My mom is trying to force me to date (rant?? I think)

[Keith]

I just talked with my mom about romantic relationships... 😨

She asked me who am I planning to go to prom with, so I told her I'm not sure yet, because my prom is in 3 years (😨), but I wouldn't mind going with my friends. I don't know why, but it made her genuinely so mad. She screamed at me and told me that going to prom without a date is the most humiliating experience that a highschooler can experience (which in my opinion, is the most untrue statement ever). After that she asked how come have I never been in a relationship (for the record - I've had a girlfriend once, before I realized that I'm aro, but I never told my parents about it because I was afraid they wouldn't accept me). I answered, that boys in my surrounding aren't exactly boyfriend materials and I don't want to force myself to date, or to like any of them. She didn't like my answer. In her opinion getting a boyfriend in highschool is an absolute must. I tried explaining to her, that even if it is a must for some people it's not a must for me, but she cut me off and didn't let me finish.

I just don't understand why she can't accept the fact that I simply don't want to date. That it's not my priority. And even if hypothetically it'll change in the future, she can't force me to change now.

[Isa1116]

Ow, that sucks. I'm sorry, it must be really difficult for people to get mad over something like that. I really hope you are feeling better, and you can always talk to me if needed :)

[nonmerci]

Wow that sucks. She has to accept that what she wants id not necessarily what you want. What she is doing is toxic.

[Keith]

56 minutes ago, Isa1116 said:

I really hope you are feeling better, and you can always talk to me if needed :)

Thank you! I'm better now ;D But I'll remember that!!!!

[Guest]

In my opinion going to prom with a date feels way more embarrassing idk why

Anyways I'm sorry about your mom :(( 

[Keith]

2 minutes ago, CrypticDoctor said:

In my opinion going to prom with a date feels way more embarrassing idk why

Understandable. 

2 minutes ago, CrypticDoctor said:

Anyways I'm sorry about your mom :(( 

Thanks! I really hope she'll understand my point of view someday.

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, Keith said:

Thanks! I really hope she'll understand my point of view someday.

I hope so! :) My mom doesn't understand my point of view either.

[Keith]

5 minutes ago, CrypticDoctor said:

My mom doesn't understand my point of view either.

I hope yours will get it someday as well!! We deserve that!

[Rather be Reading]

Yikes, I'm sorry you have to deal with her. She is, as you said, very incorrect. Not everyone dates in high school, and tons of folks go to prom with friends. 

[alto]

I went to my first prom (went to at least 3) with my best friend.  It was a completely accepted thing, even back then.

[hemogoblin]

On 4/15/2023 at 2:01 AM, Keith said:

She screamed at me and told me that going to prom without a date is the most humiliating experience that a highschooler can experience (which in my opinion, is the most untrue statement ever).

So there's this thing people do called "projecting", where they take their experiences and their feelings and put them on other people. I would hazard a guess that your mother's extreme reaction is some pretty strong projecting.

By the by, I went to prom with a mixed group of friends. Most of us went singly, while some of us were paired. We all went altogether. Those of us who went singly felt far less pressure on things and had a great night. Of those that went paired, several have remarked to me they wish they hadn't. There was just so much pressure on the night to mean something that they were so caught up in their head and what their partner was thinking that they didn't really get to just let loose and have fun. For them, it was mostly a stressful experience they were happy to be over. (For reference, I graduated a little more than a decade ago now.)

I'm really sorry your mom is acting like this and treating you so poorly over this.

