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Naegleria fowleri

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Everything posted by Naegleria fowleri

  1. Drawing inspiration from the pride group at my school, having low-key events/activities that may have nothing to with orientation, such as DnD, art, music, snack potluck, etc, could be a good way to draw in a range of people. Such as those who are unsure about their orientation, may be aro but don't want to admit it yet, or are romantic but want to be an ally/learn more about aromanticism. Are you thinking of making the group exclusive to aces and aros, or open to all? The pride group at my school is very inclusive (we have plenty of straight and cis members and pretty much only exclude phobic jerks) and it works well for us. Lets people join without outing themselves, and all.
  2. Or as my professor once put it, "So it's like being a straight boy in a room full of straight boys."
  3. Most people on here will tell you that the only person who can truly understand your orientation is you. From what I've seen there are a lot of facets to orientation, and just because two people are aromantic doesn't mean they are going to experience it the same way. I mean, think about romantic people; some fall totally head over heels constantly, and some have a milder interest. It's similar with aros. You don't sound romantic to me, but keep hanging out here and see what you think.
  4. This might help or it might not but here's a list of things I once thought were crushes and then realized they weren't: -Becoming friends with someone, then wanting to show her these WTF post-it notes which I thought were hilarious, but getting nervous about it because what if she got offended by them? This was in Grade 8. -Meeting someone of the opposite gender who was nice, funny, responsible (ticked all the "boxes"), and who liked me, and getting excited about the fact that he liked me. We spent a while in friend limbo, waiting for me to have feelings for him, but alas, it never happened. Sometimes if I'm having a squish and I want to make sure I'm not having a crush I ask myself: -Could you make these feelings disappear if you really wanted to? Yes? Phew. -Does this person make you want to do romantic things (like kissing, or gaze at each other with goo-goo eyes)? No? Phew. -Do you think about them very often? Not really? Phew. I also find my squishes stem from a small number of admirable traits that I happen to notice about someone, and this grows into a fondness of them in general. This sounds like a crush, but it's not connected to a desire to do romantic stuff with them; if I get any desires at all they're usually very innocent and sensual, like leaning my head on their shoulder. Then again, I also happen to be asexual so my experience will be different from yours. Welcome to Arocalypse!
  5. Currently thinking about romantic people in the same manner that certain old people think of kids these days. Like: Them crazy romo-folk and their crushes. What's the matter with you people? 🤣

  6. Was explaining aromanticism to someone today (a stranger who overheard me talking about it with someone else) and when I explained that I don't get crushes or date or anything like that he legit asks me, "So... what are your goals then?" Lol. We had a good chat.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. aro_elise


      no way!  i would have been speechless.

    3. Naegleria fowleri

      Naegleria fowleri

      Right so for some reason or another I've designated myself "aro spokesperson" and so any time I get an opportunity to reasonably work aromanticism into a conversation I usually do (I suppose it helps that my family is cool with it and I've had some great responses in the past). But anyway, I find these conversations really fulfilling because when this person said, "But, everyone gets crushes," I replied with, "Well, how can you be so sure?" And I saw him slowly start to question his worldview. We kept going, he asked how did I know I wouldn't have a crush later in life? And I said, well maybe I will. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let that change the way I identify now. And I likened it to, well, how do we know a person who identifies as straight won't have a same sex attraction later in life. How can anyone really identify as anything, if we think that way? And he said he liked that way of looking at it.

      Maybe this is a university thing, but I've found a lot of people I've talked to appreciate being exposed to something new. They look at you with a sort of awe for having discovered this about yourself, in this world, and then standing up for it.

    4. aro_elise


      yeah i'm in uni and i've had a few people ask (usually because of the flag sticker on my laptop) and they've been cool about it.  i was explaining split attraction to my friend and he said his ex-girlfriend was "bisexual but only wanted relationships with guys" or something and i said she was probably heteroromantic bisexual, which is the most common combination.  so yeah, i don't purposely bring it up, but i don't usually avoid it.

