The Treatise of Aromanticism and Amatonormativity

[HelloThere]

Hey guys! I have literally zero explanation for why this is, but I felt a strong urge to create a formal discussion/analysis of Amatonormativity and its relation to Aromanticism. This is very spontaneous, so please forgive me for being vague in my request, but I’m asking for everyone to share their understanding of Amatonormativity in your lives, thoughts, and experiences. 
 

It doesn’t necessarily have to be personal, but I sort of want to compile the analyses of everyone here, and any sources, book suggestions, articles, etc. would be extremely helpful too. Essentially, for the sake of exemplifying this analysis style, I hope to get as much input in as much long-winded nuance as possible. I wrote the preliminary below to give a better picture, put as much info as you can, and please share.

“Preliminary: It has appeared to be both necessary and practical to explain the concept and underlying importance of the realm of Amatonormativity, a term that few know, and fewer understand. To aromantic individuals, it’s a term you’re either ingrained into from online culture, or completely and totally unaware of. In this context, it becomes only more important to share understanding of this concept, either for the sake of deeper analyzing oneself, or to view intersectionality, society, or aromanticism through a different lens.

 

This, of course, is as much of a systematic problem (which I hope to display as concisely as possible) as it is a personally held one. Amatonormativity, put simply, is the set of social expectations, requirements, and values that enforce both internal and external pressures to be in a romantic or sexual relationship, often a heterosexual and monogamous one. Those outside that set of expectations become social oddities, and concerningly enough, regardless of what one’s sexual or romantic orientations are. 

 

Now, a treatise such as this is not built upon critique and senseless criticism, but by a heavier understanding of the romantic and sexual aspects of one’s life, and of societal norms in general. This is neither a philosophical nor necessarily scientific question, rather closer to a sociological one. 

 

The main goal of this is to inform of the current state of Amatonormativity, its effects on humanity itself, and its relation most specifically to Aromanticism. Overall, information presented in the treatise is not purely of this authors experiences, nor personal analysis, but a compilation of as many aromantic voices as my limited reach can provide. Amatonormativity itself has been an underlying social phenomenon, along with a depressive contaminant for many, most especially those outside of the previously stated parameters. It’s definition isn’t solidly placed, so for the sake of this treatise, we will be defining it as referenced before. 

 

Though, without further ado, this series of analyses is open to interpretation, though our intended points will be clear enough to grasp. “

// @Keith @The Newest Fabled Creature @Jot-Aro Kujo @roboticanary @Maryland @kira- 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Where will this be presented?

[HelloThere]

5 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Where will this be presented?

I’m largely compiling this in notes, but I’ll probably throw it in a doc if I actually manage to commit to this thing for real. It’s very spontaneous, but I want to manage to compile all this data in.

[HelloThere]

19 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Where will this be presented?

You got any input though? I want all experiences, ideas, and analyses possible, from the subject of aro-allo perspectives, affects on neurodiversity, to mass media, EVERYTHING possible.

[MondoBilby]

I wrote some stuff about this topic in docs, and will copy/paste it here.

Sorry if it's poorly written, or if some things are worded weirdly, I just woke up and have college almost completely on my mind lol.

Anyways, here it is:

"Amatonormativity is very present in society, and has been for many years. It wrongly assumes that everyone will have the same experience in their lives in regards to romantic relationships and attraction, and this assumption is unfortunately further pushed by a lot of popular media. There are so many movies, books, shows and other forms of story-making that tend to push the idea that you will never be truly happy until you find a partner.

This is often shown by having protagonists who are lost or sad, and at the end of the story they’re completely happy once they get a partner, even if the main plot of the story wasn’t about that specifically. People consuming so many stories like this start to believe that you won’t have a “happily ever after” if you don’t get a partner. This expectation spreads among other people, who also consume this media all the time, and thus begins the assumption and expectation that “everyone will want a relationship or they won’t be happy.”

This expectation puts a lot of pressure onto aromantic people, and can even make them believe it too. It can make aro people feel like there’s something “wrong” with them, or make them worry that they’ll forever feel incomplete and lonely until they get into a “standard” relationship (monogamous, no QPRs, ideally straight according to mass media).

I also feel that this especially puts pressure on women, who are often expected to get married and have children at some point. As a woman, I have been asked questions like “have you met any boys yet?” and I’ve been told things like “one day, when you get a boyfriend, you’ll blah blah blah”.

