Ekaterina

Hello, welcome!

This one is literally called Song About Friendship: It's in Russian, and comes from a Soviet/Russian historical adventure film Gardes-Marines, Forward! Pretty inspiring one.

Welcome!

Hello and welcome! Hope you find it comfortable here. And I enjoy art history too)

Welcome!

Yes, exactly. "No means no" and "people don't owe anyone romantic feelings" is a topic on its own a lot can be said about, for both aros and non-aros. And can relate to an extent. Luckily I wasn't persistently pursued by a "potential romantic interest", but during school times certain other girls won't let me breathe with "which boy do you like?" and "why don't you have a boyfriend?" over and over again despite me telling many times that I'm just not interested in that. Those two girls in particular literally didn't have another conversation topic with me, well also "why don't you use cosmetics?" all over again too, which also wasn't their right to "fix" me about. Through probably a situation when someone does the "why don't you have a partner?" thing implying "why I am not your partner" is worse. Sorry for everyone who had dealt with this kind of people.

Oh I see, thanks for explaining. I didn't know this part about sexual explanation symbolism (how does this explanation work though if you don't mind telling, do people use analogy to pollination to explain sex? Would make sense, through it's more about the flowers that are engaging in their version of a reproductive act than the bees that provide the service. Also, what part do birds play in the explanation? Birds, especially songbirds and birds like swans, are often associated with romance, but what's about them that allows to explain sex easier?) And great to hear I gave you an idea for a poem, good luck with it! Sounds like it would be a lovely one.

Good poem from the point of idea, but bad symbolism. Bees aren't "romantic", most of them - the worker bees - are actually unable to reproduce and don't mate and aren't supposed to, their life revolves around all kinds of different things (building, food gathering and pollination, standing guard, raising the young which are their siblings not their kids). The queen and the few males are the only ones that deal with mating (since the species needs to reproduce to survive). The bees (collective bees like the bumblebees and the honey bee, and ants that work the same way) are among the most aromantic/asexual-coded animals ever.

Maybe that person who voted for my comment wanted to vote only for some parts of your comment, the ones I quoted, but not the others? That's the only reason I can think of. I'm surprised as well. If the voter is the original asker, maybe it's those points in particular they found helpful (like I did).

Adding my voice to this.

Can't say much for sure about Little Women, I haven't even actually read it or watched film adaptations, but I heard something about the author being pressured/forced to pair up last minute one of her heroines who wasn't supposed to be paired. Maybe it's that plotline you are speaking about. Edit: in fact it's being mentioned on this very forum just today:

Hello and welcome! I like books, music and cats too 👋

I'm both aro and very likely autistic (or really similar to that at least), so looks like I'm an example. I heard several times that a correlation actually is a thing here, to the point that I once saw in the Internet an autism test that included aro and ace-themed questions that contributed to the probability of the person being autistic. (I have no idea on how professional was that test, so not sure how much does it mean)

You aren't the problem, if she thinks she has the right to berate you regularly for as much as interacting with people, she isn't a good friend. And if she doesn't get jealous over anyone else, it just means she is unhealthy obsessed with you (and should have probably tried to form more connections to distribute her attention between and learn healthier habits).

Welcome! Feel free to feel comfortable here. 👋 Also, I love musical theatre too 🤝 (but maybe in kind of narrow parts, so cannot guarantee I'd be able to discuss all wider aspects of it)

Thank you for the replies! Well this I do know, but in addition to having characters I relate to and characters I find cute, there also are characters about whom I feel... this thing. I don't necessarily think they would go well together with me, I don't necessarily even think about it, but I do imagine all kinds of scenarios about them, not romantic per se, but just all kinds of stuff often including some brand of hurt/comfort if it's a tragic character, and just unrestrained fun if it's a fun character, and both if they're somehow both, but either way thinking about them causes a physically pleasant sensation, a stupid smile, and agitation, sometimes to the point I would avoid mentioning their name aloud because I'd have a weird emotional reaction that would give my "crush" away; and it's a thing when I'm very sensitive for potential mockery. I also sometimes imagine in these cases portraying this character, in text game/roleplay or even on stage (I'm not a stage performer, not even an amateur one, but I often fantasize about playing as characters I like, not only the "crush" ones but other types of liked characters too, I think these are probably their own category). Also the characters I "crush" on I do find visually pleasing even if not handsome/beautiful, I'd draw them (I draw much more characters then just them, but these I sometimes get fixated on drawing), and if the story doesn't have a set visual (being a book or opera) I'd fixate on designing and redesigning this character and be picky about it, and very picky on actors portraying them in adaptations/stagings, but also hunt all possible visualizations of them (live-acted or illustrations) I can find.

