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Do you ever feel like your lying to yourself.


ArrowAce
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Sometimes I feel like I’m lying to myself about being aro ace. Like I get being aroace is against the social norm in a way. But like sometimes I feel like it’s just I’m in denial of being aroace. 
 

it’s gotten to the point I feel like I just don’t seem worth it to be aroace. Like it’s sometimes I’m walking down the hall listening to like those aroace playlists on Spotify and such. Just to make it feel like I belong with this community. I don’t feel attraction to anyone sexually or romantically. But sometimes I don’t feel attraction like platonically or sensually. Like I feel detached from like everyone else emotionally. And like anything like that.

Hell sometimes I don’t feel anything to friends or family. I don’t think this is a mental disorder but I just don’t know.

does anyone else feel like they are lying about being part of the a-spec community?

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I don't really feel that way, but then again I'm 28 and only figured out I'm aroace last year.  I have been considering this stuff for a long, long time.  So it's a bit different for me.  Also, I'm good at what some people would call "doublethink".  Like when I have squishes/crushes, I am good at reconciling it with my identity.  I know many aros get squishes, but for me it's still something I have to reconcile because it's not the stereotype.

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I myself am just getting used to the idea that I might be an asexual. In fact I probably am. Learning about Aromanticism was pretty straightforward and accepting it was just a matter of letting my mind settle in, and even that didn't take long. But then again I've had enough life experience for me to look at and say "yup, that makes sense." But Asexuality, as with sexual subjects generally, is proving to be a quite a bit more complicated. The thought hadn't even occurred to me that I might be ace as well. But reading some threads here and some accounts of ace people got me thinking. And that got me researching. And the more I learn about how different aces experience it, the more I think this fits me. But even as I write this I fear I'm being dishonest if I go about saying I'm aroace now, instead of just aro. But I also realize the case is exactly the opposite. For the first time in my life I'm being honest with myself about these things. What I thought about myself before now was ideas thrust on me by society and I had accepted into myself.

This is my advice. Don't force anything. Don't try to convince yourself. And don't feel bad about being confused. And don't feel bad about feeling bad, that'll just make you feel worse. Take your time, let your mind process. Self-study is one of the hardest subjects you'll ever learn.

And if I may, I'd like to recommend a song for that playlist, it's one of my favorites

https://youtu.be/w3zcypsjO8o

 

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i've been feeling similar lately like maybe it's not a big deal and you're actually just faking and you're a late bloomer after all and kinda invalid like idk how to describe its just weird.I feel so different compared to my other friends like somehow they are feeling all this and i'm so confused or i feel like they just tolerate me being there even though i know that's not true.i feel so different compared to everyone else like i'm just missing something and i don't understand them. I've also been constantly asking myself what if you're bi or something?but then i work through it because I've never felt anything towards anyone.

10 hours ago, ArrowAce said:

does anyone else feel like they are lying about being part of the a-spec community?

yes.

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yes i do feel like i'm just lying to myself sometimes (part of why i'm sorta afraid to come out, i don't want to affirm an identity that might not apply to me)

i have no clue what attraction even is supposed to be really

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13 hours ago, ArrowAce said:

does anyone else feel like they are lying about being part of the a-spec community?

A lot. Mainly because I've experienced romantic attraction before (abet rarely) and am currently dating someone. Also because I'm aplatonic and do not relate to the aro communities version of 'love'. I'm constantly worried I won't be welcome in aro spaces because of those factors, especially in real life spaces.   

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2 hours ago, Lovebird said:

A lot. Mainly because I've experienced romantic attraction before (abet rarely) and am currently dating someone.

Pretty much this. I've never felt sexual attraction and very rarely feel romantic attraction (my current partner is the 2nd time ever) but that on top of my libido feels like I don't qualify as either acespec or arospec.

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i feel like im lying to myself about my gender not my aroaceness. im deadass sure im within the spectrum so theres obvious no doubt but my gender on the other hand is iffy. i know im not cis and i find the nonbinary label to fit but sometimes i feel like i might be faking it just want to be included in the community more; rest assured the social and body gender dysphorias are pretty real experience so i dont think so anymore. sometimes i still do though

Edited by sevan
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I feel like I'm lying about my aroness mostly

sometimes i think that maybe I'm just a really confused allo, maybe I've been faking and I've tricked myself and everyone around me, or maybe I'm a late bloomer 

And the way I experience my grayromanticism, if it even is that doesn't help me.

I get crushes often compared to other grayros i see online. but it's so weak that my longest fully romantic crush only lasted 2 days 

So I feel aro most of the time I guess but I don't feel like I belong anywhere because of my getting crushes pretty often thing

 

 

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I get it. Imposter syndrome sucks. These days I'm very confident in my sexual and romantic orientations, but I've had my shares of doubts back in the day.

Detachment from others in all realms can be a sign of a mental disorder, for sure. I most likely have a personality disorder that affects how I interact with others and makes me isolate myself, currently in the midst of the diagnostic process. That said, there are specific guidelines for these disorders, and only a professional can confirm or disconfirm. And if it's truly a disorder or not, that depends mostly on if it causes you distress, or affects your ability to connect to others in a destructive way.

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Maybe it will always feel hard to prove a negative. I personally identify more with solo and single identity rather than being aro or ace. As I see it many aros couple up in romantic relationships. I feel I have more in common with a solo alloromantic person than an aro in, say a qpr.

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I did when I was younger - hearing those around me talk about their interests & assuming that I would surely also be interested when I was older. Trying to turn squishes & aesthetic attraction into love & lust was quite fake. I haven't felt that way since coming to understand what it means to be aro ace.

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