I have made a pact with myself that I will try to contact my ex-friend on every major holiday. It's a compromise between putting up with a hard relationship and completely ghosting him. I don't know. I'm a bit nervous. But hopefully it will go well. I didn't even know we were this close to V Day, honestly.
Seems to me like you are very stressed. If you...say...meditate...or do something else relaxing, you might see this situation more clearly. Here are a couple of videos for you.
AND
Everything Everywhere All At Once was pretty amazing. At first I didn't like it, it took a second viewing and a Cinema Therapy episode to get me to see the genius lol