Just a Bear

hello and welcome~

yes actually. I was hanging out with a friend ever day, and our friends who also hung out with us daily kept trying to get us to hook up. it never happeend,, because we weren't interested in each other like that. but it put a lot of pressureon my friend, and I guess i was experience the same pressure. needless to say, it shouldn't have een happening, our friends should have been more aware or more direct. them trying to subtly incentivise us over and over and it not working was kind of dumb imo.

I think people genuinely want to help each other, whether or not there is romantic feelings. there was someone I wanted to help, and I helped her, didn't have any romantic intent at all. and then my friend was helping a girl out, he had romantic feelings for her, but he was genuinely someone who wants to help people. I don't think his romantic feelings changed that.

someone greyromantic feels romantic attraction weakly, or rarely, or only under specific circumstances. you may be greyromantic.

I don't think I "like" cudding per se, but it is something that I can do for sure! and I like touch, so I do get something out of it, even thought cuddling definitely isn't desired by me, I still get something out of it. I think as long as you're comfortable cuddling, it can definitely be an okay thing! the thing is it is a kind of intimacy, and intimacy in relationships is imporant and normal. So, I believe as long as there is no objection to cuddling, cuddling can have importance if you feel some type of attraction or liking to the person you're doing it with, especially if they get someting out of it! but on the other hand, I''d definitely consider it normal (and valid) if someone just wasn't that into cuddling, and got nothing out of it. I like intimacy in general, so that's sprobably why I get somethinig out of cudling! especially if it's something my partner desires.

this isn't really advice, but I personally am either asensual or demisensual, not sure which, I can't remember if I just liked but didn't desire senual interaction or if my liking of it was actual desire for it. and, I don't think my sensuality is important to me. if I'm asensual, I am definitely sensual favorable. so it really isn't important. but on the other hand, there are people who identify as oriented aroace, where their tertiary attraction is important to them! so someone could be either way and it's totally vlid both ways. I'm not trying to take away from your question, I just want to show me as an example relevant to your question, is all. I wis I had more to offer!

being able to imagine yourself in a relationship is not romantic attraction. I can see myself in a relationship with anyone, I'm not romantically attracted to them. just because something is possible doesn't mean you desire it. it's possible to eat paper, but there's no way I'm going to do that.

ghost him. his forcefullness and insistence was very rude. you owe nothing to this guy, and you don't want him to have your number.

I don't know if this counts, but in my life I haven't really heard people talk about romance and sex. it just never happened. I don't know why. so, I didn't have anyone to compare my feelings too. it's possible it took me so long to realize I'm not into tese things because of that. I had to be in a relationshi with someone who desired me to see that I was experiencing something different. but, even then, I thought se just wasn't a good match for me. so really I had to find (a)sexuality and aven to discover who I was.

No, I'm more comfortable with someone in a relationship. no interest in me then!

I play a videogame, mostly. I'm tired of it though. If I had money, I'd buy movies to watch. Like the lion king. recently I started writing. I have two storieis on my mind I wish to get down on paper. writing is pretty fun. I used to be a maladaptive daydreamer. writing gives me the same rush a daydream used to give me. I'm probably a bad writer though. so it's just for me.

I left my life before, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I felt isolated, and when the person I was living with got mad at me and kicked me out I was homeless and had nowhere to go. I ended up severely depressed. I'm just glad my family wasn't hurt by me cutting off communication, and let me move in with them and restablish a relationship with them. I think family, even sucky family, is valuable, because they do care about you and want the best for you. Though, I can imagine some families are just not worth knowing. I'm generalizing here.

