I really hate romance

[Guest]

It's dumb, stupid, ridiculous, and overrated. So tired of people talking about. I don't care. I hate faking being nice about it when it just angers me. God it's so annoying. Would people just talk about other things than Romance? Are people just not intelligent enough to not talk about other things? Are people really that dumb? Romance is just chemicals in the brain, it isn't real. People can't proof that it is exists. There's more important things in this world than romantic feelings. People need to get real and rethink their own lives.

Edited August 28, 2023 by DeathlyAngel

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Buddy, everything is chemicals in the brain. I get it, but like, I think maybe you need to talk to other people? Plenty of people talk about things other than romance. You can be frustrated with the prevalence of romance in our society without acting like other people are stupid for having feelings that you don't. Superiority complexes don't help anybody.

[DeltaAro]

On 8/3/2023 at 8:26 PM, DeathlyAngel said:

Romance is just chemicals in the brain, it isn't real.

We don't know for sure. This is more of a slogan, strictly speaking. And not proven science, which is just a correlation between the emotion and the brain activity.

On 8/3/2023 at 8:26 PM, DeathlyAngel said:

People can't proof that it is exists.

Of course, you cannot prove that other people experience a certain emotion with absolute certainty, we just try to infer emotions from behavior.

There may be aros who believe that all allos just pretend, and romantic attraction does not exist, but they must be rather rare.

I feel you mean concepts like "soulmates" and not romance in general.

On 8/3/2023 at 8:26 PM, DeathlyAngel said:

There's more important things in this world than romantic feelings.

Yesss. 🙃

[Ghostflower]

I understand your anger.  I personally find it helpful to vent my frustrations for feelings like these, because otherwise, I just feel very helpless about it all.  

One thing that I’m interested in reading about is the history of romance as a social construct—like, how expectations vary based on time and place.  There’s a very good line in the J-drama “Koisenu Futari” (“Two People Who Cannot Fall in Love”) about it being unrealistic to enforce a set of standards on everyone when those standards are constantly changing.  Sometimes it feels like so much revolves around romance that I want to find “evidence” that it’s all ridiculous and “made-up.”

[Lovebird]

Can other aros stop applying negative mortality and intelligence to romantic attraction? Not only does it create an 'us vs them' mentality, but is rooted in ableism.

I'm mentally disabled, the attraction I feel to my spouse is not 'all in my head'

[illumi]

chill. holy shit. im also romance repulsed but alloros r not stupid 4 prioritizing their romantic attraction n talking abt it. ure also targeting fellow arospecs by saying this. i get amanormativity is frustrating but barking at randos living their lives is not it 

[SwiftySpeedy]

On 8/3/2023 at 2:26 PM, DeathlyAngel said:

Romance is just chemicals in the brain, it isn't real.

Well your consciousness is just a bunch of neurons firing, Does that mean your thoughts aren't real? (JOKE)

yeah I do agree that people shouldn't be shoving it in your face like its the number one thing in the world, although people shouldn't bow down to you like.

"ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GREAT ONE, WE WILL NOT DO THE FORBIDDEN ACTS IN FRONT OF THE GREAT ONE" lol

[DeltaAro]

7 hours ago, Lovebird said:

Can other aros stop applying negative mortality and intelligence to romantic attraction?

What does that mean?

4 hours ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

Well your consciousness is just a bunch of neurons firing, Does that mean your thoughts aren't real? (JOKE)

Yes, why not?

The world "real" is ambiguous, so you can do lots of shenanigans with it.

"X is just Y, so X is not real" is one of them. It's easily said. But what "not real" means in this context, and why we should believe this reasoning... this part is usually left out.

E.g. compare with Margaret Thatcher's infamous remark: "They are casting their problems at society. And, you know, there's no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families."

[Lovebird]

11 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

Can other aros stop applying negative mortality and intelligence to romantic attraction?