Going back to the point about media, it’s especially frustrating for me to see so many female characters have this story arc where they think they don’t need a boyfriend, but after meeting the protagonist they realise that they actually did need one and were just being “edgy”.

In conclusion, I think that the previously established amatonormative expectations are only being further fueled by mass media like movies and shows. I think that we should try to make more stories that include characters who are happy without a partner and aren’t considered weird by everyone else. This would educate people that you don’t need to be in a relationship in order to have a happy ending, if you don’t want to."

I hope this is helpful for you :)

 

[HelloThere]

19 minutes ago, MondoBilby said:

I wrote some stuff about this topic in docs, and will copy/paste it here.

Sorry if it's poorly written, or if some things are worded weirdly, I just woke up and have college almost completely on my mind lol.

Anyways, here it is:

"Amatonormativity is very present in society, and has been for many years. It wrongly assumes that everyone will have the same experience in their lives in regards to romantic relationships and attraction, and this assumption is unfortunately further pushed by a lot of popular media. There are so many movies, books, shows and other forms of story-making that tend to push the idea that you will never be truly happy until you find a partner.

This is often shown by having protagonists who are lost or sad, and at the end of the story they’re completely happy once they get a partner, even if the main plot of the story wasn’t about that specifically. People consuming so many stories like this start to believe that you won’t have a “happily ever after” if you don’t get a partner. This expectation spreads among other people, who also consume this media all the time, and thus begins the assumption and expectation that “everyone will want a relationship or they won’t be happy.”

This expectation puts a lot of pressure onto aromantic people, and can even make them believe it too. It can make aro people feel like there’s something “wrong” with them, or make them worry that they’ll forever feel incomplete and lonely until they get into a “standard” relationship (monogamous, no QPRs, ideally straight according to mass media).

I also feel that this especially puts pressure on women, who are often expected to get married and have children at some point. As a woman, I have been asked questions like “have you met any boys yet?” and I’ve been told things like “one day, when you get a boyfriend, you’ll blah blah blah”.

Going back to the point about media, it’s especially frustrating for me to see so many female characters have this story arc where they think they don’t need a boyfriend, but after meeting the protagonist they realise that they actually did need one and were just being “edgy”.

In conclusion, I think that the previously established amatonormative expectations are only being further fueled by mass media like movies and shows. I think that we should try to make more stories that include characters who are happy without a partner and aren’t considered weird by everyone else. This would educate people that you don’t need to be in a relationship in order to have a happy ending, if you don’t want to."

I hope this is helpful for you :)

 

Useful, though format it as a statement of information rather than an essay, I compile stuff to turn it into an essay, so things don’t really need to be formal as much as specific and relevant.

[MondoBilby]

1 hour ago, HelloThere said:

Useful, though format it as a statement of information rather than an essay, I compile stuff to turn it into an essay, so things don’t really need to be formal as much as specific and relevant.

Ah ok, so should I just cut out the last paragraph, or should I reformat the whole thing? If it’s the latter, do you have any suggestions for how I should word it? Because I’m not entirely sure how I can change it right now.

[HelloThere]

14 hours ago, MondoBilby said:

Ah ok, so should I just cut out the last paragraph, or should I reformat the whole thing? If it’s the latter, do you have any suggestions for how I should word it? Because I’m not entirely sure how I can change it right now.

You don’t have to reformat, just say it like you’re talking to me normally and I’ll make it formal in the future. I need as much information, recommended resources, and variables as you can manage.

[kira-]

i mostly perceive amatonormativity in regards to the expectation that two people who interact of the perceived opposite gender must have feelings for each other. this is mostly due to my own experiences in which anyone of the perceived opposite gender as me is seen as a potential partner for me by most people. this view is harmful to both aspecs and allos. as mentioned above, amatonormativity is also a problem in most forms of media, setting the expectation that in order to have a “happy ending” you must have a partner. for characters in media that tackles or oppose this idea, some good examples are georgia warr in loveless, lilith clawthorne in toh, ritsu in mp1, etc. 

hope this helps

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Have you read Minimizing Marriage?

[HelloThere]

41 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Have you read Minimizing Marriage?

I’d love to, but I’m not sure if there’s any free resources to read about it 

[HelloThere]

4 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Have you read Minimizing Marriage?

I actually found a free doc online, I’m gonna try and print it out piece-by-piece once I get home, maybe get a few chapters in to write down the main points and stuff.

