Jump to content

Touch Repulsed Making What I Actually Want Unclear...


OpenAce
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I have a squish, and its pretty strong. Other than that I want a QPP later in life. I'm AroAce and sex, romance, and touch repulsed. On this page ( http://theasexualityblog.tumblr.com/post/114559247241/list-of-non-sexual-forms-of-intimacy ) is a whole bunch of ways intimacy can be shared in non-sexual ways. Some of these sound really nice, however, i know that i can't 'have' them... Things like playing with each other's hair, moving your head to their chest and listening to their heartbeat/breathing, shoulder-to-shoulder touch/hugs when sitting together,  the kind of hugs The 11th Doctor gives (Doctor Who), and my personal favorite when i need support:

  tumblr_mu0w53JKgn1sv16ixo1_500.gif

Anyway, I say that I cant have these as i am touch repulsed. I think about them, and I really want to try them, possibly with my squish. But, whenever anyone touches me, i just completely withdraw, get really uncomfortable, and it gets awkward between us- even if i know they were just try to help...

In case it's important- i have no idea why im so touch repulsed; if i was never abused or anything like that. Being touched generally triggers my anxiety, but again, im not sure why. It might have something to do with the fact that my senses are very sensitive and it just overwhelms me, but idk...

i dont really know what im asking... I guess, anyone else there who experiences the same thing? Or have any tips to get around it?

Anyway, any responses are appreciated, thanks :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's important to try something if you feel like it. However, if you already know it might cause you anxiety, is it really worth it? "Getting around" something is over-rated if you ask me, because you can find another way to relate to people that suits you better. Physical intimacy can be really nice, but it's definitely not the only way you can be close to someone. And there are lots of non-physical ways to be close to someone that might suit you better and avoid you getting anxiety. What i would do is try to find a balance between things i want to try, and things that won't make me anxious. For example, kissing sounds great to me in theory, but in reality, i'm much happier and more comfortable with hand holding, hugs, shoulder to shoulder touching, forehead touching, and so on. I hope this is somewhat helpful, and that you find what you really want and won't make you feel uncomfortable. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, byebyeshadowlands said:

"Getting around" something is over-rated if you ask me, because you can find another way to relate to people that suits you better. Physical intimacy can be really nice, but it's definitely not the only way you can be close to someone.

Thanks for the advice, but i know that there are other ways, that's what i currently use. But i actually really want to experience this...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I suppose the only way is to find someone to try them with - someone you can talk to about your touch aversion and who will be patient enough to help you test things without taking your reactions personally or something.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

59 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

I suppose the only way is to find someone to try them with - someone you can talk to about your touch aversion and who will be patient enough to help you test things without taking your reactions personally or something.

any ideas of how to broach the subject etc?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

51 minutes ago, OpenAce said:

any ideas of how to broach the subject etc?

Pretty much the same way you did in your original post in this thread I guess? I dunno, I'm bad at stuff like this. :P

Good luck though, and maybe someone else here has suggestions?

 

On a semi-related note, taking up martial arts helped me get over about 90% of my touch repulsion. Lots of grabbing and throwing and whatnot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

On a semi-related note, taking up martial arts helped me get over about 90% of my touch repulsion. Lots of grabbing and throwing and whatnot.

thanks, I'll have to look into it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

one thing I will ask, is there a difference between touch you initiate (for whatever reason) and someone touching you with warning and maybe even touching in a formal setting (like some form of sport or if little kids touch you when you are in charge of looking after them)?

I react differently to all of these in a not-terrible way when my touch aversion/repulsion is flaring up - of course being surprised touched is not on the list as it is the worst kind of touch. 

 

Is your squish the best person to ask? I know being all squishy on them makes them your target but are you friends with them and do you trust them to respect you and your feelings?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

one thing I will ask, is there a difference between touch you initiate (for whatever reason) and someone touching you with warning and maybe even touching in a formal setting (like some form of sport or if little kids touch you when you are in charge of looking after them)?