Also while I'm not an expert on how romance works myself, but your idea of it seems to be... exaggerated? Like, you say like romantic interests aren't allowed to have privacy, like they are bound to find each other more important than anyone else (this part is amatonormativity too). You say you felt a lack of independence and burned out, which isn't something supposed to be the norm in a healthy romantic relationship. If someone in a healthy relationship - romantic or not - starts feeling this way, they can talk about it freely to their partner, and receive support and understanding. They also aren't supposed to do literally all domestic work for the other person like you say you did, even in the most traditional families where the woman is expected to do most household chores there are some masculine chores as well. Very big part of having a family together is actually working together on your daily life and contributing together. So even if you're allo, you have full right to be uncomfortable with a relationship where you pressured yourself into a deindividualized and stressful position because you thought it's what love is supposed to be.

Could you explain a bit clearer what did you feel that made you uncomfortable in that relationship? From your description, it sounds kind of like you were ashamed or felt guilty because your feelings didn't fit the definition of romance, did I understand right? Did you feel something along the lines of "they deserve better"? If so, it can be being an aro who internalized amatonormarivity (you saying you felt like your feelings weren't "deep enough" if they weren't romantic sound like this, people are often pressured into this mentality in some societies, most prominently the Western one, if you belong to such a society it wouldn't be surprising if you internalized it). Or did you feel like you were being unfair to them because they liked you romantically and you didn't? Knowing that you and your partner have a very different view of your relationship can alienate people and cause communication issues. And a situation where one person is aro and the other allo in romantic love with them can easily become a situation of this kind.

I'd say it's as simple as "aromantic people don't fall in romantic love"? And additionally you could elaborate that some aros may be annoyed by romance in general and some may like it from side just not wanting it themselves, some may even want romance but still don't actually fall in love with anyone, etc. You could tell that some look for strong partnerships that aren't romantic, some don't. And if you want to explain arospec you could tell that there are people who are in between aromantic and alloromantic, and explain categories like demiromantic and lithromantic as a good example for the fuller picture. And if you want to tell about your experiences, you can try to describe them as an example - "for example I'm aro and feel this and this way". You also probably should tell about amatonormativity and why people are often prejudiced against aros/ what parts of society can make things bad for aros. Since you're doing an awareness project, this part can be important.

I'm not in school and I'm not sure what GSA is (not a native English speaker).

@forest_gremlin you really should not consider yourself guilty for being uncomfortable. If you are uncomfortable and they are supposed to be a friend, tell them. Your feelings matter, and any kind of healthy relationship isn't about keeping quiet about your pain because "it will make them upset". And your boundaries are absolutely not something you should be sacrificing. In fact, if that person is a friend it will only hurt them much more when they learn they have been violating your boundaries and physically and emotionally hurting you without knowing, and that you couldn't trust them enough to tell. And if telling them about your discomfort causes them to get angry or try to portray you as being at fault, then it's a red flag about them, not about you. And if they do something to encourage you feeling like you "aren't good enough for them, are at fault for not liking them enough because of being aroace" or something of this sort, it's especially a red flag.

Welcome!

I had an exam and some less expected stuff to do, so didn't do the planned drawing. Guess I'll do it later, especially since I want to draw a different thing right now.

What kind of things are supposed to be done as part of the event? Since I'm new to the community. I can reblog awareness and acceptance-themed things on Tumblr, but not sure what to contribute here on the forum? Since we are an aro forum, we already have awareness and acceptance, so I guess I'll just try to be sending emotional support?

Holding hands actually can have much more meanings than romantic. I hold my mother's and my sister's hands so that they'd know without loud words that I'm there, they can count on me and tell about their feelings or issues if they want to and I won't be disturbed and will try to help, at least emotionally if I can't help physically. Or that I myself am in need of emotional support right now and am trusting them. That probably does have something to do with child instincts you mentioned, allowing you or the other person to feel openly vulnerable like a child instead of bottling it, but also a promise to keep them safe, and communicate emotional support without words. I don't know how to describe better.