Acecream

5 minutes ago, Keith said:

And since I've desired a romantic relationship, while thinking that romantic relationships are basically just closer platonic relationships

– wait – aren't they???

lol well to quote myself "why should people be in romantic relationships when they could be best friends?"

I saw one frog eating another

one minute has the same length in every part of the world

hey hey :) is it also okay to write something if I'm not that old (I'm 23)? like, more about what (that is connected to aromanticism) I fear about getting older and what maybe I start noticing as a difference in being a young adult compared to being a teenager? or is it more for elder Aros?

@Storm_leopardcat thank you too for mentioning also a very important point: that we all have different cultural/religious/social background and therefore see and experience things differently!

there can be more than one truth at the same time! I think we all agree on the important point; that alloaro representation is needed :)

2 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

Well, I'm not sure I can say that I have! What are some examples of movies, tv-series or novels where they've shown this (let me guess, Turning Red (2022)?

okay I think one of the first important thinks I thought would be understood by the aspec communities is, that attraction and action are NOT the same thing. If aces can have sex (action) without feeling sexual attraction, than surely allosexuals can feel sexual attraction without having sex (action). and if this is possible in real live (and it is lol) it can also be shown in media/movies.

also, as most people are not really aware of asexuality, most people would assume that a character is allosexual until proven otherwise (which would only happen with EXPLICIT asexual representation, which we have very rarely)

actually most movies/tv-shows have no to very few explicit sex scenes (it surely gets more in movies for adults) and I'll still say that in most movies I see that persons are sexually attracted to others. If it's not shown in sex scenes it's shown in looks, in words (how characters talk about an other character), in little touches ... sometimes it may be mistaken for aesthetic attraction, but as allos don't talk about aesthetic attraction and aren't really aware of it I do think we can be kinda sure that it's almost never aesthetic attraction

I mean, it's the same in "real life": it's possible to notice that people are sexually attracted to each other even without seeing them having sex lol

but as I know that many asexuals say that they thought "sexual attraction has to be a lie" it could be that it's hard for you to recognize it if it's not mentioned explicitly in case you are in difficulty to recognize something as sexual

On 11/29/2022 at 4:03 PM, Storm_leopardcat said:

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

Also, if (some) alloaro representation would include sex, that would be totally fine, even if you would not like to see it. maybe you are just not the target group then. But that you would not like to see those movies doesn't mean that alloaros don't have the right to have this form of representation, does it? I mean, movies about different sexual orientations have been both, with and without sex scenes, why should this change when a character is aromantic? the character is still allosexual and has a sexual orientation that needs to be shown. If you try to show sexual attraction in a very subtile way there is always the risk the character can be mistaken as a aroace character. I'm kinda sure that even with hints that the character is allosexual but you are clear about the character being aromantic people would assume the character to be ace, because most people don't separate asexuality from aromanticism

and, yeah, we have very few explicit acearo representation (to be honest I can't think of any right now), but I don't think there is any explicit alloaro. It's very important to have bove. Also, I do believe that having alloaro represantation would be helpful for the whole aromantic community, also for acespec aros, as it would help to make people clear that aromanticism and asexuality are two different things and that romantic and sexual attraction can be splitted (which would also help lots of allos I guess)

I myself don't really care for sex scenes, but I think it would be very important to have a character which shows actively interest in sex(ual relationships) but not in romance WITHOUT picturing this character as heartless or abusive.

like, please, do not create another Voldemort as alloaro representation lol

2 minutes ago, AUREA said:

@Storm_leopardcat @Jigen

Thank you for taking so much interest in the Aro Census! The next census is currently in the process of being translated into different languages. We are hoping to have the survey out by either December 2022 or January 2023, but because AUREA is an all volunteer organization it may take a little longer than planned. We appreciate everyone's patience and understanding as we complete the survey. 

