nonmerci

Oh I remember when I was so mad that two friends in a tv show get together cause I felt like it was the end of their relationship. When I discover I was aro, it made a lot of sense why I felt this way. For all the fandom it was the begining of something new they wanted to see, for me it was the end of something I already considered "ideal".

I remember when people talk about the American dream and think about it as an Eldorado. But it slowly become American nightmare and I'm concerned by it. I surely would not like to be a minority in this country.

Well aroaces are aromantic too. Now it is true that we should not outnumber alloaros and just aros people as in the aromantic community, I think the number of aroaces and alloaros are equivalent (I don't remember where I see this statistics though), but sadly this is the case. Hope it changes in the future to be more representative. Anyway I think this is an issue you should bright up directly to the subreddit, as they are the ones who can do something about it. I find these definitions strange as well.

More than criteria, look for experiences, or ask your friends why they think so. I've read criteria for adhd many times, but didn't think it fit me (a lot of them applied to one type of adhd (hyperactive) but not the one I have (inattentive); also for me criteria looked like epty words and it was hard for me to see what they really mean). However when I read things about how people with adhd relate to time, how they focus, etc, a lot of things applied to me. And retrospectively I see that a lot of criteria do apply to me, just not in the stereotypic way. Annyway I have adhd and I think about getting a diagnosis for bipolar disorder.

I just love how it assumes the other person is allo lol. Also why is the aro always at fault ? Why can't it be unfair for the aro as well ? And anyway mixed relationship can work, if people involved explain their need and communicate properly.

Complicated. I don't necessarily have a problem with writing the build-up to romance, even if it sounds weird to me sometimes. But the romantic relationship in itself ? Hard time. I'm trying right now and I know I fail. I have to make an effort to remember my characters have to act like a couple now, and I have no clue on how to do that naturally, it seems fake, like, some actions I had to their relation to make it look romantic but are not connecting to each other in a consistent way. Like, I don't know, a neurotypic person who tries to write an autistic character by giving them all the traits they read on the internet, but doesn't understand how being autistic really impact how they think or how they live. I don't know if that makes sense, sorry. What I want to say is : it feels forced, even if I do think the characters could be a great couple. Maybe part of it is due to media ? Usually a movie ends little time after the first kiss. When there is a sequel, or this is a tv show, usually it focuses on relationship's drama. Happy couple moment are details before the storm. And don't get me started on toxic romance. So I have a lot of exemples of build-up to romance, of people fighting, but not really of people in a (healthy) couple dynamic. That's probably why it is so hard for me to write it properly.

Merlin (from BBC). If you enter the fandom you'll see that a lot of people ship Merlin with Arthur, but as far I as am concerned, they are in a QPR.

Thanks for all your answers.

What the other said. It seems your friend needs (professional) help.

It's up to you to discover who you are, but what you say is consistent with being an aromantic heterosexual. About the depression part, I think the real symptom is not "no romantic attraction" but "decrease of romantic attraction", and that it is linked to a general state of "decrease of interests for a lot of things". I suppose it would also had affected your sexual attraction if it was that but I'm not sure. Anyway it is the variation of romantic attraction that matters on my opinion. But something that is not there can't vary. So if you were already not having crushes before, it is likely that depression has nothing to do with that.

Hi ! Questions for the allosexuals here, as you may have guessed when you read the title. I've seen some debates lately about when people "develop" their sexuality. Most of people say it is through puberty, some say it is later and it is not uncommon for people to "become sexual" as young adults. As of course nobody had data, and internet seem to not have either (the one I find was about attraction in general), I thought the best to do was to ask, so here I am. How old are you ? And how your aromanticism affected it ?

