YXSHINN

Apparently love is 90% about sex, yikes. You're not in wrong for thinking that. Guess we aromantics are robots after all...

I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen any topics nor forums about this on Arocalpyse either (posted this on AVEN too), so I decided to open one here as well and ask some questions aside from that, so it'd be great if some of you guys could help me out. I also think it might be of more use if I asked fellow aromantics, so here goes nothing. I've circled back into my questioning fase and I've been wondering about what relationship/friendship I'd want and if really I'm aromantic. One reason is that I fantasize a lot, like every day. The fantasies seem nice, but on the other hand, "I don't even know how to friendship, maybe it's a stretch." And I still haven't had a crush, but that isn't really all that surprising. I'm also questioning my "sapphism" since I'm like, "girls are great," but then I realize that I literally don't like anyone, not even platonically. So then I'm like, "maybe I have some kind of problematic attachment style and/or trust issues, maybe it's my anxiety?" Or I'm just tricking myself into amatonormativity, once again. Earlier this week I went online, trying to figure out what I really want out of a friendship/relationship and then I came across this term. Romantic friendship (n.) The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that which is common in the contemporary Western societies, and may include for example holding hands, hugging, kissing, and sharing a bed. The term was coined in the later 20th century in order to retrospectively describe a type of relationship which until the mid 19th century had been considered unremarkable but since the second half of the 19th century had become more rare as physical intimacy between non-sexual partners came to be regarded with anxiety. Sounds like what I want (maybe minus the kissing), however the only issue I have with this is literally the term itself. Is that just me? Like, "romantic friendship," huh? In that sense, I could see why people would prefer QPR over romantic friendships, because I'd do that too. I'd just call it a intimate/close friendship. It is something more, but nothing less. So my questions are: 1. What do you think of this term? Do you think it conforms to amatonormativity? 2. What do you consider as platonic gestures? Or do you think the intention behind it matters the most? (Please list a ton, if you like.) 3. And lastly, what do you think of my thoughts on myself? Do you think it's possible to identify as sapphic and aroace at the same time? (Not romantically, just when talking about alterous attraction...) Please be as honest as possible, I'm trying to gain some good knowledge and maybe get a discussion going? Thanks in advance~!

I seem to match different identities on the aro-spectrum, cupioromantic seems to fit me too. But thank you very much!

It has been more in my head, I fantasize a lot about it. When my friends talk about it, I'm kind of indifferent and I wish most of the time that I could tell them that it makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about romance or boys etc. Yes, I will. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it very much.

A short description of me to help; -I'm female. -I'm 16. -I'm asexual for SURE. -I've never experienced romantic attraction YET. -The only thing I've experienced was alterous attraction, so I only wanted to be closer with someone emotionally, not romantically. That was when I was 11. -I always feel disconnected from romance when I think about, but I really want to experience it. -I don't mind being with a girl or a boy romantically. -I don't experience sexual attraction, but I'm sex-indifferent, not repulsed. -I would have sex with my partner if they wanted to. -I want to get married, but can't see myself getting married when imagining it.  At this moment I'm on another journey figuring out my romantic orientation, now dangling somewhere between gray-biromanticism and aromanticism. I've never fallen in love before and I can only imagine. I don't know what it feels like, I only know that it makes people extremely happy and causesthem to have butterflies in the stomach and all that. It's quite odd since I first identified as heteroromantic, but then I started to have fantasies about being in relationships with girls (both sexually and romantically). The sexual part kind of made me uncomfortable, but I didn't necessarily dislike it from a romantic perspective. I also think I'm gray-biromantic because my attraction to boys and girls seem to be equally as weak/near to nonexistent. But the thing is, I've never had a crush before (not on guys nor girls) so I wouldn't know. I've never looked at someone and thought, "Yeah, I could date them." This whole crushing and falling in love thingy seems absolutely wonderful. When I asked people to describe romantic attraction, they described it as the most heavenly, unearthly thing ever and it honestly seems so nice, but I just can't relate at all. I want to, but I don't. I don't feel a damn thing. The only thing I've experienced was alterous attraction, that was when I was 11. I confessed to a boy that I "liked" him, however my 11 year old self said, "I like you, but I don't want to be your girlfriend, I don't want to have anything with you. I just like you as a person." Looking back at that, maybe that was an early sign showing I'm aromantic? But now, I'm hanging between this odd space of gray(romantic)-biromanticism and aromanticism and I just don't know anymore. I've also thought about being a bi-oriented aroace, but I kind of keep that aside.  Any advice?