If you want to follow the progress of the census you can check our website or follow our newsletter and social media for updates and the release of the next survey.

looking forward to it, thank you for your response!😊

I‘m offended because if he is a baby user or not has nothing to do with how he should behave and how not

so even if you are right in criticising him you are using the wrong argument

1 minute ago, that halo nerd said:

im offended that you think that being a new member dictates who gets to tell people what to do 

I‘m offended that you were faster than me

i have no idea who Chris p is but aromantic duck sounds good

next person wins my pair of holey socks (they are blue and orange!)

someone does, but this person isn't good in doing homework. and unfortunately this time the teacher collects your homework to grade it

I wish the climate crisis would not exist

it disappears and it takes your mouth with it

I wish someone would make me hot chocolate

I'm offended that you talk so much about love this is an aro forum coooomee oooooon

you have a cat but unfortunately you are showing strong allergic reactions

I wish I wouldn't be late again aaaaaah

19 hours ago, Neon said:

Some people are intersex but assigned female at birth and identify as a trans guy, you can add intersex on there, and if they're polyamourous, then that can be added as well.

you can also make a nonbinary transmasculine intersex person out of it, as transmasculine people can be but don't necessary have to be male

and as nonbinary can be both; a specific gender identity or an umbrella term, we could even make it a nonbinary transmasculine genderfluid intersex person and then add the romantic/sexual/other orientation(s)

I just love how being aro affects the way I see society and how I want to be and to live around people. I love how much I learned by questioning all the social norms the alloromantic society made up

hey. it's totally fine to be confused and scared. I can't tell you if you are aro or not, that's something you have to discover yourself. but let me tell you that being aromantic doesn't necessary mean that you'll never have a romantic relationship if you desire one. it also doesn't mean that you are not allowed to kiss people. you don't have to be in love to kiss people or to be in a relationship with people or to live together with people. it just has to be consensual :) sure, for a lot of people being aromantic effects a lot of how we live, what we think, how we interact with other people etc. but it doesn't make all the things you mentioned (except maybe falling in love, but that also depends on where on the arospec you are, bc some Aros do fall in love) impossible. 

Attraction is not action and both, attraction and action, can exist without the other one.

also, to the "I don't want to be aro" part: I remember how scared I was when I first discovered I may be aromantic. I remember how much I wished to be alloromantic and it still does hurt me sometimes to be aro. but being aro is not that bad :):) it's a romantic orientation that is just as precious as every other romantic orientation, even if it might feel very lonely sometimes. there are a lot of wonderful things you can learn bc of aromanticism. it can be beautiful.

I wish you all the best, with or without Sarah

a friend talked about their work in a group that is doing workshops about queerness in schools. "sometimes students ask about how they know if they are in love." sadly they didn't answer the question, it would have been interesting for me

It is. You are not able to leave the house for months because of this snow. and, I'm sorry, there are lots of problems with electricity coming up...

I wish all people would know about aromanticism – with completely correct definitions!

I'm very sorry but loving sex jokes is making you a "bad" asexual and not a "bad" aromantic :)

20 hours ago, Sili said:

Nice work on your good nights sleep! You stole it from someone who needed it more though

I wish AromanticAardvark hadnt stolen my sleep

It wasn‘t aromanticAardvark who has stolen your sleep. You simply lost it. I don‘t know if you will find it ever again.

i hope, you will

i wish I would not have to prepare my presentation today

I‘m currently dating (I guess)

Hey nonmerci :)

I hope it's fine that I answer, even if I currently don't want to use "only" the label aromatic, but I totally feel what you are saying and I had similiar thoughts/feeling in the past and I'm kinda sure I will have them again^^

So, first of all, I myself refuse to say "aroace" at the moment. It's partly what you mentioned, that "aroace" sounds like ONE identity while it isn't and partly because it feels as if it would erase my sensual attraction (which is doesn't, but as people hear the word aroace and directly think they "know all" about it, they are always confused when I mention it). So I used to say "aromantic AND ace" in the past rather than aroace while at the same time I sometimes felt as if aro and ace would be another thing than aroace??? I've no clue if that's true or not, bc aroaces can be on the spectrums in the same ways people who are aro and ace can, can't they?

