LBMango

No one should feel bad about feeling sad. I'm not sure that being aro MAKES anyone happy. Knowing that they are aro might make their life make more sense, but I think it's more about acceptance than anything else... Ok, let me just speak for myself. Aro doesn't make me an happier. Pretending to be allorom made me LESS happy, and not pretending is better, but that's about it... Do I think that alloroms are happier than aros? Maybe, maybe not. My guess is that they have more extremes. Again, only speaking for myself... Personally, I am the most emotionally constant person I know. Most people have highs and lows, with an average of maybe 5/10. I am at a constant 4/10, with very little variation. That's how I feel about being aro. Alloroms have highs and lows as they get "New Relationship Energy" or break up, or whatever. I don't experience that (and I'm generalizing to all of us, I guess) so I'm much more level... Is that a good thing? I miss the lows, but I also miss the highs? Who knows. no one can compare internal emotional states... But regardless, if missing those highs and lows makes you sad, then it makes you sad. Don't feel like you shouldn't be sad.

a confirmation for once!

I basically put down roots by joining organizations, and being active in them. I organize weekly board game nights, and am active in most of the other activities I do... Not having kids means I have more time and energy for such things... It DOES mean that the people I interact with tend to be significantly younger than me... (30-ish vs 47) but I've become the fixed point...

The person sent a global "fuck you" but DIDN'T QUIT? I kind of assume that they will either quit, or be fired for inappropriate emails soon... nothing in relation to you, but I would think that a global fuck you would be grounds for firing anywhere... As for the protestations of love... No means no. You don't need to have a reason to say no. You don't need to explain yourself. You don't need to convince them. If you say "no" and they don't back off immediately... you did the right thing. As PressA said, it's ok to be sad about this.

Love at first sight is a romantic myth, right? It never actually happens in real life, right? (I mean, how would I know?) Now I want a story where two people see each other across a crowded dance floor. Electricity tingles. They meet in the middle of the dance floor and dance a passionate tango. Then, over rehydrating beverages they realize that they have absolutely nothing in common... maybe they don't even speak any common languages... or they support completely opposite political philosophies, or something... Maybe I just wrote that story, because there probably isn't anything more interesting that happens in the story... I suppose that one of them could get pulled into an international espionage plot, the other is never relevant to the story again...

Love at first sight is a romantic myth, right? It never actually happens in real life, right? (I mean, how would I know?) Now I want a story where two people see each other across a crowded dance floor. Electricity tingles. They meet in the middle of the dance floor and dance a passionate tango. Then, over rehydrating beverages they realize that they have absolutely nothing in common... maybe they don't even speak any common languages... or they support completely opposite political philosophies, or something... Maybe I just wrote that story, because there probably isn't anything more interesting that happens in the story... I suppose that one of them could get pulled into an international espionage plot, the other is never relevant to the story again...

I would say that even **IF** there was no one with the exact same identification as you, that wouldn't make you stupid or not ok. You identify with the identification that you identify with. That said, the fact that there's a word for it that is easily identifiable, means that it is extremely unlikely that you are alone in this identification. I'm not sure if that was helpful. But yes, I'm pretty sure that you're ok. At least WRT to this aspect.... As an aside, I'm never sure how to react to posts like this. I kind of read it as "Am I ok? I have this Thing... and I'm really depressed and...." and the answer is basically, "the Thing isn't the thing that's making you not ok. You're not ok because you're depressed and you should talk to someone about that." So, basically, only you can answer if you're not OK. but being aroflux doesn't make you not OK. Hope that helps a little...

I will say, that I haven't told my family... I mean, I'm 47, and I've never introduced them to a partner or anything, so they pretty much know that I'm not going to get married and have kids... (My sister is married, but not having kids, so no grandkids... oh well) Beyond "when will I get grandkids" which I have THANKFULLY never been asked, I don't think my family would have any reaction... But I also don't feel any need to actually TELL them either...

I believe that everyone should have a therapist... In the US, at least many cannot afford one, which is really a problem... but therapy can be really helpful.

Which, to me, at least, seems totally reasonable...

