Acecream

On 10/19/2022 at 12:47 PM, nonmerci said:

I just love how it assumes the other person is allo lol. Also why is the aro always at fault ? Why can't it be unfair for the aro as well ?

And anyway mixed relationship can work, if people involved explain their need and communicate properly.

Also I was thinking about a friend who liked me and talked a lot with me about how (exclusive)relationships could work for aros and was sad/disappointed when I made clear that I’m wasn’t open to any kind of relationship in that moment. for her it would have been better to have a relationship with an aro than being refused by the aro

that you can't be aro if you want a relationship. and that all Aros are happy without a relationship

cn aromisia

a friend of mine once said to me while I was telling him that some Aros do search for exclusive* relationships: "okay, but why should anyone be willing to be in a relationship with an aromatic person? that's too unfair for the alloromantic person"

(it's not. those of you who want to be in a relationship: you have ENOUGH to give) 

*I use this term to let open if it's an romantic or (queer)platonic or alterous one or something else

On 10/6/2022 at 10:56 PM, A User said:

I based it off my birth name, bc i still have attachments to it

yah that's not that easy with my name as there is no good sounding masculine or neutral variation haha and my name doesn't have that much different letters so you can't really create new names out of it

I'm tending towards meo right now. talked to a friend who knows me since many years about their opinion which one fits me most haha. well, we'll see

thank you all

5 friends of mine were talking about their first crushes and they all had them when they were in kindergarden or in elementary school (so between 3 and 10) and one of them when he was 12

I wish I would just have been perplexed but the way they talked about it made me feel as if I missed out necessary childhood experiences lol

not me asking a friend why people would decide to go out or to be in a romantic relationship when they could be best friends

Allos make me unwilling/uncomfortable to come out as aro or especially ace bc the have weird assumptions of what my orientation(s) mean. not directly after my coming out to them but in little comments they make afterwards in different situations

anyway

cn arophobia

my first (active) coming out as aro was kinda bad. I told one of my best friends and they were like: "nah I don't believe you bc you have just a loving and caring personality! therefore you can't be aromantic"

(they learned a lot since I came out to them but I felt really bad afterwards. it's literally the "Aros are not human/aros are heartless"-trope, just in a "nicer" way)

I say it's my first active coming out bc I kinda came out earlier to the same person, but I was totally drunk and just crying that I think that I would never be able to love and I don't think they took me seriously that time

I had a very nice coming out talk (as aroace) with a flatmate, we just talked more than a hour so I was able to make thinks clear and it was really cool!

My sister was very curious (in a positive way) about my aspec identities but cried a lot when I came out to her as enby

Best "reaction" to an outing as aro was a friend who didn't really comment it at all, but she made it really clear that she understood and supports me through many little actions/comments/presents since then <3 <3 <3

I'm out as trans enby to all the people I interact with in my daily life and to my closer family but I'm only out as aro and ace(spec?) to my closest family and a few friends. My sensual attraction (something on the m-spec, I don't really know how to label it. it's kinda every gender but more likely towards girls or nonbinary and/or agender people) is something I spoke only to like 3 or 4 people. that's mainly bc I'm afraid people would either not understand what for me the difference between sensual attraction and being physically close to friends/people is (bc for me it's a HUGE difference) or that people would use my sensual attraction to question my asexuality

someone: "does your arm also gets numb when someone is laying on it all night?"

me: "actually no, this never happened to me"

friend, who knows I'm aroace gives me a weird look like this can't happen to you, you are aro

well seems like allo people never hug their friends/other people than their partners at night

Heyyy I read somewhere that it's planned to make another aro census for 2022... does someone know when it will come?

First of all: this thread doesn't have to be about me personally, I'd like to have it as an open space for people who want to try out names, but–

HOW DO YOU ALL FIND YOUR NAMES?????? It seems to be a pretty impossible thing.

yeah, so... I'm an trans non-binary person trying to find out it's name. Actually I'd say I'm quite out of the closet for a while now... I mean: People I interact with do know my right pronouns and I'm currently doing hormone therapy^^

But somehow I still didn't really change my birth name (no trans* person has to do so of course!!!) and it starts to feel kinda weird (in the beginning I was like, cool, you don't have a deadname, that's actually amazing). Also because in my head I don't refer to myself with this name anymore so it doesn't seem to fit (I still want to keep it as 2nd name I guess)

I spent a few months elsewhere and people there do know me with another name that my (not yet) deadname. So I already practiced and it felt... good? normal? but even if I like the name and I like when people use it I don't FEEL that it's MY name. So, yeah, how did you all find your names? Cause I need one. And I want to be sure.

