LBMango

I like "aromantics of all sexual orientations" I interpret "a-spec" as "the asexual spectrum", So, "a-spec" includes gray-asexuality and demisexual, but not allosexual aromantic. I kind of wish that there were two terms: as-spec and ar-spec... Then we could talk about a*-spec.... but that isn't the language we have...

All of y'all who were peer pressured into choosing a person to claim you were crushing on were WAY more popular than I was, I guess. Or maybe it's a gendered thing? The geeky boys in my schools never discussed any of this... My best friend WAS surprised when I said who I would have asked to prom, if I'd decided to go, because I didn't really know her at all, I just thought she was cute, and not someone who was WAY above me in the social pecking order...

I mean, that's what people think will happen to gay people... "Oh look! a penis! NOW I understand!"

I agree with Jot-Aro and Nonmerci. If you explicitly include non-ace aros in the group charter/advertising/whatever, it would go a long way... If you don't explicitly include that concept, **I**, at least, would assume that I'd be tolerated, but not really a full member...

I had a weird experience last night. I don't normally remember my dreams much, but I have at least bits of this one... In the dream, I was with a woman who I thought I had a crush on in college (25 years ago). I found/find her physically attractive, and she's really cool, and fun to be around. In the dream, I run into her again (I haven't actually seen her in person for almost 25 years, but we're FB friends, etc) and suddenly have all of these feelings. Heart palpitations, butterflies, etc... I remember, in the dream, thinking "huh, maybe I'm not aromantic after all?" Now, It's been a LONG time since I've had feelings for this woman. She's been married to her high school sweetheart for almost 25 years and they have at least 2 kids... I still think she's really cool... but that's about it... Have others had similar experiences? I mean, I can fly in my dreams, so it's not like dreaming I can do something that I can't do in real life is all that surprising...

My ideal relationship, for ME, is what I call fractionamory. So, in polyamory, I would be in (possibly) more than one relationship. In fractionamory, I'd be in less than one, but not zero... so, like, 1/2 of a relationship...

I think this falls under my category of "Language is hard"...

Some parts of that are understandable, and fine. Some parts of that are NOT, IMHO... You're not going to be able to do anything about your parents being disappointed that you won't provide them with grandchildren... That's a thing they'll feel... (If they make you feel GUILTY about it, that's a different situation, but if they accept disappointment as part of life... such is life) If they're disappointed because you won't experience "the happiness that they experience" or something, then you just have to show that you're experiencing your own happiness, or working on it, or whatever... If they're disappointed because you're not "normal" and you don't fit into their vision of how things are supposed to be... Then you have to convince them otherwise.... My parents are, I'm sure, disappointed that they won't have grandkids... I'm Aro, and my sister is married, but not having kids. I think that they're a little worried about my happiness, which is totally reasonable, and I'm also on the depressive side, so... fair... I think my dad is also a bit worried for me, because he seems to be of the "your kids are who take care of you when you get old" mindset (he's getting to the point where he needs (my sister mostly) to take care of him)... and without kids, who'll take care of me? eh. I am not sure the world will last that long anyway... I'm not sure if that helped...

We didn't really talk much about discrimination per se. We talked a lot about frustrations, and unmet expectations (our own, our families, our friends, etc), and those I think map pretty well onto aro as well, just DIFFERENT frustrations... So, I didn't feel uncomfortable, the way I would have at a LGBTQ+ gathering.

I think I'm unclear on the difference between sensual and sexual attraction... I may be conflating them, and I may be only experiencing one of them, I'm not sure. I think that the easiest for me is to list a bunch of desired activities and specify which it is... kissing cuddling other "sexy touching" various "kinky" activities, like bondage, etc massage (I mean, I'll TAKE a massage from anyone, and professionals are different, but I only actively WANT one, or WANT to give one to certain people...)

Not me, but at the ace meetup I was at at a con (mentioned in another post of mine) a kid (probably 14?) said "[they] somehow manage to be flamboyantly gay, even though they are ace-aro" I liked the phrasing. It doesn't describe me, but I liked it...

I should mention that the moderators were totally welcoming, and understood my discomfort, etc. But yeah... Also, I was able to put in a plug for arocalypse (although I think I pronounced it aropocalypse... hopefully people can find it...)

I was at a science fiction/lifestyle convention this weekend (Arisia in Boston) and there was a meeting that was listed as an asexuality, and a-spec gathering. Aro was listed in the description, so I went. However, as a non-ace aro, I felt really out of place. I was diametrically opposite the majority of people in the room, who were romantic ace. There were some ace-aro as well. I was the only allo-aro there... Have others had this kind of experience? Is there a better way to go about that? or do we just need to find more people to create our own groups?

And even worse: Sometimes they make you pick sides! WTF?

I have been accused of flirting when I didn't know it... Seeing as how I'm aro, I still think I wasn't, but she was pretty sure that I was... It's a bit like negging I guess? I don't understand negging to begin with... (do they even have Pick-Up-Artists in your region? If you don't know what "negging" is... you're probably happier that way...)

Yep. that. As an allo aro, but also someone who has a very hard time reading other people (and also someone who didn't understand that aro was a thing into his mid 40's) I can say that being in a satisfying sexual relationship seems extremely unlikely... However, to differ with Jot-Aro, I think I WOULD like a FWB set up... at least if we were ACTUALLY good friends... Or, I've considered looking into the poly community, where, if I can't satisfy all of a partner's needs, there are others who can do that... I'm not sure if that's a Thing either... but maybe?

In American English, at least, I would distinguish between a Relationship, and a relationship... you have a relationship with your coworkers, your business contacts, your barista. You probably don't have a Relationship with them... A Relationship is one of the more primary relationships you have... so you can have a Relationship with your best friend... Then again, as discussed above, it looks like the definition of "platonic" is also in question... so ... Language is hard? Yeah, I'm going to just say "language is hard" and leave it at a hard "maybe?".

I think it would depend on what they MEAN by the term... since it seems kind of contradictory to my understanding of the usage of those words, I'm not sure what information they're trying to impart... Is it: bi/pan, but strongly tending towards lesbian? or: Bi/pan romantic, lesbian sexual (or vice versa)? or: Bi/pan, but lesbian sounds cooler? If it's the last one, then, yeah, I'd say it's maybe harmful. The middle one, is/are not harmful. The 1st one... maybe? (Note: I don't think it's the 3rd one, I just put that in there for completeness)

Life is a phase. As are all things that happen during it... A label is not a legal contract with responsibilities and requirements, and you have to get a lawyer to sign something if you change your mind. By that, I mean: Call yourself whatever feels accurate to you now. If you decide that was wrong, or how you feel changes, change then. Welcome.

I normally really like SMBC (Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal), but today's comic: http://smbc-comics.com/comic/machine-love both implies that romantic love is intrinsic to humans, AND that sex = romance.... Or am I just thinking too hard?

Sennkestra, you are, of course, right. One should never assume that anyone has it easier than yourself... that was poor judgement on my part...

What Jot-Aro said. Plus since I'm not ace, it took longer for me to realize that I wasn't "normal"... I knew I was heterosexual, and that's the term that most people think about, so it sort of got left at that, and I assumed that the things that I didn't experience weren't actually there, and were just invented for fiction, exaggerated, etc. I would imagine (projecting here) that it's harder for an aro-ace to not notice that they aren't allo... I'm less sure how aroness interacts with other non-a-sexualities...

I think that it's both of these. I have very frequently have a very strong reaction to toxic positivity. So, that's part of the problem. Also, my primary love language is touch, which, for men in American culture, at least, is pretty much limited to romantic relationships...

I'm just very confused how "reparations" fits into this...