How old do I have to be before I know I’m aro?

[Guest Veryconfusedteenager]

I am 15, and I have never had a crush, or wanted to date/have a relationship. I discovered the term aromantic in january, and it made a lot of sense to me, but I’m not sure if I’m not too young to know for sure? Since I haven’t had a crush i don’t know the normal ages to get them, so i might get my first crush at 16 or 17 or something and have to rethink everything? I know I’m not asexual, and I am comfortable in my gender. But i find the romantic side of things so confusing!

[Guest]

Hey! I can sort of relate to what you were saying, I felt the same way when I was questioning. I realized I was aromantic when I was 14. I don't think you can be 'too young to know' if you're aromantic. If you feel like the label aromantic suits you and you feel comfortable with it, then you should use it. Keep in mind that your romantic orientation might change in the future, and that's ok and totally valid. I think it's important to find labels that suit you, while understanding that there's the possibility that they might change.

Good luck, and I hope you're able to figure this out :)

Edited April 22, 2022 by queer_kaleidoscope

[Apex]

I started calling myself aromantic when I was ~14, I'm 25 now and it still fits 😄

If you feel like a term describes you, you can use it. It doesn't have to describe you forever because we all change as we grow older ("show me a permanent state of the self" yadda yadda.) You're right that you may get your first crush at 16 or 17 or 20, but you could also never get a crush. You can't know what's going to happen in the future

[nanno]

i discovered that i was aromantic when i was like 18 or 19 when i had my first datemate. and then after i was with somebody else. but i had crushes on people i still have but i've figured out lately that most of them were bc i thought i have to have someone i like and have interest in or maybe i rather want to be them than with them bc when i actually think about being in relationship i don't really see it i don't know what to do or it makes me uncomfortable. when you don;t see and feel with that you can be aro it can be that person

Edited April 23, 2022 by nanno

[Mark]

16 hours ago, queer_kaleidoscope said:

Hey! I can sort of relate to what you were saying, I felt the same way when I was questioning. I realized I was aromantic when I was 14. I don't think you can be 'too young to know' if you're aromantic.

There is "too young to know if you are aroamntic". However it's also "too young to know if you are heteroromantic or alloromantic in general" and "(much) too young to be using social media without adult supervision". Something like six or less.

[roboticanary]

The way I would think of it is not as a strict age where you are 'old enough' but as a scale.

The things you want in life, whether that is in terms of romance, sex, friendship, general interests or whatever else are things you will find out about yourself as you grow older.

as you get older you will slowly nail down what you want in a relationship because you get a better idea of what you want for yourself. maybe that is a loose network of friends, maybe you look for a particular nonromantic sexual relationship, or purely platonic, with one person or many, with this genders or that, maybe you decide you prefer solitude to that. you narrow down how you want to live your life.

so as for when you know, you could never prove that there won't be someone out there who completely changes how you view your life, no-one can. But as you grow older, meet more people and try more things that idea gets less and less likely. 

 

Also, try not to fear having to rethink everything. That happens, it isn't a bad thing. 15 year old me had a lot of rethinking to do between then and now, and that is great because 15 year old me was an idiot. If you get a crush at 17 then run with it, work out what you want to do and try to make that happen. 

The way I got taught this is the idea that labels are descriptive rather than prescriptive. i.e. you should not avoid taking decisions or deny your feelings because it doesn't fit with a label you identified as before.

[YokaiDisarray]

There is no "old enough" to know your orientation. I knew I was asexual at 11, and at 19 I learned I was aromantic. Some people find out super early, some people find out super late. It varies from person to person, and theres no "right" age to discover parts of your identity.

[ClearSkiesAhear]

Fellow teenager here to give my two cents on this:

What might or might not happen in the future doesn’t matter.  You’re never “too young” to know yourself.  What matters is what feels right to you right now; labels aren’t permanent, you don’t just choose one then get stuck with it for the rest of your life.  If you feel like you might be aromantic, then try it out, experiment, explore.  If at the end of the day, no matter what you settle in you’ll atleast know yourself a little better.

[Angrboda]

We all grow & change at every point of life, so it's possible that any of us could, potentially feel differently in the future than we do at the moment. If it's helpful for you to use this term, that's great, but there's no need to let that word define your life.