  7. One of the hardest parts of coming out is trying to put your experiences into words romantic people can understand. Everyone comes out in their own way, but I'd like to share some things that have and have not worked for me. "Aromantics don't experience romantic attraction, ie. they don't get crushes, they don't fall in love, that sort of thing." ---> Response: "That sounds like a psychopath!" ...It turned out she confused falling in love with loving in general. She was much more accepting once I set her straight. "I don't think I want a boyfriend." ---> Response from my admirer: "Oh, you're not looking for a boyfriend right now. That's okay." Some people mix up aromanticism with temporary singledom. Explaining why I identify as aromantic: "I was in a relationship where we were mostly friends, but he liked me as more than that, and so I tried to make it work that way. And he would do things like look at me all sweetly and romantically, and I just felt so uncomfortable. But it wasn't because I didn't like him." ---> Coworker: "You know that's normal, right?" Apparently romance repulsion sounds a lot like butterflies when you explain it out loud; I've found people are a lot more understanding when you emphasize the distinction. "I'm asexual, which means this. I'm also aromantic, which means this. They sort of go together for me, but not for everybody." ----> Response: "I don't think you need to box yourself up in labels like this." People are usually more accepting if you introduce the concept before the vocabulary. Explaining it to children: "Did you guys know some people never get a crush in their whole lives?" ---> Response: "What?! I didn't know that!" I like to use this "fun fact" as a way of introducing the concept to pretty much anyone. Depending on the response, I'll usually add, "Btw I'm one of those people." Wearing aromantic pride flair sometimes garners questions, at which point a mini-lesson on aromanticism is usually welcome. I've had several people thank me for introducing them to the topic for different reasons. Some people just won't get it, and that's okay. Some people won't have any idea how to respond, and so they'll change the subject. That's okay too. So long as you don't let these people's views on aromanticism drag you down. You're not crazy and you're not the only one. But you know that already because you're here. ☺️
  8. A lot of people murder each other over romantic love... so I'm thankful for my increased life expectancy 😁 Also glad I don't have to pressure myself into looking pretty all the time in case I "meet someone".
  9. Slightly disappointed no-one's voted for "what skills" yet 😄
  10. I've never thought about best friendship this way, but I could see it. If there were a platonic extension to amatonormativity, qpr's and best friendships would probably fit. I basically grew up in that kind of relationship though (awesome single mom, no siblings, you know how it be) and it is something I like. However, I also kind of admire the kind of relationship everyone has on the TV show Friends (minus the romantic tension) where you have a gaggle of people who all share their lives together. Interesting topic, thanks for bringing it up.
  11. Woooo we've hit 1,000 members!!!

  12. Wow... I really like this. How long does something like that take to write?
  13. So... being guilted into things that make you uncomfortable is not a healthy relationship. There's a difference between, say, saving your partner the last cookie out of love even though you really wanted it, and forcing yourself to shove down a fight or flight reaction to please your partner. A lot of us have felt these feelings you're having when trapped in a romantic situation, and we call it romance repulsion. You feel repulsed, but it's not the person who's repulsive, it's the romance. Does that sound right? When I first discovered I was aromantic, I found it difficult to put into words what I was feeling. You feel like you're explaining it properly, because you have all of this inside knowledge, but to people who have no concept of any of this, it just... doesn't always translate. You know? "Discomfort" sounds like "butterflies"; "I don't like kissing" sounds like "You're not a good kisser" and so on. It becomes a lot easier to defend your feelings once you wrap your head around the idea that you're never obligated to love somebody. Not only that, but that non-romantic love is just as valuable as romantic love. Good. You hold on to that.
  14. I find this to be a very intriguing question too, and I didn't fill out the poll because what I really want to say is... both? Like, I don't think there was a time where I was ever romantic. But perhaps some of us are born more susceptible to becoming one thing or another, and our environment can sway in a certain direction. I've often wondered, if I'd grown up with two parents who loved each other romantically and all that stereotypical stuff, would I have ended up romantic? Maybe. Although I believe in another topic we were talking about orientations of family members, and some people did have highly romantic parents. So I dunno. I'd love it if some scientists could crack down on some research though.
  15. I have a knack for making sculptures out of pipe cleaners. It seems to really impress people. The pictures rotated themselves when I pasted them, and I couldn't get them to go back so I guess just turn your head 90 degrees to the left! Simple Dragonfly Rose Lil' Squeakers Cat Crocodile I don't use glue or anything, and all the parts are moveable, so you can open and close the jaw, and make the legs longer or shorter, take out an eye, etc. I'm also pretty good at studying, video games, writing stories and guitar.
  16. Your description of marriage certainly sounds aromantic! Really, all aromantic means is lacking romantic attraction. It takes some time and soul searching to pinpoint what "romantic attraction" means and whether or not you've felt it. I think of romantic attraction as a driving force connected to a specific person that makes you want to do romantic stuff with them. So, it's more than just liking romantic stuff, and it's more than just deciding someone would be a good candidate to do romantic stuff with. That being said, marriage doesn't necessarily have to be romantic. Closeness isn't necessarily romantic either. I am firmly aromantic, and I would definitely be open to a best friends marriage (although I perceive marriage to be kind of a prison so I would probably have a common law partnership instead 😁).
  17. So I got this bold idea to email my favourite author, Jodi Picoult, to ask her if she would be willing to write an aromantic character in one of her future books. I got a maybe! Essentially she said if an aromantic character fits organically into the plot of one of her books she would consider it, but she wouldn't want to shoehorn one in just to make a statement. Which is totally fair. Anyway if this ever does happen it would be huge for us because not only is Jodi a master of her craft, she's also famous. Just wanted to share!

