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Second guessing my aro-ness :(


PhysicsOwl
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I posted a while back about my best friend (M) having a crush on me (http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/115-advice-my-best-friends-has-a-crush-on-me) and I ended up kind of talking to her over the summer after another friend (D) kind of forced me to confront the issue. I wasn't as clear as I could have been because I was really nervous so apparently both of them are still kind of confused and think we could/should get together. M is coming to visit this weekend, so D was telling me I should talk to her about stuff so we're more clear about our feelings and stuff, and I still don't think I want to date her, but talking to D about it has made me less sure. 

 

Basically, I've been pretty sure I'm aro after thinking about my past romantic history, but because of heteronormativity, it's only ever been guys. I know I don't like guys, but how can I be sure I don't like girls either? I don't want to force myself to date her just to make sure, but I don't know how to be sure :/ . I can't tell whether heteronormativity is making me think I'm aro when I'm not or if amatonormativity is making me hold out hope that I might still like her. 

 

I'm just really confused right now :(

 

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1 hour ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

if you don't feel romantically towards her, then you don't feel romantically towards her. 

The trouble is knowing for sure if your feelings are romantic or not... I still get confused by this.

 

But I think if you're unsure... they're probably not romantic. Probably...

 

Anyways, I think all you can really do in this case is try to explain your feelings as best you can, and hope she understands. Or maybe talk about things that you might like to do together that don't include all the complications of actual "dating"... or something?

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I would spend time with them, and see how it's going. If you feel a romantic spark, go for it, if you don't, don't! Talk to them about it though if it doesn't seem to work out. I would just recommend trying stuff out, don't limit yourself because you think you are hetero or you think you are aro. Figure out what you are comfortable with, and go with that. This is about you, not an idea that you feel like you have to conform to one side or the other of. I still am doing my fair share of figuring myself out, and I'm still very confused with myself in general, so I can totally relate to your conflict here. Have fun discovering yourself. I believe in you! ✌

 

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I felt this way when I had a really confusing squish on my best friend. I knew for sure I didn't like guys, but how could I be sure I didn't like girls? She had already told me that it would never happen (in an unrelated conversation) and the feelings eventually passed.

 

Had I been in your situation I really don't know what I would've done.

 

Sorry this wasn't helpful at all 😅

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