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arolectriclady's Achievements


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  1. At middle school dances, I loved to fawn over the couples who were slow dancing but I absolutely did not want to be involved in a slow dance myself 😂
  2. Thank you, @Cee Fox ! Just to get a topic going I thought I'd share this post I made on Tumblr about the marriage of two famous Bollywood celebrities and how that impacts me as an aro of South Asian descent. I feel like each poc community has distinct, deep-set attitudes toward marriage and these are my thoughts on those in the South Asian community.
  3. I have avoided romcoms ever since realizing I was aro but recently I watched the Netflix movie "To All the Boys I've Ever Loved" with my sister because it looked cute and fun plus the lead was an Asian American actress. I enjoyed the movie but the fact that the lead character was quite pressured to finally get a boyfriend after years of pining and admiring from afar made me sad. They connected dating to her personal development. According to the story, dating and having a boyfriend made her a bolder and more confident person. But the thing is, you do not need a romantic relationship to push you out of your comfort zone and grow. That idea is so harmful and yes like you said @aro_elise so connected to heteronormativity as well.
  4. Just wondering if there are any other Asian American or Asian aros on here. What's your experience been like? For me, my parents are pretty liberal compared to other Asian parents. As a woman, I did not grow up with the pressure to get married nor were my parents super strict about dating. Their openness actually made me wonder what was stopping me from pursuing romance since I did not have them to blame for "holding me back."
  5. Hi, I was wondering if Arocalypse could have an Intersectionality forum. AVEN has one and it is obviously open to aros as well but the posts are mostly skewed toward ace people. I was hoping to connect with other aros of color and I think an Intersectionality forum would help with that. People could also talk about how their aro-ness connects with other aspects of their life.
  6. Idk if this is more related to non-monogamy/relationship anarchy but part of me has no idea why cheating is such a big deal. Like...people are going to feel attracted to other people even while in a relationship! Idk what the big deal is! Why can't the couple just acknowledge that it might happen and if it does just talk it out? Or maybe open the relationship? It would be unreasonable to tell your friends to only spend quality time and have heart-to-hearts with you...how is a romantic relationship any different? *Throws hands up in air* I don't get it.
  7. I loved romcoms and romantic movies growing up, but I do think they can instill problematic ideas about gender and relationships. I think we can enjoy these movies but at the same time acknowledge that they are not and should not apply to real life. I really appreciated this video because so many of these tropes caused me to believe I was not aro but rather just one of those "independent women who needed to be worn down." The whole "no means yes" concept was pretty harmful to me too as an aro person because I thought I wanted romance "deep down." Can anyone else attest to being dangerously misguided by these tropes?
  8. Cannot empathize with dating small talk and as a result, I feel annoyed or left out lmao Social anxiety around straight men because I am afraid they will pursue or view me romantically. I genuinely feel myself relax when a guy I am socializing with is either gay/bi/pan or in a relationship because in my mind that marks him as "safe." Like you said, @Holmbo , I do not always feel uncomfortable talking about my long-term life plans as a single/non amorous person Choosing not to open up about being aro because people will look at me with pity or convince me I am just jaded or shy and need to find the right person I feel I can tackle a lot of these social snags through cultivating more confidence and self-compassion for myself, as well as pride in being aro. But yeah social skills and situations are just difficult when people have little knowledge about ace and aro identities. One upside though is having representation. I came out as aroace to my friend this past weekend and it was a more efficient and less stressful conversation because I could refer to Todd from Bojack Horseman (my friend and I both watch the show). Todd had elaborated in one episode about ace & aro and how the two identities are not mutually exclusive. Having well-executed references or characters in the media makes communicating so much easier because the other person will understand it more quickly and it does not have to be this Big Thing.
  9. I watched the movie "Little Manhattan" on the plane when I was younger and I was uncomfortable throughout the whole thing but ESPECIALLY when they held hands. The girl took her hand away IN ORDER TO WIPE HER SWEAT and then held the boy's hand again. Ugh I thought it was so gross and honestly I have never been into hand holding because I do not see the point like your hands get warm and sweaty as if they are telling you to let go and set them free lmao
  10. I would feel thrown off and disoriented whenever a close friend of mine expressed an interest and/or desire to date either in the present or distant future. I assumed because I feel so connected to these friends on a variety of other levels that they would share my attitude to relationships. But instead, there seemed to be this break in our commonality.
  11. When I was growing up and starting to learn about romantic relationships, I hated the thought of getting to know someone and then eventually having to break up with them. That just sounded so sad and like a complete waste of time. What was the point if it is likely you will break up anyway? I guess that was an early sign that I prefer long-term close friendships and that I do not experience the romantic attraction people feel that "make it all worth it." Because if you think about it, without the romantic attraction component, romo relationships sound pretty miserable and pointless.
  12. Any aros in the DC, Maryland, and Virginia area? There is an asexual meetup group here and some aros are members but I thought I would reach out on here as well
  13. From what I have read, squishes can feel a lot like crushes (nerves, wanting to be liked back, etc). I have experienced these feelings for people, so once I realized I was aroace I figured these experiences were squishes. But then I realized the objects of these squishes were either straight guys or queer girls/enbys. In other words, people who have the capacity to be attracted to me (a cis girl). I have never "squished" on a straight girl before and this pattern got me thinking about compulsory sexual and romo attraction. I appreciate people aesthetically and/or admire personality and sense of humor. When these feelings were directed to a guy or a queer girl/enby) I assumed they constituted a crush. I like...inserted their sexuality into mine, if that makes sense? My brain would go, "Oh. I like him as a person and find him interesting and fun to talk to. Guess I must be straight then." Or if I knew a girl or enby was queer, I would have the same thought process and assume I was bisexual. And then I would get really stressed. Romo people view crushes as stressful too but it seems more like an excitement kind of stress. As in, the foundation of their anxious feelings is romantic attraction, which has largely been described to me a positive, thrilling experience in spite of its pitfalls. Whereas my stress comprised of dread at the fact that I had to date them since that was the "logical" next step. Then I learned about squishes and figured that is what they were. But now that I think about it, I think I just wanted these people as friends and then gave myself anxiety over them because I thought they were crushes. I would feel pressured to date them just because I liked them just as platonically and aesthetically as I liked my straight girlfriends or even straight women in general. There was never anything "more." I just felt like there had to be because amatonormativity and compulsory sexuality are powerful forces. Anyways, I do not think this is how romo or sexual attraction works. Like, straight dudes fall for gay women. Straight girls can fall for gay guys. Gay women fall or straight women. Gay men fall for straight dudes. Whereas in my aroace case (lol rhyme), I literally had no agency and just assumed another person's attraction/orientation to be my own as well. These are just reflections on past experiences that happened before I knew I was aroace. Now that I know my orientation, I think time will tell. Maybe I will have a squish! They sound fun. But if I never get one then that's okay too. I'm happy with the love I feel for my friends and family.
  14. When I would experience what I thought was a crush and they got a boyfriend or girlfriend, I would not feel jealous. I would feel kind of sad/bummed, but there was no desire to be their romantic partner or take their romantic partner's place. Idk I guess an early sign was that dating was just never something I considered when I harbored a crush. If my crush started dating I just felt confused. Like, is that what I was supposed to do this entire time? Lol no thanksssss Looking back I think I got squishes on people I wanted to spend time with and get to know better. If they got a partner, I felt like I could no longer pursue a close friendship because they were already spending a lot of their quality time with someone else. Idk I feel like we live in a weird culture where you cannot become close friends with someone in a relationship because it would appear as a "threat" to their romantic relationship or something?
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