Emerald Cheetah

First I learned about asexuality from a friend in high school when he came out to me as asexual. I had no idea what it was until he explained it but I was like "oh cool", and then that was it for a year or two. Then last year (2018) I saw a post on Instagram about Aromanticism. Someone was telling a story of girl who identified as aromantic being discriminated against. Even though I was learning what aromanticism was for the first time, I could still understand it, and I sympathized with the girl. However, it took a few months for me to finally apply the label of aromanticism to myself! And then even more months (on top of the few years) for me to finally accept asexuality. It really doesn't help when society is so good at convincing you that you're straight.

Oh! Of course. Sorry about that. The first one is from Volume 2 Chapter 3. (time stamp=3:18-3:42) The second one is from Volume 1 Chapter 2 (time stamp=1:11-1:41) The episodes can be found on YouTube or the Roosterteeth website. Though I'd recommend YouTube since it's just easier to use.

This kind of belief drives me crazy! It's part of the reason why I'm always so wary around other guys that I start to form a friendship with because I always fear that they'll begin to see me in a romantic way due to that idea that we can't solely be friends. I demand that we dismantle this harmful belief! I would very much so appreciate more guy friends. ? No I unfortunately did not bring it up to any of my professors, with or without the support of my club. Whenever I have problems, I have this tendency to keep them to myself, especially when another person(s) is the problem. I guess I'm a bit of a people pleaser in that respect because I don't want other people to feel as bad as I do. So I never bring up the problem to the person causing it since I don't want the other person to feel bad and therefore I never solve the problem. The reasoning is very flawed but I can't help it. I just despise confrontation. And, despite the fact that I've told you all of my problem, I'm not sure I could do the same with my club. I feel more comfortable online than in person. Even though I know my club members better than anybody on Arocalypse, I still think I would trust Arocalypse with my problems more than my club. My club only meets on the 1st and 3rd Monday of every month so I haven't really gotten extremely close with them. I usually just go to the aroace club meetings to forget about my problems tbh. It's a place where I can be myself and forget the amatonormativity exists! Just for an hour.

This was mentioned in the other discussion on the site about aro headcanons but I don't see it here. So I'm putting forth, Ruby Rose from RWBY as Aromantic. The evidence below should be enough to make my case. https://ytcropper.com/cropped/mj5ddefdbae161e Long story short. Ruby is completely clueless to all things romantic. https://ytcropper.com/cropped/sL5ddeffd03e797 Here's another video of Ruby being a dork which is also kind of aromantic if you ask me.

If I had to write a love letter, I would probably have just gone all out over tope super dramatic with it. I actually think I had to write one in high school to a character in a show we were watching. I made the love letter really stalker-ish because then I could at least humor myself while writing it. Though I did this before I learned I was aromantic. It would probably be more painful if I were given a love letter assignment now that I know I'm aromantic. Why is Valentine's day even a holiday? Someone enlighten me. Please. I went through sex education in middle school. It saddens me that the college equivalent still has a ways to go as well. And this doesn't help! Even in a sex education lecture, I would feel uncomfortable about my identity when I shouldn't. I wouldn't be able to speak up because then I'd essentially be correcting the lecturer and telling them "hey you're wrong." and then again. Vocabulary lesson. And that gets very tiring real fast. It's also really uncomfortab to do it in front of people you don't really know. I think once when I answered a question about my ideal person, I said to my Spanish partner that my boyfriend (because Spanish can't be gender neutral) would have red eyes. And they were like..."Wait that's not possible????" And I was like "EXACTLY" (To clarify, red eyes do exist. But are super super rare. And they're not actually red. They are the lack of color and you just see the blood vessels in the eye. However I added after the red eyes that the person would also need black hair. And most red eye people are albinos and therefore they would not have black hair. SO THERE YOU GO. MY IDEAL PERSON IS OFFICIALLY IMPOSSIBLE). Sorry I rambled. But yeah, I had a little fun when I answered the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend question in my Spanish class once. The other person probably didn't get the memo though. I think my problem with the term heartbreak is that it is implied that it is romantic. If someone talks about heartbreak you can almost be certain they are referring to it in a romantic way unless they specify otherwise and that is why is gets on my nerves. Yes, I have experienced friendship heartbreak most certainly, but I feel like when people hear heartbreak,Almost nobody will think platonically unless of course they are on the aro spectrum which in that case you would have no choice. And even then, I almost feel we need another word altogether to differentiate between (romantic) heartbreak and friendship heartbreak because romance has taken over the word completely as far as I can see. I go to Iowa State University. So it is a public college which is also why I am very surprised to be hearing some of these things. Of course, these examples are kind of small in comparison but they still hurt. No, I've never taken a sociology class. To be honest, I haven't taken one because I just don't really understand what sociology is all about. However, with this recommendation, I might consider it as an elective. Sadly, I already signed up for classes for next semester ? But I'm kind of interested now.