Some people argue that if one experiences romantic attraction, they inherently lack in good morale, character or intelligence. Or in summary, "If you experience attraction different from what I do, that means you're a bad person!" Regardless of wherever the person they're targeting has actually done something bad.

[Picklethewickle]

I hate romance too. I find it tiresome and annoying. I don't want anyone trying to romance me in my life, I don't enjoy hearing about other people's relationships, and I can't stand seeing it in shows and books. I can definitely get wanting a break from people who emphasize it over everything else.

It still remains that it isn't okay to be cruel and judgemental toward people who do enjoy romance.

[nonmerci]

On 8/5/2023 at 6:02 AM, Lovebird said:

negative mortality

I think you meant "morality". Sorry I just find your lapsus funny.

 

Anyway I agree with what people are saying it. It's logical to be upset about romantic expectations in society but that's not a reason to spread hatred. Also everything is just chemicals in the brain. The anger you feel right now OP is just chemicals in your brain. However, I think we can all agree that it exists.

 

 

Edited August 6, 2023 by nonmerci

[DeltaAro]

  

12 hours ago, Lovebird said:

Some people argue that if one experiences romantic attraction, they inherently lack in good morale, character or intelligence. Or in summary, "If you experience attraction different from what I do, that means you're a bad person!" Regardless of wherever the person they're targeting has actually done something bad.

Ah, ok, I kind of suspected you meant "morality," but I still thought about the deep philosophical implications if you meant "mortality". 🙃

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

Also everything is just chemicals in the brain. The anger you feel right now OP is just chemicals in your brain. However, I think we can all agree that it exists.

First, I'm kind of amused how far this "emotions are chemicals in your brain" idea has spread. Could we post some evidence for it? 😋

Even if emotions are caused by chemicals in the brain (which is a complex issue, as the debate about SSRIs has shown), I think we shouldn't conflate that with being chemicals in the brain.

Moving charges have a magnetic field as an effect, but "a magnetic field is just moving charges" would still be wrong. Right?

Second, there is also a difference between romance and other, "more banal" emotions.

If romance can be reduced to something mechanistic, it feels way worse (well, for allos) than for anger.

Romance is assumed to be this magical, wonderful, mysterious, deeply intuitive feeling. If it turns out to be just chemicals or biological programming or something similarly prosaic, the discrepancy between pretension and reality is huge.

OTOH, anger is just anger, and mostly regarded as bad. The idea that it's baggage we inherited from our cavemen ancestors and which doesn't fit our very advanced society... this you can find in every second self-help book.

But the self-help book author who writes something like "romance is your caveman brain convincing you that you found an acceptable, compatible long-term mate" is going to be out of business soon.

Even if they would describe friendship this way, it would be more acceptable.

[Picklethewickle]

3 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

Romance is assumed to be this magical, wonderful, mysterious, deeply intuitive feeling. If it turns out to be just chemicals or biological programming or something similarly prosaic, the discrepancy between pretension and reality is huge.

OTOH, anger is just anger, and mostly regarded as bad. The idea that it's baggage we inherited from our cavemen ancestors and which doesn't fit our very advanced society... this you can find in every second self-help book.

But the self-help book author who writes something like "romance is your caveman brain convincing you that you found an acceptable, compatible long-term mate" is going to be out of business soon.

Even if they would describe friendship this way, it would be more acceptable.

This is part of what annoys me about romance, and all conversations around the subject. Romance is put on a pedestal. It is presented as more than everything else, rather than one of the many things we can feel. It doesn't matter to me if romantic attraction is a chemical process in the brain or not. Whatever the cause and however it is processed, some people feel it and some people don't. What matters to me is the excess of pretension around the subject. I want people to be allowed to feel what they feel and to be allowed to set aside what they don't feel.

[Guest cigsandwine]

buddy calm down 😭

[Synthetic Adrenaline]

Try gently changing the subject. Let someone talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend for a bit if they truly have something to say, but then mention something else and steer the conversation on to it. Complain about how you just blundered your queen while playing chess, or talk about the electric blue damselfly you saw earlier :D