Yeah, Im okay with accidental touch- eg. occasional bumping into people when walking in a crowd. Same with sport contact, even things like touch football is okay (tackle might be a different story though), i used to do gymnastics and was okay with being spotted for skills. Sometimes I will initiate a hug when one of my friends (who's love language is touch) is having a rough time, this is only for a very select couple of people and they all know that it is one off- in those situations its uncomfortable, but that's all, i can handle it.

I'm alright with hand-to-hand contact like high fives and stuff like that. I cant stand being touched at all on my torso, even pats on the back are difficult.

 

4 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said:

Is your squish the best person to ask? I know being all squishy on them makes them your target but are you friends with them and do you trust them to respect you and your feelings?

I am already close friends with my squish- the squish is just wanting to get to know them even better and spending more time with them. I trust them and believe they would respect me and my boundaries. They are on holidays at the moment though, so i might also talk another close friend (again who i trust and who has previously demonstrated they'll respect my boundaries)...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, OpenAce said:

I am already close friends with my squish- the squish is just wanting to get to know them even better and spending more time with them. I trust them and believe they would respect me and my boundaries.

That's good. I was just worried that your squish was on some random or someone you just became friends with. Misplaced trust happens a lot when it is being driven by attraction or one-sided feelings. 

 

starting with touch types you are okay or at least tolerant of is probably the best way, just don't push yourself too far too fast

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah, I posted this:

"I have three kinds of 'friend crushes' (platonic attraction). The first is when i see someone just out in public and i think they look interesting to sit down, have a coffee and discuss life with. The second is when i want to know a peer better and be better friends with them- i know them, they seem nice, cool to talk to, and id like to get to know them better. The third, and generally the strongest for me is when i have a friend that i'm already super close to, and want to deepen that connection even futher. This is my favorite cause i feel really safe with them (cause i already know them really well) and they make me really happy to be around"

Here: 

 

And he's at the third level so...already pretty comfortable. and yeah, slow and steady right? :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

update: one of my friends have agreed to help me try and become a bit less touch repulsed. we've talked about how we're going to take it (very) slowly and come up with a general idea of how we'll start. It's probably going to be a bit uncomfortable, but its someone i trust explicitly and who i know will respect me, and hopefully it will mean that in the future i can be hugged by my QPP... 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, OpenAce said:

update: one of my friends have agreed to help me try and become a bit less touch repulsed. we've talked about how we're going to take it (very) slowly and come up with a general idea of how we'll start. It's probably going to be a bit uncomfortable, but its someone i trust explicitly and who i know will respect me, and hopefully it will mean that in the future i can be hugged by my QPP... 

 

Good luck! i hope you find a way to incorporate touch into your relationships that will make you happy and not uncomfortable! :) it's awesome that you have a good friend to help you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I don't really have any experience to add but I was curious, how does it feel when you touch yourself? If that feels alright maybe another way to get less averse is to touch yourself at different places and pretend its someone else?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I don't really have any experience to add but I was curious, how does it feel when you touch yourself?

like in a sexual way or just in general?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i hate being touched in a sexual way (by myself, and obviously haven't let anyone else try).

generally- i'm fine with touching myself- it doesnt really work to just imagine someone else touching me. I either just know its me or if i imagine someone else well enough I still get uncomfortable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

i can definently relate to this as im touch repulsed aswell i really dont like to be touched and im not sure why but if i give someone a hug consider it special as i do not like being touched i only have a few people i will hug and there close friends to me and its not even like a good hug more of a awkward hug so you know 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so glad to have found this thread I never knew there were some other people being touch-repulsed in this community. I didn't even think the two could be related but it makes a lot of sense now. A lot of alloromantic put touch as the biggest part of showing their romantics affection. It makes sense that us being not attracted to that idea in any way we could be touch repulsed because it's just not important and reassuring for us we just find it creepy and uncomfortable. It makes so much sense to me now.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...