Acecream

hey just a few questions :) first of all, is the discord server still alive and open to new members?

When yes, when are you currently online and in which time zone do you live (i live in CET)? I also would love to know if the discord is very aro specific or what you are talking/chatting about mainly :)

2022

@Aimee03 the girl who said it is a good friend of mine. And the fun side is she probably only said it bc I am very caring around her and our friendship bc she and the friendship are so important to me and she has some problems and I want to keep our friendship on and to have a nice time and just to be there for her whenever she needs me...

and I think I wouldn’t put even half of the effort in our friendship when I wasn’t aromantic xD

So just me being aromantic leads to her assumption that I would be a “caring girlfriend” (I don’t even think I would be lol bc having someone around me most of the time makes me very mad)

On 2/23/2021 at 2:42 AM, A User said:

Allos (romantics): What do you consider romantic attraction?
Any telltale signs??

Yeah I just wanted to ask the allos: how do you KNOW you fell in love, how do you realise it?
i think that’s kind of the same question

I do feel sensual attraction and sometimes I’m questioning whether it’s contradicting my aroace identity or not.

i kind of like kissing (but not too “intensive”) (and sometimes I just think “oh now I would like to kiss this person” without any reason although I didn’t do kissing very often and I don’t think I’ll do it very often in future) and cuddling. I quarrel with the “kissing part” bc I feel like for lots of people kissing is either romantic or sexual. But for me it’s none of both, it’s just something I like to do without any sexual or romantic ulterior motive (kissing is my “border” between sensual and sexual. I guess I may call me a pansensual aroace? But I prefer not to name the sensual stuff bc it is too confusing)

so everytime I want to kiss someone I ask myself if I am still ace, but for me it’s far apart from sexual attraction...

(I hate questioning and I know that I am ace and I know that sensual attraction or kissing doesn’t change anything but my brain does not understand it?)

On 5/21/2020 at 1:35 PM, _Max_ said:

Are there spaces specifically by/for German aros, does anyone know? Online or offline. For offline I'm specifically looking for anything in NRW.

I know this is an old thread, but I’m in nrw, currently living in Münster. Where do you live?

I would love to join some meetings after the pandemic(whenever this will be^^) and connect to any offline-community

Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of contact to aro(/)aces offline, so I can’t tell exactly, but I feel like it would be aro spaces.

bc in the few times I came out as aroace I ever started to explain that asexuality does NOT mean not to fall in love or not to have a romantic relationship and only after that I started explaining that I am aromantic too and that the things I said before are actually not my reality, the whole process of explaining asexuality is explaining things that aren’t exactly my own life experience^^

and that kinda sucks

but on the other hands both parts are important for (and to understand) my identity 

2020

bad time starts

Cream

Hello Bambi! I’m glad you found your way to us :)

I’m new on this forum too so I can’t tell you a lot about it. But I’m sure you’ll have some nice and helpful conversations and meet some people who share the same experiences.

2 hours ago, Jedi said:

 

Is 'single' the formal term for being unpartnered in english speaking countries? Like, if you're filling in a form for an apartment and they want to know how many people live there, for example. In swedish there is 'ensamstående' which would be something like 'standing alone' if translated literally (which makes it sound cooler than it does in swedish x) It has a bit of the same implication), and that's used as the formal formal word for single.

In german we have the formal term “ledig” for people who are not and were never married. It doesn’t say anything more about your relationship status. Actually “ledig” does mean also “free of responsibility” which would be a nice meaning to describe your single-being^^ but it isn’t used outside of formalities and sounds a bit old-fashioned, so I guess people would make fun of when anyone would start to describe themself as “ledig”^^

we also have the word „alleinstehend“ which should mean the same as the swedish „ensamstående“ (the german word  „einsam“ means „lonely“ so „ensamstående“ sounds quite similar)

16 hours ago, Erederyn said:

 

I hadn't thought of having an aromantic word to replace "single". I think that would be hard, though, because I think it would still be a relationship status for a particular kind of relationship even if it's not romantic. So I would still feel strange because then I'd only change that status for a partnership even though I have many important relationships in my life... 

That’s a good point. But maybe it has to as this is actually the thing alloromantics are asking about? So maybe it could be a word that does not only imply that you aren’t in a romantic relationship but that values other relationship as well in a way your “single-being” can’t be read as a “lack of”…  I don’t know, it’s not that easy unfortunately ?

Quote

Saying "I'm not in a romantic relationship, but I'm not single because I fall out of the romantic relationship status" is a mouthful hahah

Haha I love this I’ll say it next time lol

14 hours ago, Rainy Robin said:

I heard some use the phrase "self-partnered" but I don't like that too much either because it places the emphasis on relationships/partnerships rather than the individual. Usually I just say I'm "on my own" which isn't much better, so I'm also curious if anyone has better words to describe this! Maybe we could invent a word?

 

I would love to hear suggestions :D

I’ll think about it by myself, maybe I’ll have a good idea.. (but I would not be too positive about my creativity^^) As the word squish exists it should be possible to find another word for this

Well, I am “single” and I ever was and I’ll ever be (except in case I’ll have a qpr one day)

but I don’t like to answer my “relationship-status” with “single” because it doesn’t feel true. I ever understood the term “single” as a transition phase, as a status everyone wants to change. For me it’s a negative phrase and I don’t feel comfortable using it

because I might be “alone” but I’m not a single. I don’t fit in the relationship-categories at all (and that’s what “single” is: a word to describe the status of your romantic relationship)

i would love to have another aromantic word I could use instead. Do you call yourself “single”? How do you like the word?

“I know that you have so much love to give”

”you would be just a caring girlfriend”

I’m offended by your lack of trust

Hey you all! Thank you for the warm welcome.

well, icecream and cake... I think I have the best combination then;) the ? is already my favourite heart as green is my favourite colour^^ so there is a reason more to use it (honestly I was very happy after I discovered that the aro flag is green haha)

i am curious about what awaits me in this forum. 

It was before I knew aromantic:

During math classes a girl from my school (we were 15 or 16 yo) spoke out loudly: “I want to have a boyfriend”

we were all laughing so I thought, the others found it a funny desire too. At home I told my mother the story (I almost never told her anything from school), but she didn’t understand why I found it funny

Years later it dawned on me that the others might not have laughed, bc she WANTED a BOYFRIEND, but only bc she spoke out loud during maths

On 2/17/2021 at 8:06 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I figured out I am aro ace around 7 months ago. I’ll get random memories of something that will make so much sense now that I know I’m aro. I feel like I understand my past self so much better. 

This. I even realised I had a squish

In german it’s 

aromantisch for aromantic, the german noun is Aromantik

asexuell for asexual, Asexualität for asexuality 

I’m not sure if there is a german phrase for qpr (I think you’d just say qpr), but you could translate it into “queerplatonische Beziehung”

Hello :)

I’m an 21 old aroace female. I sign up to the english Aven maybe a week ago and I decided that it’s time for me to sign up here too, bc I feel like my aromantic identity affects by a lot who I am and even affects my asexuality (it wouldn’t be the same without being aromantic)

i even feel like it’s harder for allos to understand aromantic than asexuality (it was harder for me too)

So I’d wish to connect somehow into the aromantic community too share some aspects of my own aromantic life and to learn from others and about the community and just to have a place where I can be who I am and meet others who are like me :)

do we have the same “cake-culture” as Aces or are there some other symbols we use?