I'm also not sure if I'm aromantic or alloromantic. I definitely feel liking for people, but, I think that liking is alterous feelings. I think really you have to kind of "know" whether your feelings are romantic or not. I think romantic attraction is a complex and individual emotional attraction where you want to get to know someone and be close with someone and befriend them, but it has an extra element beyond that that develops into desire for a romantic tie to them, and/or romantic intimacy with them. Not everyone alloromantic all want the same thing, everyone has different desires and likes and comforts in a romantic relationship. So not liking some things is only a dead giveaway if you never like anything romantic, if you like some things (like holding hands) but not other things, that won't be enough to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings. ultimately platonic feelings that don't evolve into romantic feelings and desires would be a mark of being aro, platonic feelings are only a desire to befriend someone and there's nothing extra to the feelings than that. With romantic feelings you might feel the person is special, or desire intimacy with them not found in a friendship, among other things. something that makes your feelings for the person not just the desire for friendship, but for something more than friendship. I know a lot of aromantic people feel like "more than friendship" is cringe and devalues friendship, but as far as I can tell, that is what makes your feelings romantic, that there is something more or extra that isn't found in friendship. to a romantic person, a romantic relationship is exactly more than just friends.

hello and welcome!

IDK I want to be in a qpr, and I would like but don't "want" a romantic relationship. The incentive behind it is, the person is someone I get to spend a lot of time with, and I get to see them in the future. We're both commited to each other in that way. and having someone in my life who's important like that sounds nice to have. I like people, and want to spend time with them. A relationship enables that. tho, that's just me, it could be different for others.

motivation, huh? I'd say, they were excited so I was excited. I liked them. I don't know what that means though. with the first partner, we were physical and that's what I was reciprocating. I'm asensual but touch favorable. it got to a point where she said she wanted to have sex with me so bad but we shouldn't, and I said I felt the same even though I didn't. she was feeling strong positive emotions and I was feeding off of that. mirroring her thrill. with the second gf, I was happy that we were together. I wouldn't say I was happy we were dating though, I'd say I was happy to spend time with her, whatever that meant. I asked her out, but the thing is I expected to want to ask her out, so my motivation there was questionable. a friend told me about their friend, and I thought, "I bet I'll like her" and I did like her, both I liked her appearance (aesthetic attraction) and I liked her personality (???) . we spent a lot of time together, talking mostly. we saww each other probably on eight seperate days, but then she broke up with me. I don't know why she broke up with me but suspect it was because I wasn't making her feel sexually desired. So, there, what I was reciprocating was feelings of enjoying someone's company. I don't know if I'm romantic or alterous. I definitely feel liking for people, but I don't know which feeling it is, whether it's alterous or whether it's romantic. in all three of my relationships I copied what they were doing. I followed their lead. I didn't actually pursue anything other than mirroring them. but that's what I was reciprocating. I was mirroring their passion. now I don't know if that passion came from romance and wanting to date them, or from alterous and wanting to spend time with thme because of that. Or maybe I was only passionate because they were? no, I think the passion I felt was genuine. I definitely liked that I was spending time with someone I felt attracted to. I never did consiously think, "I want to date this person" except that one time when I said "I bet I'll want to date her". There were two other people who I liked, who I thought, "I don't feel romantically for her, but if she wanted to date I'd be down to date" neither asked me out. I was okay with that! those two times were definitely alterous feelings. it's jsut the two girlfriends that I can't tell, whether it was romantic or alterous. I'm leaning alterous, but I'm just not sure. I feel like I never initiated intimacy, intimacy evolved naturally by their lead. and we talked. So that's all I have to say wether it was romanit or alterous. any advice?

A mental misstep for sure. I was thinking, “I really liked them” and typed, “they’re special”. I never thought “they’re special”, I liked them alot and thought my feelings matched theirs. idk if that changes anything Hm that’s interesting. I don’t think I felt any desire. I just liked them more than I liked other people.

for two of my gf's, I felt like I reciprocated their feelings, I liked all my gf's but these two I felt like they were special people. What are your thoughts on that? is reciprocating feelings romantic attraction, or is it a mental game I've played on myself? Edit: no I didn’t think they were special, I don’t know why I typed that. I just thought my feelings matched their, I felt excited to be with them and felt like I liked them a lot.