  18. You should totally be allowed to share important epiphanies about your life with your friends without feeling guilty. As people mentioned above, the reaction you got was probably more of a confused silence than a grudging one. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this. I get that many people can't really wrap their heads around the idea of someone never having romo feelings, but when you make an aro joke or reference or comment and receive no reaction you just feel selfish for even bringing it up. Like, we get it, you're aro. Quit bringing it up already. It makes it hard to share things that are on my mind anywhere other than here, and I'm a pretty share-y person! Anyway, whenever something's peeving me about being aromantic and I can't share it, I usually start trying to write a song. Which is ironic, considering young teenaged me was "waiting for a relationship so I could start writing real songs". How the turn tables
  19. Hey, welcome! What do you do for a living? I'm curious.
  20. Oh I totally get those desires, if I understood you correctly. Sometimes I'll become good friends with someone and I'll want to sit close beside them or lean my head on their shoulder or whatever else. These desires are fleeting though, and I usually never act on them because I feel some sort of social barrier. I never tried to classify it after I found out it wasn't romantic attraction, but sensual attraction sounds about right.
  21. Am I the only who read the topic title to the tune of "Hello" by Adele? Anyway, welcome!
  22. I mean, I like to use the term "in love" in completely non-romantic situations such as "I'm in love with this cat" or "I'm in love with this new book", and I guess I do that to express a sudden infatuation for an object or an entity. So I suppose if you use "falling in love" in a metaphorical, non-romantic sense, then yes? However I would think of falling in love romantically as what divides romantics from aromantics. "Falling" implies a loss of control, whereas bonding and building a strong relationship is a conscious choice. People who fall in love may also choose to build a relationship over time, but I would consider them separate things.
  23. Raised some awareness today! Here's the conversation I had at the kids summer camp where I work. The kids are aged 7-9 and one kid had a sticker of a boy's face on her phone.


    Kid 1: Why do you have a sticker of him on your phone with all those hearts around it? Do you have a crush on him?


    Kid 2: No. I like him but I don't have a crush on him. I just put the hearts as decoration.


    Me: Hey, did you guys know some people never get crushes in their whole lives?


    Kids: What?!!!

  24. This article made me think a lot. Something that struck a chord with me was how they described a common reaction we get when coming out as "absolute condescension". Being told that when I find the right person I'll understand; I pretty much expect that from people. I'm sure most of us do. Actually, they addressed a lot of things that are just a way of life for many of us and made it sound like these are legitimate issues and people should care and it just... was weirdly validating and alarming at the same time? Did anyone else get that?
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