Cassiopeia

I think it's important to distinguish between gender identity and gender presentation. I'm cis af, but I do fluctuate on the femme-butch spectrum. But I'm not more or less of a woman when I present more butch than when I am feeling more femmeish.  (the  pronouns are more like an accent/language politics thing)

Sounds great.

other topics = intersectionality?

also, maybe Romantic allies and partners of Aros?

172

12 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

@Jade How about grouping sexuality + LGBT into one subforum and romantic allies + grayromanticism into another (the latter forum is less urgently needed than the former and can be postponed)?

 

I don't find it logical to group sexuality with romanticism in a single new forum.

So basically we need a Sexuality and Gender and Romance subforum?

Change

I think a sexuality subforum would make sense, and then we can open threads for all the varieties...

11 hours ago, Chronos said:

You people, at what age more or less you just said "f*** it" and stopped waiting for "the right one"?

tw

/tw

THEY SAID THERE GONNA BE A LOVE TRIANGLE ON SENSE8 SEASON 2. HAVE THESE PEOPLE EVEN WATCHED THIS SHOW?

On 2016. 06. 03. at 5:46 AM, Zemaddog said:

Am I the only one who just really didn't like the word love when I was younger? The word just didn't sit right with me, and I don't think I actually ever said it until I was at least a teenager. Even then, I was hesitant about using it. Maybe it was due to  society associating the word to romance, or the fact that I don't feel like I have ever experienced it (except for maybe my pets). Am I alone in this thinking or are the others who felt the same way?

Yeah I had/have the same... I lt just did not describe how I felt, so it felt like a lie.

That is super awkward in a relationship. Anyway, I usually say something similar like "you are very important to me" or "I'd trust you with everything" or "thank you for being who you are, you mean a lot to me". 

On 10 June 2016 at 8:58 AM, Lume said:

I am not sure whether this is a linguistic thing, but I feel unconfortable with the term "date" in the first section. I would be willing to do much of it, but never, unless ironically, under the term of "date", since that word has a romanting ringing to it. But maybe it's really because I am not a native speaker, in German, the (english) word "date" is used for romantic dates/ initiations of romantic relationships only. 

Shall we add it to the list of words we need? Is there any word that would fit better? Meeting sounds too formal to me. Any other suggestions?

purple

cocoa

THERE IS NO WAY EVERYONE IS FROM FINLAND...

On 2016. 06. 07. at 4:29 PM, aussiekirkland said:

I had a quick read and it was the most foreign thing I'd ever read. I am definitely very aromantic! Haha 

I agree, its strange.

I got five on it. (Past experiences included.)

59 minutes ago, Lynx said:

I like these! But I think I'd probably try to add slightly different answers - perhaps a system like "I want this / I'm okay with this / not sure if I am comfortable with this / do not want".

But that's why you have the boxes ( they meant to be larger, I'll fix it later), so you can write Y, N, and M into them. You have two at each question, so each person has one box, and they can compare the answers.

Y = Yes = I want this / I'm okay with this

N = No = Do not want

M = Maybe = Not sure if I am comfortable with this/Might be okay under the right circumstances/Willing to experiment with it

28 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

Judging by the feedback I once got from romantic aces about such a super-detailed list, I'd advise you to make a short list of main (bullet) points first and then

Ok, so what should go, and what should stay?

Quote

not everyone is ready to approach a relationship so rationally.

...and I'm the aro stereotype again

Discussing and respecting each others boundaries is extremely important.

This sort of talk should come up sooner or later in a sexual setting to ensure mutual consent and explore each others secret desires. Its a more known concept, so your partner is more likely to ask questions like "may I touch your (insert body part)?" or "may I kiss you?" or "how do you like to be touched?".  In cases of courtship rituals or romantic gestures.... well its almost unheard of, people just take it for granted.

Unfortunately people just assume that the other person would totally appreciate these gestures, and surprising one's partner/love interest with them is also a common thing.

(Seriously, if you are a girl, suitors do some random romcom crap to you, out of the blue without asking. It can be quite distressing, especially if you are somewhere on the aro spectrum.)

If you have got something like romance repulsion or some sort of trauma/triggers to deal with, you better talk about these things. I guess nobody wants to freak out their QPP/friend/sex partner/other.

And the gender roles are also culturally defined, usually men are expected to do these things to win and keep the woman's affections. In reality that arrangement may or may not suit the people involved. In case of same sex partners, the roles may not be so obvious.

This is a good way to find out what the other person wants and likes or secretly wishes for.

The idea came from @Mark's comment on the QPP request form in the another thread. Although that has some of this, but I agree, its kinda vague.

I based the structure of it on sexual yes/no/maybe tick lists like this one (commonly used in BDSM/fetish communities). The idea is that the people involved each get a box to tick, so the preferences are easy to compare (this one is for two persons, but I'm working one a poly version). But instead of sex, I tried to gather some common types non-sexual intimacy and romance coded activities. I used various lists (1, 2) and stuff people mentioned to have issues with on this forum.

Anything I should add? Do you find this useful?

