What is 'Squish', examples?

[Falcon7]

I had a conversation with non-aro friend and I couldn't really explain what 'squish' is. I could somehow clarify 'squish' and 'crush'. But Is it different from wish for a strong friendship with a specific person/already friend? Also how does it feel like to have 'squish'? I know it can be different from person to person but examples can be helpful. Thanks.

[Naegleria fowleri]

When I first encountered the term, I would have had no idea how to answer this question. My orientation was still up in the air and I couldn't really differentiate between close platonic and romantic, yada, yada. Now though I think I get it.

 

You sort of get more excited about the person than you usually would about a friend. I met this one girl, and at first we were just acquaintances in a friends group. But she had some clever quips, just generally made me laugh and I was like man, what a cool person! I was excited to talk to her. I would go to the cafeteria at my university and hope she'd be there. I wouldn't be oh so disappointed if she wasn't though. I grew to particularly like the sound of her name and her voice. For me, the strength of a squish is more intense than casual friendship, but less intense than what I imagine (and what people have described) a crush to be. Like a friend-crush. 

 

Other times, there's a sort of nervousness when around the person, almost crush-like. All of my squishes have disappeared either out of boredom or time spent apart. Thankfully, they don't consume a large part of my mental capacity.

 

 

[Falcon7]

Thanks @Naegleria fowleri , it's very helpful and now I think I got the meaning of it, too! If you don't mind to answer - did you tell those people that you had/have squish on them or just keep it in your mind? I kinda got the similar experience but not sure what to do with it.

[arolectriclady]

Before I knew I was aro, my "crushes" would take up a lot of my mental capacity because I did not have the language to describe my end goal. I knew I was drawn to a particular person, but the thought of doing anything romantic or sexual (I'm aroace) with them just did not compute. So my crushes actually gave me a lot of anxiety because I had no idea what I was feeling. 

 

But something clicked when I discovered the word "squish." Some aros and aces do not prefer the term, but for me it really helps communicate an intense platonic attraction and admiration that is similar yet fundamentally different from a crush.

 

Similarities (based on how I have heard people describe crushes): My squish becomes kind of a hobby. I fangirl over them. I admire them aesthetically. I am curious about their thoughts. I wish to be around them. I care about what they think of me. I feel a general sense of happiness that they exist in the world. I like to bask in their presence. 

 

Differences: Dating? Sex? No thanks. I would just like to be close friends. I am not jealous when they date other people - I just would like to make sure I can still spend time with them. 

 

Now that I think about it, my squishes resemble celebrity crushes without the romantic and sexual attraction lmaooo. Or they make me feel the same excitement I experience when I see a cute dog. I think that is also why I like the term "squish" bc I just want to squish them because they make me happy! It can also feel like admiring a painting that you find beautiful, and that resonates with you for some reason. 

 

As for describing squishes to non-aces and aros, I usually begin my describing the ways my squishes are similar to crushes. It helps when you start with an experience they understand. Then I get into what makes a squish different. Metaphors (like celebrity crushes, cute animals, and paintings lol) can also work well. 

[Naegleria fowleri]

@Falcon7  I never told any of my squishes, but don't let that stop you if that's what you want to do!

 

I've had maybe 3 squishes, and one of them might have just been excitement over the fact that I met a boy and he was nice and he liked me (though once the flirty text compliments started happening I pretty much lost my enthusiasm altogether- part of that romance repulsion thing I didn't know about yet). The other two were on girls, and only one of the two knew I was aro; she would be the only person I'd consider telling. Just to avoid the whole wait, you have a crush on me? debacle. However, I kind of said it without saying it because when I asked for her number I told her I thought she was cool and that I would want to talk to her over the summer. I didn't go into graphic detail about how particularly friendly I felt around her, but I didn't really need to in order to spend more time with her.

 

[Falcon7]

Thanks a lot @arolectriclady!

 

On 6/17/2018 at 11:41 PM, arolectriclady said:

Now that I think about it, my squishes resemble celebrity crushes without the romantic and sexual attraction lmaooo. Or they make me feel the same excitement I experience when I see a cute dog. I think that is also why I like the term "squish" bc I just want to squish them because they make me happy! It can also feel like admiring a painting that you find beautiful, and that resonates with you for some reason. 

 

As for describing squishes to non-aces and aros, I usually begin my describing the ways my squishes are similar to crushes. It helps when you start with an experience they understand. Then I get into what makes a squish different. Metaphors (like celebrity crushes, cute animals, and paintings lol) can also work well. 

 This explanation really makes sense! I like the metaphors, particularly cute animals!

On 6/18/2018 at 6:46 AM, Naegleria fowleri said:

However, I kind of said it without saying it because when I asked for her number I told her I thought she was cool and that I would want to talk to her over the summer. I didn't go into graphic detail about how particularly friendly I felt around her, but I didn't really need to in order to spend more time with her.

Thanks @Naegleria fowleri for sharing your experience. Yeah not directly 'teeling' it can work, too, bcause what I want is spending longer time with them. They are aro and they know I'm aro, too so there won't be any confusions but still I don't have courage to say something about it anyway.