Hello! It's been a long time since I've been around Arocalypse mainly because I started college, and I've been really busy. But ever since I got to college, I've started to realize something. I thought that college would be better. There was a club called Asexual Aromantic Alliance, and I thought that must mean people knew of our existence. Upon starting college, it certainly seemed like a more open minded place, and it is, but I guess that open mindedness stopped when it got to Aromanticism. I was finally glad to be away from my parents. I even have an Aro pride flag hanging in my dorm room. But that's about as far as it goes. In everyday life I feel like I'm being invalidated despite the fact that I can be openly aromantic and asexual.The amatonormativity is just everywhere! Here's some examples. My Spanish class is the worst example. I really like my Spanish teacher. She is very animated and nice. But then we have these speaking exercises where we talk to a partner answering questions on the projector screen. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a question that goes along the lines of "What is your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend?" Or "What's your ideal husband/wife?". I usually just tell my partner that I'm not going to answer the question and instead let them answer it. But I feel terrible when I see that question. It's like a slap in the face. The second example just came up today in my philosophy class. My professor whom I also enjoy very much was trying to demonstrate something with an example. And all of sudden he went to the example of heartbreak. He said something like "I'm sure by now all of you have experienced heartbreak And he also said "If you haven't, well, I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing." And throughout that little part I was just cringing internally. Surely a philosophy professor would be open minded enough to not jump to such conclusions!!!! BUT AMATONORMATIVITY! I wish I could speak up and say something to my professors when they invalidate me, but I just can't. I hardly feel comfortable coming out at times because I dread the vocabulary speech that I'll have to give and I never know how someone will react. Some people are like "I don't understand how this is possible. I need more explanation." Others are like "WOW SO COOL. YOU'RE AMAZING." Then you have the worst response of "Lol no I don't believe you." And then some are like "um ok." Sometimes it's easier just not to say anything until you're backed into a corner and have no choice but to come out. Does anybody else who is in college experience something like this a lot inside and outside of class?

That's interesting point you've brought up. I've found that I only experience squishes on women however why? I cannot say. Platonic attraction is a very confusing thing for me just as romantic attraction is confusing for those who experience it. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I experience squishes on the same sex is because I fear getting too close to the opposite sex. Throughout high school, I only had friends who were girls and I found it difficult to befriend guys. They just kept themselves at a distance from me. I always felt that guys only would come close if they wanted to date me. So could I experience a squish on the opposite sex? I have no idea though sometimes I honestly doubt it. Every time I get close to a guy, I start to fear their intentions with me. I've only ever felt close to girls and therefore felt squishes towards some of them.

I can understand what you mean here. Currently I have my sexuality listed as Asexual and Aegosexual. But before that it said something like "Heterosexual??Asexual?? I don't knowww" and honestly I still don't know. I've never experienced sexual attraction as far as I know but aromanticism is certainly a way bigger part of my identity. Sometimes I wonder if my aromanticism gets in the way of me feeling sexual attraction if I do actually experience it. It's just way too confusing for me! When I went to pride, I bought only aromantic merchandise and no asexual merch. My aromantic identity matters way more to me perhaps because it makes more sense to me than asexuality. I don't experience romantic attraction and I'm fairly certain that I never will. But sexual attraction is a whole bag of tricks that I don't want to get into. So honestly if someone asked me my sexuality I'd probably just say "I'm aromantic" and leave the asexual part out. I'd only ever talk about my confusing sexuality if the topic specifically came up. But to start, I'm just aromantic and that's all people need to know about me unless I should decide to tell them otherwise.