Currently I'm leaning towards saying that I'm queer and aro – which I like on the one hand because it doesn't give a strict definition and I don't have to think too much about what my sensual attraction actually feels to me and who I'm attracted to sensually – and I hate on the other hand because it opens two groups: queer vs aro. And, clearly, being aromantic is totally queer itself. When I think about my own queerness, the first thing I think about is not that I'm ace or that I'm attracted to people of several genders in a sensual, physical way or not that I am nonbinary trans*... The first think that comes in my mind when I'm thinking about my queerness is my aromanticism. It has just a huge importance for me.

I also don't feel welcome in lgbtqia+ spaces if those spaces wouldn't welcome me without any question if I was a endo-cis-heterosexual-aromantic person. (I'm not sure if endo is the correct word for not-inter*-people in english, as it's not my mothertongue, feel free to correct me :):) )

Even if I'm totally sure I'm ace I don't have the need to talk about it, as you mentioned as well. And I too do feel ashamed or bad because of this reason because I feel like I'm betraying the ace community. But I also feel that when I tell people that I am aroace or aro and ace people always focus more on the ace part an that sucks, especially as it's less important for me. There is an arospec and acespec meeting in my town and even if I would love to go I don't, because I need and want an arospec meeting rather than an aro-and/or ace-spec one. I would feel way more connected to alloaros than I would to alloaces. I fear that it will be too much about asexuality and too less about aromanticism. Also I feel kinda disconnected and annoyed from the ace-community as I've seen a lot of sex-negativity and ace-elitarism in there (which is NOT the fault of asexuality as a label or of acespec people in general of course).

So, I totally understand if you want to use "just aro" as a label. I think I don't have to tell you that this is valid but I want to tell you that it's completely reasonable and that you don't have to feel ashamed to "make the ace community less visible" because it's not you making it invisible while deciding the label doesn't feel good to use anymore

and I think I remember from the aro census that there was a not insignificant number of people who described as "just aro", but I could be wrong 

On 11/14/2022 at 12:16 AM, EternallyTDB said:

As an aro ace, I’m curious. How do you allo-aros separate your romantic and sexual attraction? Or, how are they different? And can you feel sexual attraction on an emotional attachment level?

I hope it's fine that I'm adding an answer, as an queersensual aroace

I'm aroace, so I can't speak for alloaros, but as an aroace with strong sensual attraction I can say that most of the time it's very easy to differ attractions/to tell wich kind of attraction I feel. Like to me it's clear that the attraction I feel towards persons and maybe persons bodies is sensual and not sexual, even if it might lead to physical intime actions

I'm not in school anymore but yeah, there are so many "ok which side do I want to join" moments in daily life. and it's still hard, bc I always feel to have the choice between a group where I don't feel secure and feel judged or a group where I feel like misgendering myself and being dysphoric :))

public spaces (yeah, not even queer public spaces) are never nonbinary-friendly unless they think EXPLICITLY of nonbinary people – and, sadly, most of them don't

@EternallyTDB I hope you'll find a way for your school! maybe you can just switch or ask (a) friend(s) to join you on the boys table to feel more comfortable?

I faked my first crush with 12 and felt very old

Do you think you are good at keeping feelings secret without being „cold“ or hurting yourself? why do you think it would be embarrassing? Do you th8nk, letting them know would change the realationship you both have or could you both get along with it?

maybe you could ask them (hypothetically^^) if they would like (in general) to know whether someone of their friends has a crush on them or not?
 

i don‘t know them so I can‘t decide for you. But I guess if your friendship is strong the truth should not destroy it (maybe you should make clear you do not expect anything from them). I mean, I know from my own experience that it’s sometimes hard to hear about (romantic) feelings from friends and I guess it can be very hard to talk to friends about (romantic) feelings. But I‘m not sure if it‘s always the best to keep emotions secret… also, being honest can be very I,portent in a friendship

In case you don’t want to tell them (totally fair!): you wrote that you haven‘t been any different. If you are able to stay the same bestie as you‘ve been before and do the same stuff with them etc I think that should work? I myself sometimes notice feelings from other persons in the way they look at me, so maybe you could pay attention if you look at them very different as you look at others?