sunny Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 so it's been a while. there is a sort of... nuance I've felt between relationships in it's varying forms with aro/ace people. i've actually lacked it in most of my other relationships. it's a little hard to explain, but i haven't seen a lot of people put it into words so i'm trying to do so here. i have a hard time asking for things i want, but in relationships i've been shown the importance of asking. because of my aroace intersectionality, i work incredibly hard to make my emotions known (and we all slip up, but we all also try- i think.) i try to gauge someone else's comfort before my own, because what may be platonic for me also ends up being romantic for others. henceforth my tension surrounding physical touch, when i know how easily this can be misconstrued. but in relationships that i've had for years- with folks i unfairly deem near-life partners (for the work i put in to maintain it, for my desire to see it through to the end, for my longing for emotional closeness) my sort of... expectations fall flat. people that i put the time in for don't necessarily want to put in the same time for me, and it's been this back and forth of me trying to get more out of them when they don't want to, and me trying to confront them with a certain level of emotional intimacy that they cannot/will not match. tldr; i care a lot about my relationships, and when i commit to a friendship... i commit to one. but so often the people i end up staying close to are ones who shy from emotional intimacy, or just straight lack emotional intelligence altogether. (knowing what they need, what they want, unable to have constructive conversations about a friendship that's gone wrong.) i wanted to see if other aro/aroace people felt similarly, and what your emotional invest in relationships sort of urges you to do. like because i'm emotionally invested, i strive for forthright communication with the people i love. i try to be emotionally intimate with my friends, and have that deep connection of understanding. the people i can't do that with, i either try too hard and burn out, or we mostly stop talking. especially with cishet people, i have struggled to earn even a slight emotional weight to a friendship. is it just that aromantic people think more about emotions than others? i feel like we have to some degree be emotionally cognizant for us to understand our feelings, let alone try to explain it to others. let me bullet point some questions, this feels all over: what sort of things do you require in a close friendship? do you have standards about what you need from other people? have you ever had issues with your relationships not meeting your needs, and what have you done? how has that gone? with your personal standards, how has holding true to them gone? do you find a harm in having standards for your relationships? thanks. just been on the mind. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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