Also I want to have this fancy trans* identity card that exists in my country as long as I can't legally change my registered sex and I need to decide which name I want to put on haha

Of course I have people I could ask to use different names for me – but I don't want to tell people another name when I might change it in a few weeks again. I have the urge to be sure myself, so I don't want to tell it everyone (I'm sure close friends wouldn't mind to try different names). But I don't want to use I name for just a few people – elsewhere different groups of people (who all knew I'm an enby) knew me under different names and it stressed me a lot whenever there was the possibility that those groups might interact in a certain way.

So, does anyone here have tips how I can find out BY MY OWN which names fit? Lol

How did you know? Did you change it more often? Did it feels "special" or did it just feel "normal"?

Also, if you want to feel free to try those names to refer to me/talk about me, I'd love it :):)you could try out neo/meo (both variants!), mati and mio (but I already experienced this name in use so that's less urgent)

20 hours ago, DeltaV said:

I believe that there are workable strategies. But they are very unethical and emotionally manipulative.

Insult people about their looks or some other area where they "fail" in life (e. g. career / education). Put the finger in the wound. Then immediately, dramatically apologize for this "gaffe" and tell them that they're so sweet and have a heart of gold.

If you do this, I believe there is no chance for romantic feelings to develop while you might still retain them as a "friend".

well, I first wanted to answer "be an asshole" too
unfortunately there are also people who are attracted to assholes. and there are people who start relationships while knowing that the other person is toxic.

so yeah. I don't think this works.

oh, what just came in my mind; i've seen a lot of alloaces saying they'd wish they were aroace instead of alloace.

i f**king hate this. they have no clue what it means to be aromantic and they just think it's an easy way to go lol

being aromantic feels so f***ing queer and as I love my queerness (bad days apart haha) I love how my aroness is a huge part of it

I saw an aroring in a documentary for like 2 seconds and I‘m not even sure that it was an aroring but hell it almost made me cry (in a positive way)

representation is so so so important

need more aro culture out there :D

i was so much afraid of „having to start to date“. I didn’t want to get older as I thought this meant I would have to. But I was getting older and older and felt like the time was coming to start, and than I was ashamed of the thought to date in my hometown, bc hell, there were people who knew me and they would see I’m trying to date… so I decided to wait until I leave the town. In a new town nobody would know me so it would be a good possibility to start. Well, but I didn‘t want to start and also, why should I directly start… and then I knew some people so it would be the same as before and people would recognise me and would start to talk to me about my dating life or about dating in general…

hell was I relieved when I discovered that I don‘t have to date and that that‘s totally fine haha

That I always thought, when someone had a crush on me that I should automatically have a crush on them too

bc you‘ll all know, that’s how love works. You immediately have to like people back bc otherwise you‘ll break their hearts and I wanted to be a nice person

More sure in my romantic orientation. Like, absolutely sure.

sexual orientation confuses me. Like, I’m clearly on the ace spectrum but sometimes I’m not sure about where at the spectrum. Also, i have a very strong sensual attraction and even if I’d say, I’m quite good in taking it apart from the sexual one, it confuses me in relationship woth my sexuality 

Hello Mike

welcome to this forum! Glad that you found your way to us

and still happy birthday!

Well, if you are cis and allo hetero, people never say, you are „too young“. They start to put their own cis allo heteronormative expectations on toddlers already

people who grow up queer are almost always told they are „too young“.

and, yeah, it may seem that aromanticism is a Orientation you can‘t figure out at a young age bc „you haven‘t met the right one“ in this age and „nobody is interested in romance in that age“. But that’s amatonormative bullshit.

people can know very young that they are gay, or hetero, or trans. So people clearly CAN know very young that they are aro. (But you have to remember that most kids with no interest in romance may still be alloromantic)

i mean, I knew at a very young age (looking back). I just didn‘t have the words. And I (wanted to) believe(d) when adults told me that „the one will come“.

I’m an aromantic adult now. And I was a aromantic kid. So, yeah, there ARE kids who are aro. And some of them know. The „only“ problem is, that nobody would listen to them nor take them serious

8 hours ago, Neon said:

e: so my quote didn’t work I wanted to quote this:

“And while the aroallo community also emphasizes that they are not asexual, the rhetoric is totally different. It focuses more on how aroallo people aren't talked about enough, and how not all aros are ace. Aroace's existence isn't treated as inconvenient or ignored like we often are in ace spaces.”
 

That’s so much true!!!
 

That’s why I feel so much more comfortable in the aro communities and also with saying “I ’m aro” instead of “I’m ace” and much more connected to alloaros than to alloaces

anyway, alloaros are so cool!

