NullVector

Assuming that's true (I don't really interact with any romantic aces myself... well, they mostly aren't on arocalypse ) it could be because the majority of people experience both romantic and sexual attraction and therefore would tend to conflate the two. It might be difficult for them to imagine that somebody could experience romantic attraction without also experienceing sexual attraction. This may lead romantic aces to go out of their way to emphasise that they do indeed experience romantic attraction - just not sexual attraction. But there may be other reasons for it as well.

"Narcissism for two" is one way of describiing this phenomenon (and perhaps lots of romantic behaviours in general?)

I've been watching the anime mushi-shi on netflix recently and I love the slow, dreamy, meditative, melancholic feel it has to it.

@Mark Well, I read the full description on the "twitterpated" page and I'm with Thumper

Hah. I do wonder though to what extent 'allos' also agree with this sentiment, but are just more easiy cowed by societal expectations than we might be? Random aside: I've always been (pathologically!) stubborn/uncompromising when it came to bending to popular pressures (it got me into some trouble early on at high school; until people figured out that I would stand up for myself physically and so left me alone...) But actually, bending to popular pressure does make a certain amount of sense to me. I suppose if you were in a tightly-knit tribal group (i.e. most humans for most of human history) then a degree of social ostracisation might be the difference between life and death. It's not so relevant now, but could go some way towards explaining the degree of conformity to societal expectations a lot of people seem to display? (as in: conformity has a sizeable survival advantage vs. my own idiosyncratic non-conformity?)

I know you're joking a bit here, but actually, gift buying in general is something that has always made feel me a bit uncomfortable. I knda feel here like I'm being emotionally blackmailed by society and/or coproprate advertising into expressing the 'worth' a personal relationship along narrow, market oriented lines. Being encoured toward commodifying human emotional sentiments. It almost feels like an act of sacrilige or idol worship (says the atheist, lol). I don't want to express my feelings towards somebody with a card, or a ring, or whatever. It's totally inadequate and kind of insulting and infuriating to feel manipulated into that (plus it's kind of saying: express your feelings towards this person by feeding the consumerist machine that's killing your planet - this is the only legitimate and generally socially acceptable way of doing so) I wonder if that's just me or something other aros or aro-specs can relate to? Probably I'm over-reacting

@Ice Queen 100 posts, nice work! . Here, have a contextually appropriate cookie: @Nai Here's one for you too, lol:

Today is the day you die I wish that the UN's 2030 Sustainable Development Goals are met ten years ahead of schedule.

@SoulWolf 200th post ^ Woop woop

Having this one word "Love" is super unhelpful, IMO. The Ancient Greeks were much more sensible about it. Philia, Storge, Agape, Eros. There I guess you could actually be reasonably clear about what you meant when you said "I love you". A bit like this popular notion that the Inuit have a bunch of different words for "snow". I think this also accounts for a fair amount of my resistance. I really don't like the idea of telling people lies - and ambiguously communicated intent is almost as bad. When I say "I love you" what do I actually mean? Outside of a lot of context, it's pretty meaningless - even then, there's scope to have what I'm meaning by it misconstrued by the other person. Kind of like when people tell you that they believe in God. Well, it generally takes a long follow-up conversation to tease out what they actually mean by that - and afterwards, you may still not really be sure you've understood one another. I'm fine with telling someone that I: like them, enjoy their company, would miss them if they weren't around, get a lot out of our conversations, want the best for them, their happiness is important to me, they have made me a better person, etc. But that I love them? Nah, I don't like it. It just feels somehow inauthenitc. As if you've just given me some phrase in Urdu to repeat back to you, where I have literally no idea what it means ("saying strange things" as @DeltaV put it). Also, there is often an emotional intensity, rawness and invasiveness coming along for the ride when people start talking about "love" that generally makes me uncomfortable. As if you're touching an open wound, like in this scene*. *Plus I don't really like what Karen Allen says there about caring more for someone else than you do for yourself - I don't think that's a secure basis for love. The Buddha had an interesting take on this, incidentally:

YES! THIS! I always felt this real resistance to saying "I love you" and couldn't figure it out (this was long before I read about the split-attraction model or anything like it).

That's actually pretty funny, considering what Sting said about that song

Yeah, I get that. I read your other thread about it too I (probably) don't want kids either; but for reasons having nothing to do with my being (probably) aro. I think it's not inherently toxic though - it depends on your romantic/sexual 'metabolism'. Like how oxygen is toxic to some microorganisms. Perhaps aros living in today's world are a bit like the poor anaerobes after the photosynthesisers came along?!

Aw, that's rough. Here's an ehug . Is that partly to do with the culture in Romania? I don't know what it's like there - is there a lot of emphasis on marriage and having a family?

Well, again, what's your definition of 'free will' here? From the context, it seems to be something along the lines of: I made a descision but I'm not sure why I made that particular one. But maybe calling that a "free" decision is a bit of an abuse of language - ignorance of external causes determining your actions doesn't imply the lack of such causes. Spinoza says something like this in The Ethics:

Also, Timon & Pumbaa's lament at the end of "Can you feel the love tonight" - that they are going to lose their friend to a romantic relationship - is something that a lot of aros can probably identify with.

@sarcastic kitten Lol. Needs more bagpipes tho:

You, sir, have very good taste Thanks! I was actually speculating in this thread a while back that he might be 'one of us' I liked the song you posted - despite having no idea what they are singing about! Maybe you can shed some light on it? Otherwise, I guess I should go ahead and learn French! Anyway, it's interesing to hear a rap song where the 'beat' is piano driven... I'm kinda running out of French song ideas now (you have the home advantage ) so I guess I can just go ahead and post an old classic:

@sarcastic kitten Does this count? It has French lyrics Leonard Cohen is my God

I think we might be the only ones playing But sure. Kavinsky, he's French

I'm a heterosexual guy. And my ring fingers are quite noticably longer that my index fingers on both hands (probably by around 1cm) Theory proven, case closed

@sarcastic kitten Nice! And I like what they do with it around 2 minutes in. From now on, we shall only post French songs

I used to be pretty touch averse. But after a fair amount of 'exposure therapy' (from one friend in particualr, lol) I quite like hugs/cuddles now. The idea of kissing still weirds me out a lot (I reckon its due to its assumed 'romantic' connotations - unlike hugging, it's generally seen as something reserved for romantic partners - and is portrayed that way in a lot of popular media. Also, for some reason it makes me think of this ) But hey, hopefully that could follow a similar pattern to the hugging? Naaah - it's everyone else 'out there' that's strange You're new here, but you'll soon learn!

Here's a few more: Waiting For The Miracle (Leonard Cohen) After The Goldrush (Neil Young) How To Disappear Completely (Radiohead) Undo (Bjork) Ameila (Joni Mitchell) It's Alright Ma (Bob Dylan) Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush) Hazey Jane I (Nick Drake) Ribs (Lorde) If Children Were Wishes (Wye Oak) Skin (Grimes - thanks go to @DeltaV for introducing me to Grimes on these very forums! ) Bankrupt On Selling (Modest Mouse) The Desparate Kindom of Love (PJ Harvey)

This song means a lot to me. <emotional outpourings> </emotional outpourings> @LunarSeas I approve of your song choices ?