lifes are, we should stop comparing our lifes to that ideal (which is even stupid for coupled persons: just because you have a S.O. doesn't mean your life is "meaningful" automatically), and question this ideal instead. While I agree that the ideal needs to be questioned, I think that usually you first have to make subtle changes to the general mindset before overthrowing it completely. People often don't react well to just upending an entire social construct. For social change to be effective, sometimes you have to first get people to accept that there are other ways of viewing the issue. In doing so, they are likely to be more receptive to change. First you fix the misconceptions within the social framework currently in place, showing that things are less black and white than they appear. Then you can take it further and question the framework itself. Although it's frustrating to take things gradually, I think it can be the most effective and lasting route. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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