My current plan is just to move somewhere like a city and get a bunch of roommates and live the roommate life. That way, I always have friends around me! Though the problem is finding roommates I enjoy and cherish. I can't just drag my closest friends to an apartment in a city and then secretly hope they never marry so I don't have to see the PDA...Yeah my solution still has some kinks to work out ? Maybe if I find some aromantic roommates, now that would be the jackpot! Though almost impossible ?

I actually agree! I've felt the same way for a long time. Whenever people in the LGBT+ community use this phrase as a way to justify themselves then I do feel quite a bit excluded. I've talked about this in other threads about how aromantics don't really fit into the LGBT+ community because sometimes it seems we don't have anything in common with them (but I still think we belong! This is just a complaint towards the community as a whole). It's a community that just pushes this idea of love and that can be good! But it's not good when you exclude others in your own community. But never do they once defend the idea that it's okay not to love. The aromantics fall by the wayside and aren't in any way reflected in that phrase. ughhh yes. I hate the soulmate stuff. Everytime I see a mention of it, it really irks me. I don't really understand the concept. Of all the 7 billion+ people on this planet, you just happened to come across "the one"?? Puh-leaaasssee. Agreeeeeed. That's the ultimate cringe. People say really weird things when they're in love.

So I had known for awhile that common phrases often push certain beliefs held by society as a whole. And to no one's surprise, there are phrases in support of amatonormativity as well. I've created this thread to see if we, the Arocalypse community, can come up with as many proverbial phrases, sayings, rhymes, and so on that are used today by people in all kinds of situations to push amatonormativity. Here's 2 that I can think of: 1. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage I've known about this one for a long time as it's been said in at least one video on asexuality/aromanticism. It sets out a life path for everyone assuming that you have to fall in love and then it goes even further assuming that you'll get married and have a child! All kinds of assumptions in this rhyme. This isn't a very commonly used saying but I still believe many people hold this belief especially when it comes to parents/grandparents towards their children/grandchildren. 2. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all What a jab at the aro community (and single people too)! Like do I even need to explain this. I was listening to a song and someone said this and I was just like "no" *turns off song* What else can you guys think of?? There must be more that I just can't think of at the moment.

@eOrion yeah, the only way I can post it is by dragging it from my gmail since I sent the picture from my phone to my computer and I worry it might be blocking people out. I tried it again, how about now? Thanks for telling me! Edit: I converted the image from my phone into a URL. I really hope this worked! I usually don't go onto Arocalypse from my phone but desperate times call for desperate measures.

So I went to Spain in June, and while I was there I came across this shirt and of course I had to buy it. It just screams aromantic! When my mom saw me wearing it, she was like "ok?" but, honestly I'm just happy to have come across something that didn't have amatonormativity written all over it. (if the file isn't viewable, please tell me, thanks!) https://postimg.cc/7fvccCc0

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I came really close to being in my first relationship when someone asked me out but a few hours later I broke it off due to the stress (we're still friends and there's no hard feelings. He knows I'm aromantic now.) so I honestly don't count it as a relationship because nobody knows to this day that it ever actually happened. I've just never desired to be in an actual relationship. There was someone else who confessed wanting to be in a relationship with me but it didn't go anywhere and we just stayed friends. Besides that, I've just had friendships and I've never sought out relationships. Ever since I got into junior high and high school, I always saw dating and whatnot as really awkward, and honestly, doomed to fail (or at the very least, something that had a very very small success rate so why even try?)