[Lunar Nova]

On 4/15/2023 at 4:01 AM, Keith said:

I just talked with my mom about romantic relationships... 😨

She asked me who am I planning to go to prom with, so I told her I'm not sure yet, because my prom is in 3 years (😨), but I wouldn't mind going with my friends. I don't know why, but it made her genuinely so mad. She screamed at me and told me that going to prom without a date is the most humiliating experience that a highschooler can experience (which in my opinion, is the most untrue statement ever). After that she asked how come have I never been in a relationship (for the record - I've had a girlfriend once, before I realized that I'm aro, but I never told my parents about it because I was afraid they wouldn't accept me). I answered, that boys in my surrounding aren't exactly boyfriend materials and I don't want to force myself to date, or to like any of them. She didn't like my answer. In her opinion getting a boyfriend in highschool is an absolute must. I tried explaining to her, that even if it is a must for some people it's not a must for me, but she cut me off and didn't let me finish.

I just don't understand why she can't accept the fact that I simply don't want to date. That it's not my priority. And even if hypothetically it'll change in the future, she can't force me to change now.

it's your life, not her's if she doesn't like that then tough luck on her.

[Keith]

15 hours ago, Rather be Reading said:

Not everyone dates in high school, and tons of folks go to prom with friends. 

RIGHT??? Like where did she even get that from 😨

[deletingthisaccount64]

Wow, this really sucks. I remember all the pressure to date in high school, between my family and growing up in the small-town Midwest. Not dating always makes you the subject of family pressure and gossip. Just know that you will get through it. At the end of the day, while her bickering you is incredibly annoying, she cannot force you to date anybody.

[Holmbo]

That's awful!

Maybe if she does it again you can ask her why she feels so strongly about it.

[HelloThere]

On 4/15/2023 at 7:24 AM, Cal said:

In my opinion going to prom with a date feels way more embarrassing idk why

Anyways I'm sorry about your mom :(( 

Yeah I can kinda see how, because now you have to make sure that that date is ok and then people are going to ask. Tbh I may only be a freshman but believe me prom sounds absolutely horrible to me in the first place. XD

On 4/15/2023 at 4:01 AM, Keith said:

I just talked with my mom about romantic relationships... 😨

She asked me who am I planning to go to prom with, so I told her I'm not sure yet, because my prom is in 3 years (😨), but I wouldn't mind going with my friends. I don't know why, but it made her genuinely so mad. She screamed at me and told me that going to prom without a date is the most humiliating experience that a highschooler can experience (which in my opinion, is the most untrue statement ever). After that she asked how come have I never been in a relationship (for the record - I've had a girlfriend once, before I realized that I'm aro, but I never told my parents about it because I was afraid they wouldn't accept me). I answered, that boys in my surrounding aren't exactly boyfriend materials and I don't want to force myself to date, or to like any of them. She didn't like my answer. In her opinion getting a boyfriend in highschool is an absolute must. I tried explaining to her, that even if it is a must for some people it's not a must for me, but she cut me off and didn't let me finish.

I just don't understand why she can't accept the fact that I simply don't want to date. That it's not my priority. And even if hypothetically it'll change in the future, she can't force me to change now.

Let me be honest, judging by the context you’re around 15 right? I’m a freshman at 15 years old and I’m pretty sure Im aro. How did you know you were?

[Keith]

3 hours ago, HelloThere said:

Let me be honest, judging by the context you’re around 15 right? I’m a freshman at 15 years old and I’m pretty sure Im aro. How did you know you were?

Yup! I'll be turning 15 in September.

When I was like 11 (or maybe 12, I'm not sure), my (ex) bestfriend confessed to me, and I thought I felt the same way, so we both agreeded to date. Us being a couple didn't change anything, probably because we were both really young and confused, so I assumed that all romantic relationships looked like that. It changed. I felt like she was always expecting something from me, but I had no idea what. I tried asking her about it, however she kept giving me the same incomprehensible answers. So I decided to be more affectionative, and around the Valentines Day in 2022, I wrote her a love letter. Although after reading it, I realized that it wasn't romantic at all, which was really weird to me, because I made sure to include the word 'love' a few times (at that time I didn't really know that loving a friend in a platonic way was possible). It started a really serious identity crisis, and after a lot of tears and research, I came to realization that I'm somewhere on the aro-spectrum.