The first draft looks like this (still cooking, some parts sound really awkward):

Y = Yes

N = No

M =Maybe

Courting rituals:

Receiving cut flowers  □ □
    Giving cut flowers  □ □
Receiving potted flowers  □ □
    Giving potted flowers  □ □
Receiving a box of chocolates  □ □
    Giving a box of chocolates  □ □
Receiving a small present  □ □
    Giving a small present  □ □
Being invited for a drink  □ □
    Buying a drink for the other  □ □
Being invited for a meal  □ □
    Buying a meal for the other  □ □
Receiving good morning texts  □ □
    Sending good morning texts  □ □
Receiving romantic images/quotes  □ □
    Sending romantic images/quotes  □ □

Dancing closely together
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
        Preferring to lead  □ □
Sharing food □ □
Sharing drinks □ □
Being asked on a date  □ □
    Asking the other on a date (organizing the date)  □ □
Restaurant dates □ □
Cinema dates  □ □
Watching romantic movies together   □ □
Coffee shop dates  □ □
Dance dates  □ □
Ice skating dates  □ □
Camping  □ □
Stay at home dates
    as host  □ □     as guest  □ □
“Netflix and chill”
    as host  □ □     as guest  □ □
Sex dates
    as host  □ □     as guest  □ □     in a neutral location  □ □
Other types of dates  □ □
    person/a .....................................................................................................................
    person/b......................................................................................................................
Celebrating anniversaries  □ □
Celebrating Valentine’s day  □ □

Displays of affection, intimacy:

Holding hands
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Walking arm in arm
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being hugged from the side
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Face to face hugging
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being hugged from the back
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Hugging the other from the back
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Sitting on the other person's lap
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
The other person sitting on your lap
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being kissed on the cheek
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Kissing the other person on the cheek
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being kissed on the lips
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Kissing the other person on the lips
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being kissed on the neck
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Kissing the other person on the neck
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being kissed on the back of your hand
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Kissing the other person on the back of their hand
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being kissed on the back or shoulder
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Kissing the other person on the back or shoulder
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Deep kissing (romantic kissing)
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Making out (sexual kissing)
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Cuddles
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Nuzzling the other person
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Being nuzzled
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Napping together  □ □
Sleeping in the same bed  □ □
Hugging while sleeping together  □ □
    I prefer to be the
        big spoon  □ □
        little spoon  □ □
        other  □ □
Taking a shower together  □ □
Taking a bath together  □ □
Having sex
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Playing video games together  □ □
Reading together  □ □
Talking about personal things with the other  □ □
Talking about crushes with the other  □ □
Seeing the other person naked  □ □
Being seen naked  □ □
Receiving a massage  □ □
    Giving a massage  □ □
Getting my hair styled by the other person  □ □
    Doing the other person's hair  □ □
Getting my makeup done by the other person  □ □
    Doing the other person's makeup  □ □
Being fed by the other person  □ □
    feeding the other person  □ □
Borrowing and wearing each others clothing  □ □
Lending clothing to the other  □ □

Verbal:

Being called on pet names, endearments
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Calling the other on pet names, endearments
    in public  □ □
    in semi private  □ □
    in private  □ □
Preferred pet name(s) and endearment(s):
    person/a .....................................................................................................................
    person/b......................................................................................................................
Declaring romantic feelings (ie: I love you)  □ □
    Receiving declarations of romantic feelings  □ □
Declaring affection (ie: You are very important to me)  □ □  
    Receiving declarations of affection  □ □

I’d like to meet you in person/spend time with you:
    every day  □ □
    every 2-3 days  □ □
    every week  □ □
    every 2-3 weeks  □ □

once a month  □ □
    other:
    person/a .....................................................................................................................
    person/b......................................................................................................................
I’d like to stay in contact with you:
    every day  □ □
    every 2-3 days  □ □
    every week  □ □
    every 2-3 weeks  □ □
    once a month  □ □
    other:
    person/a .....................................................................................................................
    person/b......................................................................................................................
via
    person/a  email    text    skype    chat app    phone call    snail mail
            other: ...................................................
    person/b  email    text    skype    chat app    phone call    snail mail
            other: ...................................................

On 2016. 06. 07. at 11:59 AM, RedNeko said:

• Apparently you can't just find housework, DIY and crafts enjoyable/satisfying/relaxing, it must be highly gendered, negative or arousing.

Yeah, that part was super weird. I enjoy being a woman, but the only thing that gets wet while I wash the dishes...you guessed, my hands?! I get it, some people totally do get off on these things, but that has to do with fetishes not gender.

I don't even gender household tasks and stuff like cooking? Its basic survival, you feed yourself, you keep yourself and your surroundings clean and mostly functional...everyone does these things.

Now that I think about it, its also ableist af. Like it assumes that you hear, that you have allistic standard social skills, that you just can do maths, that you are able to see those tiny pictures, etc.

Pfff.

-I'm not American enough for this test. Like the assumption that people own a car or even need one, there were cultural references that I had to google, etc.

-I've got dyslexia and dyscalculia, is that a gender identity now?

-This thing is very sexist

It told me I look androgynous (I'm more like a hard femme), but think/socialize in a feminine way (whatever that means) and drag is neat (Its fun and pretty on others of all genders, but I don't do drag, and I don't have any fetish for crossdressing). ....I guess?

thanks 

@Blue Phoenix Ace Would it be possible to create a button for the "Reveal/Hide content" thing, so its easier to use?

Dragon

WYR be able to read minds or to manipulate people's thoughts?

Sailor

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