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How do I stop people from shipping me with people I don't like at all? (rant but also a question)


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It's similar to that one question bout shipping with a friend, but here's my dilemma:

so there's a strange rumour-ish thing going around that apparently one of the boys in science class likes me. we'll call him A. i literally don't know him well (other than that he usually causes the chaos in class, fucking bitch) and i get an awful aura around him. so basically, not someone i'd associate with, at all.

thing is, since approx a few days ago, the other boys who aren't A have been pestering me about it. I'm usually pretty quiet so I tend to not get in anyone's way or attract too much attention. Recently tho, I came into science one day to find a bunch of boys almost pressuring me to talking with A (i'd told one of them i didn't like him back 1-2 [maybe 3???] days go, they probably forgot ūüíÄ) and all like "A has something he wants to say to you!" kinda thing

I caved and came in, basically grunting and mad because to hell with them. I'll reject and be done. And thankfully, A was like "I have nothing to say to you." which IMO implies he either: is a nervous shit, saw my reaction and backed out, or will do it later.

Usually, the boys only mention me being with A when A actually exists in the room (which odd enough isn't daily) so it's not a often as i thought it would be.

But I really have to stop this. Like right now. Most days I worry that I'll be in a situation where I have to face the music and reject him once and for all, which I am always steeling myself for and I have actually thought out how I'm to do it.

 

Funny enough, this whole pattern of "people i'd rather not be friends with apparently (or actually) have a crush on me and therefore I get pressured into shit" has happened like 3 times.

one now, another time about 2 years ago, and the 3rd one when i was 12.

 

I just wish no one had crushes at all, because tbh the thought of crushes hadn't been in my head for a solid 2 years straight and now i hate knowing (with evidence) that the older i get, the more often i'm going to have to reject my "suitors". Especially the ones i'd rather not be in the same room with.

Ah, highschool.

Anyways, anyone have advice?

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Maybe you can try to talk with a teacher about it ? No one has the right to pressure you to do anything.

 

Another thing to do would be to talk with A about it. Yes, that can make you uncomfortable, but the situation you are in is already uncomfortable so at least, talking could end it. Ask him if he does have a crush on you (maybe he doesn't, who knows), and tell him you don't and that his friends's behaviour upset you. If he is a decent guy, he'll accept it.

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People are probably gonna ship you with other people no matter what and it's gonna suck. For now, try to talk to A or his friends and make it clear you don't like them and want them to stop shipping you guys together. If they continue, ignore it and it will probably go away or get a teacher or another adult involved. I think I kinda get what your going through because I've been shipped with other guys at school, including one of my best friends, and people don't listen when I tell them to stop. Everyone's situation is different and I wish I could give you more advice but that's all I have for now. I wish you the best of luck!

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(i am OP btw, since anonymity ain't working out for me)

update: I got interrogated by A's friends again. I told them i didn't like A, and they were clearly shocked. And then they asked me all like "do you think he's cute?" and i had to actually think on that one because they seem to be very VERY intent for me to like him back (that's the vibes i was getting) and in a joking manner i would've said yes bc visuals wise he was an ok lookin guy but i got the feeling that if i said yes it would be a win for the boys and i didn't want them to win

i kinda went "hmm" out loud by accident and they commented "oooooh [they're] thinking" or smth to that effect (dont remeber too well, all i remember is how the tone came off in a "ooooh" way idk what else

they straight up asked me "do you wanna be his girlfriend?" like no strings attached at ALL. and i tried to retort that i didn't know him but they were all like "you should get to know him" which i guess makes sense but FUCKIN HELL

they'd also asked whether i'd date him and I kinda panicked because I didn't want to upset anyone (sounds rlly stupid right? but i tend to want to make people happy, i guess that's a flaw sometimes) so i caved and said maybe
they took that as a win (i think, sure seemed like it) and i took it as a loss

they also kept mentioning (post-interrogation) many times that he's blushing/is shy which tbh i can't say it's a lie (im very much not into everyone else's circles but from what i see A and the others are pretty good buds so my bet is they talk about this stuff or smth)

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On 12/4/2022 at 3:24 PM, whatistheromance said:

Tell 'em to fuck off.

if i had the personality and the swagger for it i would, but im too much of a nice guy to do so

 

On 12/4/2022 at 7:26 PM, The Gray Warlock said:

You ever hear a song by Bowling for Soup called High School Never Ends? Yeah.

that  song is SUCH a mood on so many levels

 

On 12/4/2022 at 1:33 PM, nonmerci said:

Maybe you can try to talk with a teacher about it ? No one has the right to pressure you to do anything.

