lotsoflove Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 Been considering my identity for a while and starting to think I may be aromantic but not asexual. I have never had sex and don't feel a strong desire to have sex with another person, but I have a relatively high sex drive by myself (less so since starting antidepressants, but I still masturbate a few times a week as opposed to every day like I used to). I enjoy sexual fantasies and feel aroused by them, and I experience sexual attraction, but exclusively for celebs/fictional characters/teachers/basically anyone decidedly unattainable. I've never felt it for a peer or a friend. Part of me is wondering if this is my aromanticism causing this - I crave sex and sexual release and love the pleasure of exploring that by myself, but since I don't crave romance, I don't have much desire to share those things with another person - I'm just as happy to have that pleasure by myself. Had anyone experienced similar feelings? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted June 13, 2023 Share Posted June 13, 2023 I've had somewhat similar feeling. I'm very sex positive and I like masturbating. I've been feeling like I would like to have sex but in reality I don't have any person I would like to have sex with. Not even celebrities so that's different from you. I can feel arousal when I look at a beautiful person but it's not really connected to wanting to do anything sexual with them. Whenever I fantasize about sex with someone it's just nameless faceless person. When I masturbate I don't think about anyone, it's more like yoga for me, just focusing on the sensations and breathing. I asked about this on aven and got some helpful response there. The repliers said that libido and sexual attraction are different things. If I feel sexual arousal but don't experience the desire to have sex then asexual fits as a definition for that experience. So nowdays I identify as a sex favorable asexual. It would be nice if I someday meet someone I want to have sex with but it's not my priority so I don't take any steps currently to try to make it happen, like dating. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 (edited) I experience the same thing of my aromanticism mixing with how I experience sexual interest. I'm not asexual since I've experienced sexual attraction to people, though I tend to be attracted to unattainable people as well; fictional characters, sometimes complete strangers, celebrities, etc. Most of this has to do with me being aro than with my sexuality. I've actually never done anything to please myself since I never felt the need to/interest for it, but I also never felt the need to want to do anything sexual with anyone else no matter the gender. I kind of just sit there feeling attracted, might even fantasize, but because of my lack of romantic attraction and my decreasing alterous attraction at that, it causes me to not even want to bother with anyone sexually and I kind of just don't want to either. Edited June 18, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jot-Aro Kujo Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Do I feel like being aro affects my sexual interests and lifestyle? Yes. Do I feel like it impacts my allosexuality? No. As others have pointed out, it’s entirely possible for asexual folks to have a libido/sex drive, or to enjoy sex. Being allosexual means experiencing sexual attraction- That is, the specific desire to engage in sexual activities with particular individuals. I certainly experience this, and not just towards fictional characters (although if Marisa Streetfighter were real, the things I’d do for her…) If I’m being honest, I don’t think you’re allosexual. Everything you’ve described sounds like sex-favorable asexuality to me. The allo aro community is certainly friendly to our sex-favorable ace siblings, but they’re fundamentally different experiences, and that’s ok! That being said, you know yourself best. It’s not my place to try to tell you definitively what you are or aren’t; I’m just giving my two cents. But I can tell you all the allo aros I know identify as such because they do experience general sexual attraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 On 6/13/2023 at 1:42 AM, lotsoflove said: Been considering my identity for a while and starting to think I may be aromantic but not asexual. I have never had sex and don't feel a strong desire to have sex with another person, but I have a relatively high sex drive by myself (less so since starting antidepressants, but I still masturbate a few times a week as opposed to every day like I used to). I enjoy sexual fantasies and feel aroused by them, and I experience sexual attraction, but exclusively for celebs/fictional characters/teachers/basically anyone decidedly unattainable. I've never felt it for a peer or a friend. Part of me is wondering if this is my aromanticism causing this - I crave sex and sexual release and love the pleasure of exploring that by myself, but since I don't crave romance, I don't have much desire to share those things with another person - I'm just as happy to have that pleasure by myself. Had anyone experienced similar feelings? Mostly yes. Sex just sounds overall not that fun but the idea does. I’m exactly the same way for like 90% of that minus the desire for that and experiencing that at all. Irl I’ve never felt that towards peers or friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AromanticAardvark Posted July 15, 2023 Share Posted July 15, 2023 For me, I think my allosexuality has affected my sexual desire in that I've started to notice an irrational fear that my allosexuality is somehow immoral or predatory because it's not tempered by romantic attraction, which has caused me to try and (somewhat fail to) repress it. Though I'm not sure if that really counts as being because of my aromantic allosexuality or just internal homophobia. Either way, I don't think it will affect me in the long run. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 On 6/13/2023 at 4:22 AM, Holmbo said: I've had somewhat similar feeling. I'm very sex positive and I like masturbating. I've been feeling like I would like to have sex but in reality I don't have any person I would like to have sex with. Not even celebrities so that's different from you. I can feel arousal when I look at a beautiful person but it's not really connected to wanting to do anything sexual with them. Whenever I fantasize about sex with someone it's just nameless faceless person. When I masturbate I don't think about anyone, it's more like yoga for me, just focusing on the sensations and breathing. I asked about this on aven and got some helpful response there. The repliers said that libido and sexual attraction are different things. If I feel sexual arousal but don't experience the desire to have sex then asexual fits as a definition for that experience. So nowdays I identify as a sex favorable asexual. It would be nice if I someday meet someone I want to have sex with but it's not my priority so I don't take any steps currently to try to make it happen, like dating. Same here. I’m aroused by people sometimes and want to look at them but when I imagine doing that thing, or wonder if I would if I was in a room with them, I kinda skirt past the actual thing, and it’s never first person fantasies either. Though a high libido always messes with how sure I am, yet I’ve never looked at a person and thought that I want to actually do anything. It was never about that, and self pleasure is all I need anyway. Besides I don’t view that as something I’d look for irl from a person either. I don’t want that in any kind of relationship and with anyone decidedly attainable, have never wanted that. I remember learning about aromanticism before and thinking about friends with benefits as sounding nice, then I realized what that was and thought “who would do that with someone they know?!” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 On 7/14/2023 at 11:56 PM, AromanticAardvark said: For me, I think my allosexuality has affected my sexual desire in that I've started to notice an irrational fear that my allosexuality is somehow immoral or predatory because it's not tempered by romantic attraction, which has caused me to try and (somewhat fail to) repress it. Though I'm not sure if that really counts as being because of my aromantic allosexuality or just internal homophobia. Either way, I don't think it will affect me in the long run. I kind of get that. Not that I've thought my allosexuality is predatory, but often times I feel like I shouldn't think about it and most often than not I actually don't think about my sexuality at all. Maybe this has to do with the fact that my sexuality feels "normal" to me now, and is the "eldest" identity I've realized about myself, but, I'm wondering if me not thinking about it and even forgetting I can experience sexual attraction has to do with something else, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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