Hi, I’m June, a 20-year-old student who is trying hard to learn and to love myself.
For me, lithromantic and aromantic is a rather new concept. Since I was 11, I’ve already had romantic feelings towards boys ( and some specific girls). But when they returned the feelings, I was petrified. I automatically shut down all the emotions and attractions I had for them, and all the desires I once had about falling in love with them just disappeared as if it’d never existed in the first place.
Many friends of mine told me that it was just “a condition”, that I was just not ready for relationships yet, or maybe that person was not “the one” for me. At first, I believed them. Because, I’m a hopelessly romantic individual. I always want to love and be loved. When my love is unrequited, I get really sad and broken. But it seems like all the idea of romance only lives in my fantasies and theories. Because when the time came, even with the person that I took the first steps, I still felt something wasn’t right, and eventually, I turned down the offer to date them.
From 2 years to present, I haven’t fallen in love with anyone, not even a simple crush. I feel no attraction towards people around me. I convinced myself because I was tired of falling in love and get nothing in return, but it’s not. I do get wonderful people love me back, but when I realized their feelings, I reject them without thinking.
I was really devastated, because the universe gave me the heart to love anyone with great character and heart without minding about their sexuality, while on the other hand, leaves me with no desire to be in a relationship, to love and treasure the person I have feelings for.
So when a friend introduced me to the term of lithromantic and aromantic, I was very surprised. And happy. Because for the first time in my life, I felt like I’m not alone on my journey to learn about myself, my spectrum, my identity.
I’m still learning to love myself for who I am.
This is my pure thoughts and feelings about myself and my situation. I’m sorry if my words are messy, and if I accidentally hurt someone by the way I talk about my story.
Love you all.
I’m willingly to talk more about myself so please just dm me if you feel like it.