 

i suppose I can, but i guess im scared to? my science teacher is a solid guy and is quite nice to talk to, but somehow i just can't bring myself to for fear that they'll get into trouble or smth. i mean i guess that's the point, is it not? but i don't want people actively hating on me (because i don't like negative attention) and the boys going against me will probably be the death of me when i go to science class

 

to be frickin honest i think my social skills are kinda weird in that sense and i can almost never muster up the courage irl to do it, despite every cell in my body wantin to. but then again, i never actually initiate the conversation about A liking me (because i can't stand being in that position) and so it's always brought up at the most randomest fucking time ever (today, for example, after a science quiz) and im kinda forced to improvise when it happens

 

On 12/4/2022 at 10:25 PM, Indigo_Rabbit said:

People are probably gonna ship you with other people no matter what and it's gonna suck.

the unfortunate reality of being afab and presenting femm i guess

im not even that person who wears anything ""seducing"" or ""sexualizing"" i just wear a sweater and jeans most days because that's the runt of it

i just never understand what people see in me. is it my personality? do they really like how i dress? literally i've thought about this for some years now and can never figure it out

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9 hours ago, A User said:

but i don't want people actively hating on me (because i don't like negative attention)

OK fair but here's the thing : you can't satisfy everyone, and trying to do it by doing things you don't want will hurt your mental health.

Also, you won't date A just to make other people happy, right ? Not only it won't be right for you, but it will hurt A in the end.

I think the best you can do is being very clear and firm about not liking A. Otherwise they will think you like him back, it will give him hope if he also like you, and it will hurt him more than just a no.

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14 hours ago, nonmerci said:

I think the best you can do is being very clear and firm about not liking A. Otherwise they will think you like him back, it will give him hope if he also like you, and it will hurt him more than just a no.

i have! just today and i think i made it very clear too

i hope no one bothers me about this again

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Welp. I got bothered about it again (like 3 times today, it was a field trip today so more time to bother me ig). Time to draft a rejection speech to 4-5 people all at once!

despite everything, they (at this point im using they to refer to most boys in my science class because sometimes it's only one person, sometimes 2, sometimes i get trapped in circle of 4 outside while my teacher does a headcount) still want me to give my insta and talk with him

there was one time today in which they asked if some girl was hot (she did look nice aesthetically, but since my mind loves equating hot with aesthetic, then i couldn't exactly give them a good answer) and im convinced they thought for that one second i was a lesbian

when i said (what i think came off as) no, they just kept going with then whole "A reallys wants you" thing

the phrasing scares me because it's too vague to tell me squat about how he wants me, or what part of me he wants

 

somehow, when i try to say something equivalent of no, words stop forming and i just stand there doing nothing

at this point i am now wildly considering telling a teacher but how am i supposed to ensure that i don't get hate bombed in the process?

 

the bigger question that's been entering and exiting my brain is: what made A attracted to me in the first place? what aspect of me does he like? we'd never talked at all prior to this drama, and i don't do anything suggestive to cause anything to happen. imo, i'm more of a blend in kinda guy. like. i'm so severely curious what he sees in me that i am clearly missing.

i might ask the boys this one (if words can finally appear)

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On 12/4/2022 at 7:26 PM, The Gray Warlock said:

You ever hear a song by Bowling for Soup called High School Never Ends? Yeah.

love this song!!

 

Anyhow, I agree, I have been there also. I got out of it by telling the teacher felt uncomfortable (thus my schedule change in 8th grade and 9th grade a they were in all my classes except for like french) If it becomes more sexual in nature... Tell. A. Teacher. You can keep yourself safe by doing that. If they continue doing this you gotta tell someone.

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7 hours ago, ArrowAce said:

If it becomes more sexual in nature... Tell. A. Teacher. You can keep yourself safe by doing that. If they continue doing this you gotta tell someone.

Thankfully it's not gotten to that point, and I'd 100% tell someone if that were the case

I can't exactly tell what the nature is rn tbh. It's a mix of romantic and smth else that I can't grasp (maybe sexual but it's very much romantic IMO) but if anything were to happen I'd prolly tell my science teacher or go to the office

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My go-to, especially when I know I'm not gonna see this person much outside of a specific context, is just to tell them that I already have a boyfriend/partner back in my hometown (or just wherever I'm at, depends on who's bothering me). People tend to back off after that, but idk if it works in your case cuz it's a lot of people.

Good luck! Hope this shity situation gets better :(

And, as others are saying, please tell a teacher, if you can/want. They can help intervene, mediate and defend you in a situation like this where it's several students practically ganging up on you, pressuring you into something and making you feel uncomfortable. 

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