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aromantic on a date


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so I have an aromantic friend who drops casually that they date and is going on a date and tbh I don't really have a sense of how they feel about dating. but they also said that they aren't looking for a partner right now, but just know some day they'll be with dudes, which was affirming for me to hear because I feel the same way except regarding chicks. 

 

so now because they're all freely dating with no apparent hesitation. I'm being all amatanormative and assuming that they must be secretly romantic and because I feel the same about "knowing" I'll be with a girl some day, I'm secretly romantic too D: although I dislike dating lol. but still. 

 

I guess this is just a silly rant where I'm questioning myself a bit, and feel kinda insecure, f' me. 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Dodgypotato said:

I thought dating was for finding a partner? I thought it was exclusively a romantic action?

The term "partner" need not imply "romantic partner".
Even some regular dictionaries say it can also be about sexual partnerships.
There are also terms like "friend date", "mate date", even "masturdate".
The vast majority of dating is more romantic coded than romantic anyway.
Maybe a "Queer Platonic date" should be called a "coconut"...

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I tried online dating recently and I found it pretty difficult. I made it very clear that I was an aro ace who's only interested in platonic relationships and friendships, I even made my profile invisible to straight people for good measure, and I talked to some awesome people who I got along with, but I got the vibe that they were fine with me being ace but needed me to have romantic feelings or give into a romantic relationship. Last night one of them even went on about sexual fluidity and how I could be Demi(romantic) and that's when I decided I'd had enough for a while.

 

Basically, I've decided that I need to keep my qpr scoping exclusively to people on the aro spectrum, who understand my discomfort with romantic relationships and my desire for a relationship anarchy type relationship, who won't try and fit me into their boxes.

 

I'm glad I gave it a go because I learnt that it wasn't for me, and that I don't feel the need to actively look for a qpr, that one day I'll find what I'm looking for.

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the confusing thing for me has often been that, well, I want to be with a person some day. but I really don't understand how that fits into the aromantic deal. and I don't know how I'd even get from where I am to that. I guess that it's more like, I want to have a good or close friend who is also a housemate/roomate? both for the practicality of the benefits of living and vacationing with the same person habitually, and also for the benefits of being good friends with your house mate. 

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On 10/1/2016 at 9:42 AM, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

the confusing thing for me has often been that, well, I want to be with a person some day. but I really don't understand how that fits into the aromantic deal. and I don't know how I'd even get from where I am to that. I guess that it's more like, I want to have a good or close friend who is also a housemate/roomate? both for the practicality of the benefits of living and vacationing with the same person habitually, and also for the benefits of being good friends with your house mate. 

 

I understand what you mean here exactly. I think using the term "dating" might not be quite right here. It's more like "hanging out" or "having dinner with a friend" or something. (Maybe?) :) 

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edit 3: er, maybe I should post this as a second post actually... 

 

edit: well it's not really like that. idk how to say it really. like, to call them my friend is fine. but if I'm in a situation where someone is asking me about how we relate together, where I would feel a need to say they are a friend, I would not say they are just a friend. I would say they are my companion most likely, or I might say they are my partner. and of course, in the point between them being a new friend and us deciding to be companions, at most points I would say they are just a friend without it being much of a big deal at all, lol. just, that once we sort of sit down and talk and say, hey, let's spend aspects of our life together, like partners sort of, at that point like. I would find it dismissive not to acknowledge them as my partner. 

 

edit 2: tbh I feel like I misinterpreted your question, phoenix, sorry... did I answer your inquiry? wait, you aren't asking a question. now I'm really confused. 

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You seem to be chasing your own tail there Kitty. :)

 

I think I understand what you're getting at. You want someone special in your life, just not necessarily a romantic partner. Someone you can depend on, and lend support for in return. Something like close roommates without all the romantic hooks.

 

Back to the original question, the definition of date is "a social or romantic appointment or engagement". Notice the or. You can remove romantic from the definition entirely. So, sure, you can go out on a date with a friend. :)

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