That is an interesting question. I honestly don't know. Though to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm even socially awkward at all. I feel like people tend to misuse the word "Socially awkward" and use it for more situations that it's applicable. The only reason my German friend probably thinks I'm socially awkward is because from what he knows of me (we are online friends) I don't socialize as much as him (ex. I hardly ever go to parties nor do I like going to dances) because I'm very introverted, and I don't like hugging at all. And apparently that makes me socially awkward? However I don't think that's true. I have plenty of friends and I can socialize very well around people at my school despite me being quite different in personality from the other girls my age. I am quite eccentric but people still seem to like me. So I feel like my German friend was just trying to pull problems out of thin air and assign them to me. Reasons that would explain, to him, why I hadn't found the one or reasons why "I" didn't think I needed to find a lover. @nonmerci Perhaps. The first time I was just too shocked to say anything or fight back in any way. All I could do was deny any of his requests for me to date someone and to keep telling him that I don't like dating. I was too surprised to challenge him in any way but if the conversation does come up, I will be more prepared to challenge what he thinks. That's for sure.

@Jot-Aro Kujo Yeah it's really a pain. I feel like I knew already about a lot of these things but I didn't want to think about it at first. I just brushed it to the side and hoped that it wasn't true. Sad to say, With every community I join, I just see more and more injustice. I can't wait to go to college and finally join the aro/ace club that's there. An online community is nice and all but I'd love to get out there and make a difference somehow.

So I had heard about the discrimination that happens in the LGBT+ community. However since I hadn't been identifying as Aro for long, I hadn't experienced this discrimination from anyone, let alone from someone in the community at all yet. Sadly, I just had a run in with this first hand a few weeks ago for the first time. I was talking with my German friend over the phone and he asked me to tell him about something new in my life. I was struggling to tell him something so random so he asked me about my love life. I hadn't really told many people of my Aromanticism, and he's not someone you can take seriously so I told him jokingly that "I don't have a love life". Then when he said that surely there must be someone, I decided to say the "A" word. I said "I'm Aromantic"...He was Bisexual so I thought he would be accepting but then he said " I don't believe you" and that shocked me. I had never experienced this so I didn't know how to respond. All I could say was "Why?". I tried to play it off as he told me things like that I should try dating, or as he asked me if there really is nobody that I would date, or as he suggested I was just socially awkward and not Aromantic but on the inside it was starting to hurt. It hurt even more after the conversation ended. As I reflected on the conversation I realized he had tried to "fix" me. He tried to get me to date. He tried to make me something I'm not, and it was a member of the LGBT+ community that did this! (The only good thing I got out of that is now I'm starting to think I might be asexual too, not heterosexual like I previously thought. but what a way to find that out...definitely not how I'd prefer to) Now that I've experienced this, it is clear that this is a real problem. People think we don't exist. People think there's something wrong with us just as my friend suggested it was my social awkwardness that was the problem (though other worse informed people will suggest things like actual mental illness). And even worse, we are overshadowed in our own community and that has lead even our own peers to believing that we don't exist. I began noticing things I would overlook like how, and I'm sure you guys don't do that here, but when I look through the aromantic hashtag in instagram I'll see posts that deal with asexuality only. There's not a single mention of aromantics except in the hashtag! It's a bit of a pain having to scroll past those nonaromantic posts especially for people who aren't even asexual. It's also hard when some (not all!) alloromantic asexuals will throw aromantics under the bus to be accepted as well by saying things along the line of "Look! I have a partner. I experience love too! There's just no sex involved." Now I know not all Alloromantic Asexuals do this but some do and this is definitely damaging to the Aromantic community. I'm just beginning to notice how different we are from the rest of the LGBT+ community. We are separated from them by a common bond a lot of them share: love. And it's not just a small part of the asexual community that will do it, parts of the LGBT community will do it unknowingly when they argue their case saying that "it's just love." This helps them, but when they've been accepted by others, the aromantic community won't be accepted because those same arguments will be used against us. It hurts us in the long run. Yeah I'm sorry this post is very all over the place! I'm kind of having a crisis. It's just, as other parts of the LGBT community are starting to be accepted, aromantics are struggling to get any recognition at all. We're growing slowly but I'd love to see more progress. But how? How can we make people see us and understand us? After this incident I feel like I'll be more hesitant in the future to come out to, well, anyone!