Iaa

Hi, i first heard the word aromatic in AVEN. I read there about asexuality and immediately knew this is what i am. I also read a bit about aromanticism there but at the time i didn't paid attention to it. Later i was in the internet seeing asexual things and in pinterest especially, i found posts about being aromantic and the struggles, etc. And i started to relate to that. For a time I thought that maybe i was somewhere in the aromantic spectrum but i couldn't tell where. Today i found AUREA and this place and thought maybe some of you could help me. The thing is what is exactly romantic attraction? I used to confuse the different types of attraction, like i liked someone but it was actually aesthetic attraction. But I didn't knew it because nobody ever told me about the different types of attraction. So i liked people aesthetically speaking, and sometimes i would fantasize about being together with them but it was such random and fast thoughts. And i never actually spoke to them. In high school i talked to someone I liked, turned out they were interested too, but once i was there i didn't knew what to say. Like i dont know if it has something to do with me being soo introverted. Opening to people is really difficult to me, trustibg them. But we ended up losing interest. I often think about it could have been if i had not ruined it. Anyway, later in quarantine i messagged them for their birhtday and we talked a bit, and even though I was nervous and all that, it faded away quickly. So being in a a relantionship always felt very far away from me. I think I want to, but im afraid ill lose interest quickly or that once im with someone I realize i dont actually like it. Saw that some of you here always felt awkward with romance in TV, and all that, but i liked that. And in books but im so awkward. I hate to even hug someone, I guess it might have something to do with my asexuality and my introversion. I just dont deal good with people, I actually hate to talk about feelings, but the thing about having a partner was always interesting to me. Love to me means to trust someone, and again, i think I would like to find someone I can trust like that. But i dont even know what im saying anymore The point is, how can i be sure im somewhere in the aromantic spectrum? How do i know I actually want or don't want romance? As I said like one hundred times, i want to fall in love but I think that if somebody actually showed any interest in me (no like that silly highschool thing i had) i would feel completly uncomfortable. Which again i think has something to do with asexuality, but what if maybe I like the idea of love but i have no desire to act on it. Because as I said i never talked to nobody i "liked", because it was aesthetic attraction, but sometimes I would think about what it would be like to be with them. So this is a mess and my English is bad, im sorry but please somebody help me