I used ASAW last week to tell my close friends (me emo-list on facebook) that I'm aro. I explained what this meant for me, gave some pointers to AUREA and ASAW and Aroccalypse, and closed with: What does this mean? For any of you? Absolutely nothing other than maybe a bit of "understanding [LBMango]"... And I guess at least a partial answer to "why is [LBMango] single?" which I doubt many people have bothered to wonder about... That's pretty much how I expected people to respond, and, well, since this was my emo-list who are the FB friends who I really trust, I was right. There were a few likes/loves, etc but that's about it... Now, I'm a middle-aged cis-hetero-aro-male, so that may have a definite effect (no one is going to tell me I'm still too young to know, or that I'll grow out of anything...) but I'm often surprised how invested other people seem to be in other people's aro-ness... So, is my experience unusual?

I announced to my closest FB friends group that I'm aro... I'm not calling it "coming out" because I'm straight allo-aro, and that feels like not my language to use... The reactions were ... muted? a few likes and one person saying that they think that they may be aro-ace (they were already open about being ace)... I didn't really expect much more, because how do you expect people to react when a 47 year old says this? No one on my emo-list is going to be an asshole about it, and it's not like suddenly someone might realize that I might be attracted to them when they thought I wasn't, or anything like that... me being aro has exactly zero impact on any of my friend's lives... so... cool, I guess.

I was envisioning licking... but YMMV.... Right, but I was thinking of "visual attraction" as you enjoy the appearance of a person... I mean, visual attraction DOES imply actually doing it... how would you know that you find a person visually attractive if you don't see them? similarly, how would you know if you find someone smell-attractive if you don't smell them, or taste-attractive if you don't taste them? I would say that if you SEE someone and then want to touch them, then that is sensual attraction, not touch-attraction... But I may be makeing too fine grained distinctions here...

"You are totally capable of getting a PhD. But don't bother, it's not worth it..."

I think that the idea is that if it originates from an asexual website, then it was written from an asexual viewpoint, and will have asexual biases and assumptions...

By this I meant not that you WANT to touch someone, which is can occur totally visually, but that you touch someone and they "feel nice". It seems like you already probably know someone before you notice that their skin feels nice... But maybe that's just me...

I guess some people have scent attraction but not visual attraction, or auditory attraction, or something... But at that point, we have to split it into... I'm going to say 3, because when you realize that you're touch attracted to someone, it's probably a little into the relationship, and "taste attracted" even later.... But, I think "aesthetic" includes at least visual and hearing... Touch probably fits under "sensual"....

My understanding is that "crush" is inherently romantic. non-romantic attraction is a different thing... And aromantic is different than non-romantic. Most people have non-romantic relationships. My understanding that a PERSON is aromantic, not a relationship, an attraction, or a crush. As such, if you feel both non-romantic feelings, and alloromantic feelings for different people, or at different times, or whatever... that makes you ... normal? Basically, I'm having trouble understanding what the alternatives to what you describe are: you feel both romantic and non-romantic attraction... Well, the alternatives are, one can only experience non-romantic attractions, which makes one straight up aromantic with no qualifiers, or one can experience only romantic attraction, which makes one... what? that's not a Thing, as far as I know... I'm not trying to deny your experience. I just don't understand your experience because you're using words in very different ways than what I'm used to, and so what you are saying sounds non-sensical with the definitions of the words I'm used to...

Is frogs just because of green?

I would like to second this! Although, Pie is kind of claimed by mathematicians (pi vs pie) But eh... Yay pie

I think "discount chocolates" or something like that... may be the best. Because it's obvious that we're just taking advantage of the amatonormative February brouhaha...

I think that the suggestion is that we CREATE one...

outside of the ace/aro communities, I think romance and sex are conflated, so "platonic" means "not that". within the a-communities, it seems (from very little evidence) that "platonic" means "the part that I want, without the part I don't understand". Which I don't find to be a useful definition personally...

I think it might be cool to have a "nesting partner". Have a best friend who I live with (separate bedrooms, and plenty of space)... but I'm pretty happy living by myself...

I just came up with this, so I don't have a firm idea, and maybe it's been done: but something with some pun on arrow/cupid's arrow/aro.... I'm not really sure how that would work.... I kind of want there to be a thing where the symbol of aro is the banana. Because, "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana". But I'm weird, so don't base anything off of me. Also, It's Monday, and I haven't had enough coffee yet, so I'm a extra weird right now...