dordor

hiii well my last semester, which i was talking about in the post, ended about 2 month ago and believe it or not i did amazingly! i got a 18.33 out of 20 for the whole semester which is very good in my university(they realy like to torture us here). but god it was stressful! this semester i have started studying from the very first week with the hope less stress and even better results! but i am sure i am going to grow old from stress and anxiety untill i finish uni( which in my case is going to last from 9-12 years until doctorate)

I would never be able to understand how can they just start something to intimate with skmeone they barely know. They are wierd 😂

She was the only relationship i ever had, and it was what made me realize i was aro. That shitty experience made me find out that my feelings are diffrent from otger people. I do come to like people from time to time, and god i really did like her. She was sweet, quiet, smelled nice and always did nice things for me. But you see i came to understand even tho i liked her i didnt like her to have a romantic relationship. She told me that she liked me, and i answered "i like you too, you are my best friend" THAT SERIOUSLY SHLULD'VE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE. So from there we started some kind of relationship, we never went on dates bc damn i just couldnt do that. I kept giving her excuses like "i have to study" "you have to study" "my grandla has cancer" "my grandpa juat died" and other shits like this. Gld it was too much for me، i kept asking for breaks and she kept coming back. I really couldnt stand her anymore, the things she wanted from me were fucking too much. I started to get angry, i would shout at her, block her out, not answer her text, etc. God i mean she kept counting seconds whenever i asked for a break. Who would do that? That's creepy! Fuck romantic love and the shits that come out of it. So oneday she said she wanted to talk to me, we went some where quiet and she went straight to the point :"i love you" HOLY CRAP HOW CAN ALLOS FALL IN LOVE IN ONLY 4 MONTHS?? HOWWW i told her that i can't say ut back cause for me love doesnt come like that(srs how did i not know i was aro back then?) So she went her way. A couple days before valentine day she said she wanted to talk again, she probably wanted to get back togther but i yelled at her and told her we are DONE. and that was the story of the worst romance ever.

i overall just bad at communicating with people and making friends so i have been thinking about qprs. but the problem is that i have no idea how and where to start. even when i find someone interesting, as a friend or other kind of relationships, i don't know what to do. i don't even know how to start conversion let alone befriending them. ok let's assume they make some efforts to befriend me too and we get along a little, what should i do next? let iit get deeper? let the opportunity come? let them say something? if it's on me i will retreat back from the friendship on the first few weeks to avoid getting hurt! how can i not do that? this sounds so unhinged even to myself!🤷‍♀️😂 i can't even keep friends, simple people from afar is actually my things tho. all these people around me are all for greetings in the hallways... i want something more, to talk to someone, to know they will value my friendship as much as i do thiers, i do have something like this(we are still close but he's got his girlfriend and everything), but we live 800km away(screw university for taking this away from me). how do other people do this? like in the movies they are all like very happy with their friends, they pretty close, late night call, sleep overs, secret sharing, secret jokes, etc. it just makes me really sad. why can't i have something like that? i am just tired of sitting on the stairs in university and watch movies alone i want to do that with someone.

i have been away for a while from here so came back to check how things are going and i just felt this big wave of positive energy. the world outside is too fucking cruel to live in, so brutal, so unaccepting. i sometimes just want to disappear from it. i seriously dont know how to describe my thoughts right now. i want to shout out that i am aromantic, i want to tell everyone i read silly fanfictions, i want to be able to tell people that i prefer silly silly tumblr to those stupid social medias like instagram , tiktok and twitter without being judged. i want to go out wearing my dad's jumpers that are too big for me with a pair of old pants without the fear of being laughed at. i want to tell people that i still love lord of the rings and star wars at the age of 18 without being told "yeah i used too like those when i was 10 but not anymore" i like to be able to tell people "i have only 3 friends and i just can't consider someone i have known and barely talked to only for a couple of months" without getting laughed at... even those 3 friends would laugh about this joke... it's not my fault that i can't trust people with my friendship. maybe all of these hidings and repressed feelings have made me this quiet and introverted, i barely talk to anyone but my mom nowadays and it's funny how comfortable i am this way. wow when i started to write this post it was supposed to come out as something positive and happy wow

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I have taken 2 exams until now and they have been better than my expectations. At least in my head i have no idea how my scores are gonna be😂

Oreos

I am sorry you had to go through that❤ Happy to help ❤ Good for youu!

I totally understand. I kinda felt the same too towards my "ex".it is really weird isn't it? Al lot of people like u who has had experience with romantic relationships would describe thier relationships just like this It is really TRAUMATIC. Maybe if we weren't aromantic our past partners wouldn't have gotten so toxic... could it be the reason?? or maybe not. And yeah it is really nice to read how many other people have also gone through this, i really wasn't expecting such response whem posted this

it's nice figuring new things about yourself, isn't it?

i, myself, have had a very bad experience of it. aside from the fact that i couldn't give her what she wanted from me(dates, hand holding, romantic shits) she was kinda really possessive and controlling. it was reaally weird i knew i liked her very much but at the same time i knew i liked her in a very different way that she liked me. this happened about 6 month before my aro awakening, and believe me when i say i didn't spend a minute of those 6 month without thinking i was broken for not feeling what she felt. so how about you? any experience? before or after aro awakening? or if you are on the spectrum how has your experience with romance been like?

omg i am so sorry, i really cant understand what goes on in these stupid people's heads to fucking(sorry for my language) act like this. i have been in situations like this too, every aroace person has, it's on the package. and i keep hearing stories like this but i can never understand. i just cant. they look you in the eyes and tell you that you are not what you are! fuck them. they are just super stupid. god just ignore them, i know it is really hard to get thier voices out of your head! you are what you are.

Cheesy is the best i can get right now, thanks😂 That's really helpful thanks. It's my first term and university has chosen my classes for me so yeah it's going a bit too harsh on me.

The kite runner Loveless and all of pr. Tolkien's books and so many more, srs i can never decide what's my fav book I love fantasy, murder books, happy teenage stuffs(bc i can't experience any of those on my own) etc

I dont think so but thanks :))

Well this is the first week of exams for me in uni, and i have one on Wednesda(auto mechanic shit sth) and generally physics the day afterrr. Im not prepared for either of them and i have a deadline for my programming homeworks for tonight(im just physically incapable of doing them) and my paper for physics lab is due Wednesday too. God it's too much work and im just tired. Just so tired

Im istj:) but my s and n were very close Im aro and somewhere on ace spectrum

Asleep (During math class)

Omg that's really nice😻🙀 Hope it works out just fine. Just a question, how does it feel like?