FragileDear

Yes. Also... You might be aro if when you expressed feelings of loneliness and wanting more friends, were thoroughly confused when dating was presented as an option.

You might be aro if you once googled what the purpose of dating was

As another aroace welcome!

Welcome! I hope you enjoy being here

Hi there, It can be quite difficult to accept your aromantic. I know I certainly struggled to accept it. For me part of it was because I bought into the belief you needed to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and feel fulfilled in life (an example of amatonormativity - "the belief that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship"). I have come to realize that is not true. It's more about the connection, the quality and depth of the relationships in your life, not the type of relationships in your life. I also struggled with wrapping my head around the idea you can be aromantic and still want a romantic relationship. I think its great that you have found the community here. One thing that I found really helped me was connecting with/reading other aromantic people's experiences. The more I read that I relate to, the more I realize that I'm not alone in my experiences. That really helped me start to accept myself as aromantic. It is a process. Be kind and patient with yourself.

I would also be interested to read more about reactions to coming out. So far only my therapist knows. I'm considering making some sort of video compilation to explain things for when I come out to my immediate family - that way I can either send it to them or hit play and walk away.

I would like to add: The Benefits of Being Alone by Rose Cousins

I just wanted to say I'm enjoying seeing what other people have to say. I'm at a point where I'm really trying to think about what I want my future to look like, especially as someone who has only fairly recently accepted that I'm aromantic. A number of years ago I came across the spoken word performance by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye - "An Origin Story" that I absolutely love. I have always thought that's a friendship goal of mine to have some kind of close relationship like that (I'm not exactly sure if I believe in stuff like soulmates even platonic ones). As I don't really have many friends I'm not exactly sure if that would look more like a best friend, QPR or something else. The only thing I am certain about is that I see myself with a dog.

Let me say as someone who did talk to someone about it, it was actually thorough my therapist that I discovered the existence of asexuality and aromanticism. I'm really grateful for my therapist who knows the basics about asexuality and aromanticism and listens to the podcast Sounds Fake but Okay. It does suck sometimes the invisibility of the orientation.

Dogs are really important to me. We got our first family dog when I was 5 because I insisted. We are now on our third and last family dog and I love him to bits.

I have always kinda struggled to make and maintain friends. Before the pandemic I had resigned myself to trying to make more friends. I was already feeling a bit lonely having realized a lot of my friends had drifted apart since I graduated college a few years ago. Coming to the realization I am aroace during the pandemic has been a bit of a complicating factor. It feels like I have these new lenses to see the world through and try to create the kinds of relationships I do want, but I can't really test them out. I relate to a lot of the comments here.

I ended up going to prom all by myself because I wanted to get all dressed up and have the experience. I met up with friends at the event and during the more upbeat songs it was really great dancing and spending time with them. It did get a bit awkward when they paired off during the slow songs. I tried not to think about it too much, I was still in the phase of thinking I just hadn't met the right person to have a romantic relationship, but it will happen someday. This was obviously long before I knew about the existence of aromanticism.

I remember at one point in high school thinking 'How do people just 'find' each other and know they would want a romantic relationship with that person. What is this so called 'magic' people describe?'

Hello, I discovered asexuality and aromanticism in the fall and have been lurking around on here and aven since then. Posting here somehow seems less intimidating. I was able to identify pretty quickly that I am asexual. Shortly after this discovery, I shared it with my therapist, who knew about asexuality and was happy for me. Since then I have been trying to sort out where I fell on the romantic spectrum. I have always hung onto the idea that I would like a romantic relationship someday. I have always imagined what it might be like to kiss someone. I just love watching romantic movies, watching TV shows with a romantic plot and listening to romantic songs. I'm in my late twenties and have never been in a romantic relationship or been that interested in dating. Until recently I think I have always assumed it was because of my emotional trauma or because I was shy/socially anxious and have always had a hard time making and maintaining friends. I've always felt like I needed to have more friends to have a solid sense of what that felt like, in order to better recognize something as being different from friendship. Fast forward a couple of months and I was sharing about the one and only time I had something that could have developed into something more. I was trying to make sense of it and the complex confusing feelings I couldn't name. I think more than anything I was trying to convince myself maybe there was some other explanation. I did not like the idea that I could be aromantic, it made me feel somehow broken. However, the session ends with them saying, this is a great topic to transition into aromanticism. So I feel like this is a pretty big sign that I am on the aromantic spectrum. Since then I have slowly been more accepting of it and thought it was time to connect with some other like-minded folks.