if it were me, I would ask myself the following questions: if they confessed their feelings for you, how would you feel? do you like them? do you like them romantically? Do you want to reciprocate their feelings? would you go on a date with them if they asked? would you be their datefriend if they asked? There were a number of people I would have totally dated if they asked, though only two people asked. I don't know if I felt romantic attraction for them though, I think the attraction I experience is alterous attraction and platonic attraction. If you decide that you would date with them if they asked, then you know that if they ask you would say yes! that makes it easier to explain being aroflux. You don't even have to explain it right away, let the relationship form naturally for ... however long makes sense. second date, or second day of interacting with them, sounds like an appropriate time to wait, or third or fourth date/day. depending on what dating them looks like. and tell them that you're aroflux. explain to them that you can feel romantic attraction, but don't always feel it, sometimes your feelings for someone lack the romantic element. Explain that you do want a relationship with them, and that you do like them a lot, but that sometimes you're aromantic and they might notice a change in your behavior during those times. Unless I misunderstand? I hope my advice makes sense and is helpful.

Being aromantic is pretty normal (albeit uncommon) and is totally valid. If you are aromantic, there are others like you! I define romantic attraction as a compex and individual emotional attraction where one desires to be close with someone, and it leads to a desire for a romantic relationship with them. So if you've never desired a relationsip with anyone, that could mean you're aromantic. Romantic attraction isn't always desire for a relationship, but it leads to a desire for a relationship. You may have felt squishes for those boys you talked about, unless you feel it was actual romantic feelings. If it was romantic feelings, you could be lithromantic. But if you feel like you liked them as a friend, and not as a romantic interest, then it's possible that what you experienced was a squish, a nonsexual and nonromantic infatuation with someone, where you desire a platonic relationship with them, most often a friendship, or a closer platonic bond with them. A squish is the equivalent of a nonromantic crush, and the feelings of attraction are called platonic attraction, so if you think you haven't felt romantic attraction, platonic attraction could be what you felt. platonic attraction is nonromantic nonsexual feelings of attraction for someone, where you desire to get to know the person, or feel closer with the person, or establish a platonic relationship with the person.

1. I define gender as, a person's internal sense of being male, female, some combination of both, or neither. 2. Does it matter to me? not any more. it used to, when I identified as female, but now that I've "changed my mind" for lack of better words, and identify as nonbinary, gender isn't important to me anymore. 3. I knew I was female because I felt desire to be like other females, I had female role models, and I wanted to be female. I also wished I had been born female. Now on the other hand, I know I'm non binary because I don't want to be either gender. Being female depressed me, and being male just isn't who I am. I also consider myself demiguy, someone who is partially male. I feel that way because my body looks male, and my gender wants to match my body. I don't otherwise feel attached to maleness. 4. I used to think I was genderfluid, because in my life I identified as male, then as agender, then as female, and then again as male, and then as nonbinary. But I relized that the change was due to my understanding of myself and my gender, it wasn't a change that came naturally. I wish I were female, and that desire makes me trans, but I identify as nonbinary. in the process of understanding who I was, different feelings of gender manifested. those feelings of gender, changing, came from how I understood myself, where the understanding caused identity feelings. So I don't know much about what makes someone genderfluid, but I know what I feel it isn't for me; it isn't one's understanding of one's gender changing or updating.

welcome!

the only thing I know that helps is that a squish leads to a desire for friendship and a crush leads to a desire for romance or a romantic relationship.

cool! I definitely look forward to such an app.

An asexual doesn't feel the intrinsic desire to have partnered sexual activity, or attraction based on that desire. They never feel the desire for sex. It isn't somethin they feel. A sexual person feels desire for sex, they want it, they fantasize about it, sexual connection is something they want and expect from their partner. If you never initiate, can go months without it, that sounds like asexuality. But some sexual people do have a low libido. You have to ask yourself, "do I feel desire for sex", and the answer to that will tell you if you're asexual or not. Do you want to connect sexually with your partner? or is that something you lack the desire for?