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how do non aromantic people experience crushes?


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I have no freaking clue, that’s a question I’ve asked a lot myself. My best guess is that it’s sorta like obsessing over an interest, you kinda wanna know everything about it and spend as much time as possible with it.

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  • 4 months later...

I fall into the gray area of romanticism so I'll try my best. It's like, you're thinking about them a lot, how you want to spend time with them, more than you would with a friend. You may fantasize about doing things with them you wouldn't really do with friends, like going out on dates, kissing, settling down to live together as romantic partners, etc.

I think alloromantic people have this but felt more intensely, sometimes to the point of being obsessive. Of course since romanticism is a spectrum with everyone having different experiences, romantic attraction is different for everyone no matter where they fall.

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You feel excited but in a good way (for refference I'm greyro). Some people compare it to being addicted and (from my understanding) that is very simular to some of the brain chemistry in your mind, where each time you are with that person, thinking about them, etc. is a dopamine boost. So the best way to imagine would be that your addicted to a drug and this person satisfies the craving and you feel a bit of a natural 'high' around them which leads to you always trying to get that next hit. Thats really where the obsession, desiring of being close together as often as possible, etc. comes from. And when you want that person exclusively then you would want to go on a date with them then you want to start a relationship to be more deticated and make that addiction 'official'. However I don't feel the desire to kiss so I still don't know about that

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I believe a 'squish' is just the platonic counterpart to a 'crush'. I have heard it described as 'just wanting to be friends with someone in particular, or deepening that friendship if they are already friends.'

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On 2/1/2024 at 9:03 PM, organs and bone said:

what’s the diffrent between a crush and a ‘squish’? a squish is just when you want to be someone’s friend but don’t like them romantically 

a 'squish' is basically the same thing as a crush, feeling strong platonic attraction towards someone

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@smac n cheese For me, it felt very different. You don't really fantasize(too much) about a squish, you don't think about them nearly as often as you would a crush. You obviously don't know them very well, so your main goal is to befriend them. You usually seek them out for a specific trait(same interests, good personality, etc) and the feeling is not nearly as intense as a crush so sort of how people say they can't help who they fall inlove with or that they feel too strong about their crush not to ask them out or whatever, having a squish is not that strong and you can't make an excuse that a squish would guide you to be with the wrong person. If you have a squish on someone and they are an asshole you don't have hormones firing in your mind that tell you to stay in the friendship(thats mainly what I'm trying to say). I had one a few months ago, mainly I was interested in getting her attention since I admired her personality. Once we became friends it felt like the mission was over and my feelings were more or less normal 

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For me, romantic attraction usually means when I look at someone or notice them I experience a rush of adrenaline, (the whole heart starts beating quicker thing,) some jolt of postitive-ish strong warm feeling, and heat rushing to my face, (though I'm pretty sure I can't blush so it's just embarrassing to feel,) and my brain just thinking "that person EXISTS" aggressively and points their existence out again and again in a sort of loop for a few seconds, and because I understand it as romantic attraction it's usually accompanied by "and you're ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM", which is weird enough if it's some random person that likely doesn't specifically realize I exist as I've never talked to or really interacted with them, and even stranger if I'm talking to the person or they're my friend, because it's kind of just an annoying feeling that makes things awkward on my end since they can't tell and I'll never tell them. There is a positive to romantic attraction for me, which is that it makes conversations easier because I'm terrible at talking to people but because I'm focused on my attraction I don't realize how awful a conversationalist I'm being. There was a period of time when I thought I was aromantic because my romantic attraction didn't seem romantic enough. I imagine for other people romantic attraction might include an amount of extreme affection for whoever they are attracted to, or the desire to spend time with them and get to know them better, but that isn't a part of mine. I do not experience obsession for those I am romantically attracted to outside of the moment where I am experiencing romantic attraction and actively commenting on it in my brain or when I decide to think about who I have been or am romantically attracted to. I think I do occasionally experience a comparable obsession platonically, though that is mostly composed of relentless assertions of affection and loyalty and also only occur when I'm talking to or physically in the same space as the person or thinking of my friends.

Just for fun, here are a few odd examples of attraction I've experienced. One time when the feeling usually described as one's heart stopping or stomach dropping (I think this is the only time I have experienced this) happened when I saw someone that I could not recall being previously attracted to, and I was just like "huh, that's strange". One of the few times when I've definitely experienced aesthetic attraction, I was taking a big test sort of thing, and my brain would just occasionally remind me that the hair of the person sitting across from me was pretty throughout the two hours we were there. There were a few minutes one time when I think I experienced romantic attraction in the way that is expected, as my brain was just filled with affectionate thoughts for this one person I was romantically attracted to but had never seen or talked to before this event, but then I had to go to the bathroom, and after I came back and saw them again it was just gone.

If you've read this far, thank you for your time! I hope my story of how I experience romantic attraction has been entertaining to you.

Edited by Thorny Clouds
I realized there was a dark theme and the color of text didn't adapt, so I changed the text color to automatic so it is easier to read with the dark theme
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  • 3 weeks later...

i honestly do not know how i experience romance, i feel like i may be grayromantic. idfk and i've kind of given up on trying to figure out my romantic orientation because i know that i'm a lesbian and i feel that that's all that matters to me. 

personally, a crush feels like a passionate obsession, i'd do anything for this person to give me affection and basically they're on my mind the majority of the time. i just want their approval and i just want to make them happy.

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