When I say „outside the binary“ I mean anyone who is not a man or a woman; non-binary persons as well as those Inter* persons, who are not man or woman as well as agender people or other genderless persons or like in generell everyone who is not inside the gender binary but doesn‘t use the term non-binary

by attraction I mean any kind of attraction you would consider worth to „label“ or to think about. Doesn‘t matter if it’s romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual etc

bc I know that there are eg non-binary persons who say, all attraction is gay, and some who say, their attraction is all hetero. So I’m just curious about you

I am aroace, but I sometimes have a strong sensual attraction (which means that I also want to get somehow intimate with some people (more like kissing, hugging..,), just in a way that isn’t sexual for me) that for me is worth labelling it, bc saying “asexual aromantic” for me personally doesn’t feel like the whole truth (the ace part doesn’t). So I’d say I’m aromantic and oriented ace, but since I’m an Enby I found it hard to come to terms with this oriented parts. Should be easy, bc I feel attractions to all (or at least more than one or two (non)genders…), even if I realise that I have a preference, but bi and pan or any other m spec label doesn’t feel good for me, they somehow feel very wrong even if I think I could use them

And than I have the thing that being attracted towards women feels like same sex attraction but at the same time this is something that mistender me so I can’t think about it like this (but it still is queer attraction tho) and sometimes I feel very hetero when I’m attracted to girls lol and in cases I am attracted to men it sometimes feels very gay and sometimes it doesn’t at all. And in cases my attractions leads towards non-binary people or someone outside the gender binary I don’t really know

so I for myself just came to the term “queer oriented” bc all this attraction is kinda queer but not in a way I could label it

I am curious about you, if you wanna share

I don‘t want kids. It‘s not that I don‘t like them (I find kids very cute and very funny), but I don‘t really know how to act close to them and I hate being alone with kids bc it makes me REALLY uncomfortable. So I could never be a single-parenting person and as I don‘t want to get in a relationship shared–parenting is not an option (and I also do not want it bc it seems even more complicated to figure out the way you both are fine with to raise your child)

Having kids is just not in my living plan of being aroace

actually, it was the main reason I came out to my mum; to stop her talking about my future with kids. 
 

Cn hrt pregnancy

since I know that I am nonbinary and that I want to do HRT, the topic is coming up again. My mum is starting to talk about „you will use your ability to get kids why are do you want to go on HRT“

and I’m like, mum, I‘m f***ing aro, having kids is NOT in my future. And my parents are like „yah, but you don‘t always PLAN to get kids it just happens“ and then I‘m reminding them about my aceness and that even if it‘s not impossible for me to get pregnant it‘s unlikely that it ‚just happens‘ and then they continue to tell me that I still could have kids in alternative forms of living OK BUT WHY THE HELL TO YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD BE THE PERSON WHO GETS PREGNANT THEN?????? 

in the end I said something like „some trans* persons who are on hrt can still get own kids and I could also do a egg retrieval and stuff (no I don‘t think I’m going to do this) and then the discourse stops…

but it sucks that my parents still have this picture of me with kids in their head

and also that they still seem to have a very amatonormative picture of my future (living together with anothers in a way you can somehow read as loveless partnership)

On 5/26/2022 at 6:14 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

From what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong), being a loveless aro has more to do with rejecting the concept of "love" in any form than it does with partnerships

What do you mean with rejecting? Not experiencing it?
 

I don‘t fall in love. I sure „love“ my friends, but I refuse calling it love. I‘d NEVER say „I‘m aro ‚but‘ I love my friends“… When i talk about aromanticism, I say that in my case it means that I don‘t fall in love or I say that I don’t experience love. When people talk about love in general I use to say, this doesn‘t affect me/let’s me out bc I am aro. People use to tell me „yeah but you do/can love your friends“…. I hate this bc I feel like they just distract from my arones

So I use to refuse their objections and I don‘t like it when people argue about „love is love“ with „platonic love exists too“ (not only bc I know aplatonic persons exist but also bc it feels like people refuse to reflect about being aromisic) when aros say it lets us out. Bc it clearly does

so I kinda „reject“ the concept even if I experience it… does this make me loveless/allows this to use the term or is it for aplatonic people?

Eye

True. Kind of. I‘m currently living in another house for a few months, but I’ll return in the partly blue room

tpbm writes fanfictions

I had the same task when I was in school (+ heteronormative bullshit that girls had to write about boys and boys about girls (sorry for the binarism)), I think it was the year before my high school graduation lol

i remember me sitting next to my aro friend (we both didn’t knew the other one was aro and I didn’t use the label for myself yet) and we both had like NO idea what to write haha

i remember how everyone wrote down a lot of physical aspects and I was just soooo confused. I think I wrote „nice“ or something.

my flatmate is becoming a teacher. He told me he did this task in class, bc he wanted to talk about an answer a kid gave. But I was more shocked about the fact he did this tasks. I think it‘s terrible for every queer kid (that is not out), not only aros

I‘m offended because I don‘t know why I should be offended but I want to be offended