[MondoBilby]

On 6/13/2024 at 12:38 AM, HelloThere said:

You don’t have to reformat, just say it like you’re talking to me normally and I’ll make it formal in the future. I need as much information, recommended resources, and variables as you can manage.

Alrighty, here's a less formal version (with added things):

I think a big problem with amatonormativity in society is that it's often pushed by mass media like movies and shows. Characters who are sad or lost and then finally become "complete" and happy when they get a partner at the end of the story, and characters who are made fun of for not being in a relationship and other plots like that. It pushes the idea to people who engage in these stories that you'll only be "truly" happy and content in life once you get into a romantic relationship, which isn't true at all. Because this kind of thing is everywhere in media, it makes people think it's true and real, and that puts a lot of pressure on people, especially aro people. I especially hate this specific character type where female characters "think" they don't need a boyfriend and are fine by themselves, but at the end of the story they realise that they were "just being edgy and immature" and actually do need a boyfriend (often falling for the main character). It's frustrating to see this character, because it makes it seem like women especially need a partner, preferrably male, in order to be respected and considered "mature".

This is why I really want to see more aro representation in media, and even characters who aren't explicitly aro but don't get into a relationship anyways. There are probably heaps of aro characters in niche media like books and stuff, but in terms of popular media and the mainstream, there isn't really that much. The only characters I can think of right now are that character from The Owl House (I can't remember her name sorry), and Alastor from Hazbin Hotel.

But with these characters (Alastor especially), the only reason we really know they're aro is through outside sources like tweets and things, their identity isn't really talked about or shown at all in the shows themselves. It'd be really nice to see a movie or show that actually focuses more on the aromantic identity of a character, even just for a little bit.

I don't know much aro stuff in media right now, but there is that song "The Knack" by Mother Mother that's definitely about being aro (and it's a pretty good song too, I recommend listening to it). There are lots of other aro songs too, and I mostly know about them because of a few threads on this forum about aro-related songs.

 

Anyway, hope this is better and slightly more informative for ya.

 

[HelloThere]

On 6/13/2024 at 7:32 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Have you read Minimizing Marriage?

I’m still on the intro but DANG she’s a good writer, so much compelling narration, historical explanation, cross referencing, beautifully crafted intersectional analysis. Oh GOSH it makes my dirty socialist heart leap.

[P4R4D0X]

Ooh this is a nice thread

 

If anyone wants me to do anything I (supposedly) make good presentations 

[HelloThere]

On 6/17/2024 at 6:16 AM, P4R4D0X said:

Ooh this is a nice thread

 

If anyone wants me to do anything I (supposedly) make good presentations 

If you have any information, resources, or presentation formats I’d be glad to help. :)

Though it’s probably more of a google doc, I’m not entirely sure how to make it all work. Rn I’m just reading through “Minimizing Marriage”, so this process will be a very long one.

Edited June 18 by HelloThere

[P4R4D0X]

Before I finalized the fact that I am aro, I compiled a lot of info about how aros kinda go against society's expectations of people wanting and needing romance. I can look through those again and see what I find, but for now, here is this mini essay that I've decided might make a good video script:

Romance. Is. Everywhere. From the time you are little, society is telling you who you and others are compatible with and gossiping about who likes who, who likes you, and who they think you like. Romance is written into stories, songs, movies and more. It's 'life's goal', it's 'finding your other half', 'becoming complete', and 'the ultimate happiness'. Even if you don't think you need a partner, 'trust me, you just haven't found the right one yet'. But this isn't exactly correct. While people say that love is what makes us human, romance isn't the only type of love. Think about your friends, your family, do you love them? Romantically? If the answer to the second question is no, then what your saying isn't that you don't love them, but that you love them as friends and family, you love them platonically and familialy respectively. These types of love are different than romantic love, yes, but that doesn't mean they are less important. You might not notice these types of love in your everyday life, but some people do. Let me introduce you to aromanticism. A person who falls under the aromantic spectrum is defined as a person who feels little to no romantic attraction. Without the most noticable type of attraction, it is generally easier for most aromantics (aros) to figure out the other types of attraction, and things like platonic partners are big parts of aro culture (along with garlic bread and frogs). In the end, love isn't the thing that makes us human, but our ability to understand and decide it.

[Feel free to edit/reformat this block of text, I'm in middle school and am definitely not the best writer in my grade]

Edited June 30 by P4R4D0X