[aro_elise]

these descriptions resonate with me.  i like talking to them, even listening to them, and just being around them, being excited to see them, assuming i know them irl.  (i've had them on celebrities and internet friends.)  i want to get to know them better.  aesthetic attraction can be involved, but isn't necessarily.  i find myself thinking about them more often than i do about friends or people i just find sexually attractive.  i can have what i call 'aro crushes'--squish + sexual attraction--on guys, but i totally have purely platonic squishes, where gender isn't a factor.  some people are saying they've had just a few in their life, whereas i have a few a year.  i don't have one at the moment--my most recent was a little aro crush on a french guy i met in japan last month.  before that, a squish on a girl with whom i interacted on youtube and tumblr.

[Falcon7]

Thanks a lot for your clear explanation, @aro_elise! Although I'm Ace, I can relate many things you mentioned.

[blackwatch]

On 6/18/2018 at 1:41 AM, arolectriclady said:

Before I knew I was aro, my "crushes" would take up a lot of my mental capacity because I did not have the language to describe my end goal. I knew I was drawn to a particular person, but the thought of doing anything romantic or sexual (I'm aroace) with them just did not compute. So my crushes actually gave me a lot of anxiety because I had no idea what I was feeling. 

 

But something clicked when I discovered the word "squish." Some aros and aces do not prefer the term, but for me it really helps communicate an intense platonic attraction and admiration that is similar yet fundamentally different from a crush.

 

Similarities (based on how I have heard people describe crushes): My squish becomes kind of a hobby. I fangirl over them. I admire them aesthetically. I am curious about their thoughts. I wish to be around them. I care about what they think of me. I feel a general sense of happiness that they exist in the world. I like to bask in their presence. 

 

Differences: Dating? Sex? No thanks. I would just like to be close friends. I am not jealous when they date other people - I just would like to make sure I can still spend time with them. 

 

Now that I think about it, my squishes resemble celebrity crushes without the romantic and sexual attraction lmaooo. Or they make me feel the same excitement I experience when I see a cute dog. I think that is also why I like the term "squish" bc I just want to squish them because they make me happy! It can also feel like admiring a painting that you find beautiful, and that resonates with you for some reason. 

 

As for describing squishes to non-aces and aros, I usually begin my describing the ways my squishes are similar to crushes. It helps when you start with an experience they understand. Then I get into what makes a squish different. Metaphors (like celebrity crushes, cute animals, and paintings lol) can also work well. 

if i felt all the things that you discribe and in addition i wanted to kiss him, that still called squish? or threre is another word for this?

[arolectriclady]

On 7/7/2018 at 6:04 AM, blackwatch said:

if i felt all the things that you discribe and in addition i wanted to kiss him, that still called squish? or threre is another word for this?

 Sounds to me that would still be a squish that has an element of sensual attraction? For more of a breakdown of that you can check out the bottom of this post http://cupcakearrow.tumblr.com/acearothings

[blackwatch]

15 hours ago, arolectriclady said:

 Sounds to me that would still be a squish that has an element of sensual attraction? For more of a breakdown of that you can check out the bottom of this post http://cupcakearrow.tumblr.com/acearothings

Thank you!

[blackwatch]

17 hours ago, arolectriclady said:

 Sounds to me that would still be a squish that has an element of sensual attraction? For more of a breakdown of that you can check out the bottom of this post http://cupcakearrow.tumblr.com/acearothings

And another question if i may, it is reasonable that i feel want to execute my sensual attraction only in kiss and not in something else?

[arolectriclady]

3 hours ago, blackwatch said:

And another question if i may, it is reasonable that i feel want to execute my sensual attraction only in kiss and not in something else?

Of course! If it qualifies as sensual attraction for you, then that is what it is. I think we have the right to define our own boundaries when it comes to this stuff, rather than have them defined under the limiting binary of "romantic" vs "platonic." 

[blackwatch]

29 minutes ago, arolectriclady said:

Of course! If it qualifies as sensual attraction for you, then that is what it is. I think we have the right to define our own boundaries when it comes to this stuff, rather than have them defined under the limiting binary of "romantic" vs "platonic." 

I think that is sensual attraction,im little confuse about all of the attraction

[Silyun]

I relate to a lot of what you all said. Usually, when I have a squish I just want to get to know them and be really close to them. I'm happy when we're together but I don't think about them a lot, I just enjoy the moment while it lasts.

There's also some sensual attraction involved. In the case of my current squish, I don't particularly want to kiss them or anything like that but I want to hold their hand and rest my head against their shoulder (I know it sounds cheesy haha).

[AroAce]

On 6/15/2018 at 6:42 PM, Falcon7 said:

I had a conversation with non-aro friend and I couldn't really explain what 'squish' is. I could somehow clarify 'squish' and 'crush'. But Is it different from wish for a strong friendship with a specific person/already friend? Also how does it feel like to have 'squish'? I know it can be different from person to person but examples can be helpful. Thanks.

For me:

• I feel really good around them. Nothing specific, just my brain releases a lot of endorphins when I'm around them and it makes me happy.
• I want to talk to them. I think about reasons to talk to them because I want to find out more about what they're like.
• I tend to want hugs from them. I usually really want them to hug me or really want to hug them (they can be so cute, it's really hard not to).
• I don't feel jealous. I think this is important to mention because from what I've heard from my allo friends, they get jealous if their crush likes someone or dates somebody. When my squish likes someone, I even help them date the person they like!