Solo poly

[alto]

I have become really curious about solo poly as of late.  I have also become curious about relationship anarchy.  I am an avid reader of KIMCHI CUDDLES, which is a webcomic about polyamory, so I think that is where I heard those terms.  I guess I basically consider my friends to be my significant others, but I don't know how to tell them that or whether it would be appropriate to do so or even if it is appropriate to think of my friends that way at all.  I don't want to make anything weird.  But I am excited to find a label that MIGHT describe how I am feeling.  I would rather label myself than my relationships.

What would you do if you were me?

[Nix]

With my own friends I am very open so I would probably ask/tell them directly, but I don't know your friends of course.

Do they read the same comic? Maybe you can show it to them and casually talk about the terms that are explored there. That way you can test the waters a bit. 

[alto]

Good idea

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

"Significant others" as in you consider yourself to be in a partnership with them? If so, you need to talk to them. You can't be in a partnership with someone without their consent. I totally get feeling that your friends are important to you in the way a partner might be, but you need to talk to them before actually describing them with the same type of teminology.

[alto]

I don't talk about them that way.  I just sort of think about them that way.  You do have a fair point, though.

[Holmbo]

On 5/24/2022 at 6:50 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

"Significant others" as in you consider yourself to be in a partnership with them? If so, you need to talk to them. You can't be in a partnership with someone without their consent. I totally get feeling that your friends are important to you in the way a partner might be, but you need to talk to them before actually describing them with the same type of teminology.

Yeah it might cause expectations that they have not agreed to.

[alto]

Also a wise point.

[Holmbo]

@altohow did it go? Did you talk to your friends about solo polyamory?

I'm also interested in this label because I'm looking for more emotional intimacy in my life. I'm involved a bit in polyam circles but I'm not sure how to proceed because actively dating for friendships feels kinda awkward.

I identify as a relationship anarchist so my ideal would be to just let friendships grow organically into more emotional intimacy but in reality it's hard to come across someone who's interested in this and is a platonic fit.

[alto]

I didn't!  My friend web has sort of shifted.  But who knows?  I might someday.

[MulticulturalFarmer]

18 hours ago, Holmbo said:

@altohow did it go? Did you talk to your friends about solo polyamory?

I'm also interested in this label because I'm looking for more emotional intimacy in my life. I'm involved a bit in polyam circles but I'm not sure how to proceed because actively dating for friendships feels kinda awkward.

I identify as a relationship anarchist so my ideal would be to just let friendships grow organically into more emotional intimacy but in reality it's hard to come across someone who's interested in this and is a platonic fit.

I've also fallen into the trap of "dating" in order to get more emotional intimacy. I try to be upfront but then I have to admit, it was a bit daunting if the other person wasn't upfront about what they were looking for or didn't want to say what they were looking for. So sometimes I wasn't as upfront as I should have been. When I used OkCupid or other dating sites, like subreddits (yikes!) people were turned off I said I was aro and acted like the only option was to be their friend and they weren't looking for a friend. 

[MulticulturalFarmer]

On 5/21/2022 at 7:01 PM, alto said:

I have become really curious about solo poly as of late.  I have also become curious about relationship anarchy.  I am an avid reader of KIMCHI CUDDLES, which is a webcomic about polyamory, so I think that is where I heard those terms.  I guess I basically consider my friends to be my significant others, but I don't know how to tell them that or whether it would be appropriate to do so or even if it is appropriate to think of my friends that way at all.  I don't want to make anything weird.  But I am excited to find a label that MIGHT describe how I am feeling.  I would rather label myself than my relationships.

What would you do if you were me?

Ah okay kimchi cuddles is a webcomic, eh? I shall check it out. Wait a minute, you can host webcomics on Tumblr? Wild stuff. Never thought that that would be a thing.

[alto]

50 minutes ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

Ah okay kimchi cuddles is a webcomic, eh? I shall check it out. Wait a minute, you can host webcomics on Tumblr? Wild stuff. Never thought that that would be a thing.

Kimchi Cuddles is pretty cool.

[Holmbo]

5 hours ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

...  people were turned off I said I was aro and acted like the only option was to be their friend and they weren't looking for a friend. 

Yeah that's what I'm thinking is likely to happen. So many people seem to be like "friendship?! Ew!" as if it's some kind of sad stand in for a romantic relationship.
I think rather than look for strangers to befriend I'm going to work on deepening my existing relationships and seek opportunities for new ones with people I meet. It's kinda hard for me though because I'm a very autonomous person so I don't naturally feel much of a drive to connect with others, I'll have to give it some conscious effort.