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Being Aro but not Ace


Josie
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This is going to be a pretty serious post because this is something that actually worries me. I am aromantic, but not asexual. I pretty much just discovered that i'm aro and I'm finding it a bit difficult to deal with the fact that I am not asexual. I am 17 years old and I have never had sex. The thing that kinda confuses/worries me is how I am going to have sex if I am not in a romantic relationship because I still want my first time to be with someone I care about and not just some random person. I just wanted to hear what you have to say about this. It would be great if someone with experience could tell me about how it was like for them.

 

Thank you. 

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I'm in a similar situation--I'm a romance-repulsed lithromantic, poly, and sexual. I don't know how repulsed you are to the idea of romance, but I personally am willing to negotiate being in a soft-romo relationship with a squish, or someone I am alterously attracted to.  

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21 minutes ago, omitef said:

I'm in a similar situation--I'm a romance-repulsed lithromantic, poly, and sexual. I don't know how repulsed you are to the idea of romance, but I personally am willing to negotiate being in a soft-romo relationship with a squish, or someone I am alterously attracted to.  

I'm not really sure if I'm romance-repulsed or not. I don't mind romantic relationships as long as im not involved and the idea of love is cute but I just don't think it's something for me. I feel like I could agree on being in a relationship with someone if they could understand that i am not going to fall in love with them.

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I didn't find out I was arospec until recently, but as an allosexual who's *cough30ishcough*, here's things about sex. 

 

Communication. It's the only way to clear consent. And I mean not just that you're not into romance, but what you like/want to do/shit I don't like that stop. Seriously, don't be shy. Especially when you're new. We're not born sex experts, we all have to learn, it's ok. 

Always use proper protection. Get regular sti checks. 

And never ever be afraid to say no. If it's not right, it's just not, and that's ok too. 

 

I have had "friends with benefits", but back before anyone was even talking about arospec anything, so.....heh. I mean, when you communicate and click with someone sexually, it's nice, but it probably won't be your first, or even your fifth. Or it could be. There's no way to know. Just be open with yourself and your partner(s), and stay safe. 

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For me I first notice my aroness after having sex.

 

I had sex with a couple of people before that and I think its been very different depending on person to person

 

I think in some way being young can have its advantages, because sure some "want to find the right person to have there special moment with" (urg..) but there are also many who simple just want to experiment with their sexuality, or get more experience or try it out, some also want to do it until they get into a relationship and you arnt expected to settle down the same way as when you are 30th. 

 

it sure all depends on person to person and what reason they have. I think you should defintly try to avoid the people who is having romantic feelings for you, or who is "waiting for the right one" or cant seperate sex and romantic feelings. 

 

I am actually not sure how I started being sexual with the people I was sexual with when speaking of my friends? but I think its goes down to me being a perv (like so many of my friends) and pretty open to the topic of sex, and when it arnt really a taboo then it somehow becomes more easy to talk about, and also more easy to flirt around. 

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  • 11 months later...
On 27/09/2016 at 3:27 AM, Josie said:

I still want my first time to be with someone I care about

I have heard about several people who decide to have sex for the first time with a close friend, but I have only heard of this happening in high school/college/university aged populations. Obviously the friend also has to agree, but because of a previous stable friendship and the decision not coming from a very emotional place there is generally no residual romantic feeling afterwards.

Obviously this is not my personal experience but some people have done this thing successfully.  

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