I always want to scream when people say that as we are single for most of us, we are like straight single people. Yeah always a straight one, they have to say we can't be like a gay single person. Also they would never say that to a gay single person. Because they recognize that for gay people, internal feelings, representation and all these things matter. But for us ? They don't care or understand. The irony is that you will find a lot of aroaces people who pass as gay. I still remember this colleague who thought I was a closeted lesbian when I explain to her O don't feel attraction (she didn't say it like that but her "do you have a boyfriend" turned into "maybe you'll find a girl... Or a boy"). And I've read a lot of comments of people who pass as gay cause of their disinterest for the opposite sex... So yeah the whole thing is ridiculous. I personally wonder if part of it is also not due to the refusal to self reflect on their own behavior. I've seen LGBT+ people say we should not use "allosexual" cause their is no oppression or prejudice by people who feel sexual attraction against people who don't (not sse the same for alloromantic but that because it w no as t use in this place I guess), and that our problems are heteronormativity and feminism. Usually, the same people are very vocal about how LGBT+ communities are welcoming and if we had experiences that say the contrary, they are exceptions. Now, of course straight and gay and bi etc are not the same. But I think that a lot of aro or ace people know that you can here the same phobic comments in both groups. Not from everyone of course, but it is not uncommon. But some people don't want to see themselves as problematic so they prefer dismiss our problems than self-reflect on what they are doing.

Well I think it was sometimes use as an ace symbol in general, but it is for aroaces. For alloaces, it is the ace of hearts.

I suppose so yes. Before I imagined I would have a husband, not that I really wanted one I guess, but all I saw was people wanted to be in relationships so it was all I could think about. Then knowing about aromabticism showed me people could wish for different things, and then I realize that what I want is either be single or be with family members.

I wanted to write arrow lol I suppose it just proves how much arrow belong to us.

A green dress and a white ring. And a scepter with an aro at the top. Our temple also has an aro at the top.

OK my bad. I guesd it makes more sense why you bring it up.

I suppose neu aro is for neurodivergent aro ? Not sure but sound logical. Edit : it is actually neutral aron Non SAM aros are the one who don't use the split attraction model. It can be aroace people who don't differentiate between their aro and ace sides, or aro who think that their sexuality (asexual or not) is not relevant to their identity, and probably there are other reasons that I don't think about right now.

Same. It is a bit hard to explain but it is like for me, sex is not part of my world : it is not that I want or don't want it, it just doesn't exist. I have to remind that for most people it is a thing.

I don't know. Is there a reason why people want to change the flag ?

I'm just commented to say how funny it is considering that on this forum most of the people are not hetero (most because there are probably heterosexual aromantic person here), so it is very funny how you think we are hetero biaised. We fight hetero views everyday just by existing.

"I wish I had more toast"

That ver y common sadly. I think a lot of people interpret "I don't wanna date" as "I don't find anyone to date me" or "I've got crushes but nothing that has developed into love yet so I give up" because they might have felt this way at some point, and they are unable to imagine that you truly mean what you mean when you say that you don't get crushes and are happy this way. So yeah they are trying to be consoling and encouraging, but they are just dismissive and projects their desire on others. Something that can help is too ask them if they would say that to a straight or gay person : "you are bi, just give it some time and you'll realize it". And insist a bit so they will know how it feels and how stupid it is. Because otherwise, the annoying thing about our orientation is that people tell you you are too young until the way they tell you you are too old.

I don't think that most people use it this way. It sounds to me that it is more about squishes and QPRs. But as people have difficulties to understand squishes and QPRs, they confuse that with friendship and here's the confusion in your post. I have friends. I like having friends. I'm still aplatonic. I identify this ways cause I don't have squishes. I also don't want a QPR. Some other ID that way cause they don't love their friends (that was the terms used by the person who invented the word I think). Maybe there are people who use it to say they don't want friends but I don't think this is the main way tobuse the word.

Is it weird that it givese ideas for writing stories ? That would be a fun plot. To save the people from the romanciverse, our aromantic heroes decide to use the force of chaos and black matter and destroy gravity. I suppose it means Defying gravity is the aro musical song (Elphaba and Glinda are already in a QPR, right ?).