frittatacrisis Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 (edited) hiya! you can call me li. a little bit about me: i love and always have loved music. listening, singing, playing instruments, and even writing/producing music. it's a universal language. and it has the capability to make people feel things. i love writing and reading, too. i've found that poetry (as well as songwriting, because those are so very similar) is a really good outlet for my creativity. for the past two years i've been a student correspondent for my local newspaper. i used to say that my favourite hobby was drawing. i haven't done it in a while, though, except for the doodles i create on my arm / hands during school. i once drew a butterfly on my hand and was told that it looked like a real tattoo. i want to get a tattoo someday - preferably of butterflies or something botanical/astronomy related. my favourite colour is green. specifically the shade phthalo. my favourite season is autumn, but mostly because of the good vibes (sweaters, tea, hot cider, crisp air, gilmore girls, etc.). alice oseman's heartstopper series (both the webcomics and the netflix adaption) has taken a hold of my heart more than any other media else has. i am an adopted only child, and i have a labradoodle named briscoe. i am a fan of pineapple on pizza. i have an irrational fear of thomas the train. i am the happiest when i am wearing a sweater and my pastel pink high-top converse. i believe that everyone is a little dehydrated and that everyone, no matter who you are, could benefit from therapy. i am a daughter. i am a cousin. i am a friend. i am trying to work on accepting the fact that being uncertain is okay. i am a human that is trying her best to develop a better understanding of myself and the people and world around me. pertaining to my questioning: i am seventeen years old as of this past december, and i've been questioning my sexual / romantic orientation for a little over a year now. i thought i was biromantic demisexual, but lately, that hasn't felt accurate. very recently, one of my close friends and i tried out a relationship. however, it only resulted in a large amount of stress and tension, and eventually, we decided to call it off. i had expected to be sad. but i wasn't. both of us were left with an overwhelming sense of relief and peace. i, for one, had just wanted what was best for him. he has been questioning his own orientation for a while, and i think that he's finally figuring himself out. and i couldn't be happier for him. but i was left wondering why, out of every emotion i could have been experiencing, why peace? i think i almost knew that it was headed there (a break up, for lack of a better term), but still, i had expected to be upset about it. or angry or something. but i wasn't. and in those moments after we had called off the relationship, i wondered: had i ever actually had romantic feelings in the first place? i knew i loved him. i still do love him. but i don't think it's anything past platonic love. i've never given much credit to the idea of soulmates, but if i have one, i think it's him. we understand each other. he knows me better than anyone else. i think that it may be the closest i'll ever be to experiencing romantic feelings. and i need to keep reminding myself that the fact that those feelings aren't romantic doesn't invalidate the love that exists between him and i. that was my second relationship. the first had ended quite abruptly due to circumstances. but looking back on it, i don't think that i ever actually had romantic feelings; i think that i saw the potential that the person was interested in me. part of my brain is telling me that i was just allured by the possibility that someone was attracted to me more than platonically. but another part - an anxious part - is telling me that i am just making it up. there's a weird dichotomy in my head between aromantacism and what i've been taught is supposed to be "normal." i know it's not true, but i have convinced myself that if i am in fact aromantic, i am broken and destined for inevitable loneliness. my home environment is not one in which i can truly express myself; my parents don't support lgbtqia+. and i think that this contributes to the denial that i am experiencing. i also don't want to entertain the idea that i might not have the capability of being in love. because i love love. i love to love people. i want my friends to realize how deserving they are of love. i want to love. i don't think i could differentiate between platonic and romantic feelings to save my life. and i don't know if i have ever actually experienced romantic feelings. i love all of my friends. i love them in a way that is indescribable; words can't do it justice. i want to know them as best as i can. i want to understand them and to forge deep connections. but loving and being in love are two completely different things. and i don't know if i am capable of being in love. i keep going in circles. between self doubt and denial and paranoia and anxiety. but i always come back to where i started. i think i am aromantic. and it's so wonderful and awful at the same time. having this knowledge makes everything make more sense: the past, the present, my understanding of myself, etc. but i'm also confused. i know that romantic love isn't the only type of love. not by a long shot. but it almost seems as if society has placed it on a pedestal. as if to say that it's elevated or "better." which is untrue. so i think for me... right now my biggest obstacle is overcoming a feeling of inadequacy. that's why i joined this forum. i hope that this helps me in my journey and my understanding of myself. but also that, eventually, i am able to help others in theirs. a reminder for myself: it's not as if i am not able to love. i am not broken. i do love. overwhelmingly so. just in my own way. Edited March 6 by frittatacrisis changing what i go by on this forum :) 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rather be Reading Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Hello and welcome! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 (edited) hey! btw I love your essay, it is beautiful. I love music too. Edited March 5 by alto 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 (edited) 6 hours ago, Rather be Reading said: Hello and welcome! hi! thank you :) i love your username. because same, tbh. 5 hours ago, alto said: hey! btw I love your essay, it is beautiful. I love music too. hello! thank you :D when i’m writing words just kind of flow. i like to call it word vomit. what kind of music do you like? Edited March 5 by frittatacrisis 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemogoblin Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Welcome! I had to stop by because I love your username and wanted to let you know. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatistheromance Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 hello welcome to internet message board number 2347134 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7sev Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 welcum to the club 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Welcome 💃 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the more the merrier Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Welcome, j! 🍁 15 hours ago, frittatacrisis said: i think i am aromantic. and it's so wonderful and awful at the same time. having this knowledge makes everything make more sense: the past, the present, my understanding of myself, etc. but i'm also confused. Thank you so much for your essay and for expressing yourself in such a lovely way! 16 hours ago, frittatacrisis said: i love and always have loved music. listening, singing, playing instruments, and even writing/producing music. it's a universal language. and it has the capability to make people feel things. i love writing and reading, too. i've found that poetry (as well as songwriting, because those are so very similar) is a really good outlet for my creativity. for the past two years i've been a student correspondent for my local newspaper. Which instruments do you play? How have you found your brush with journalism so far? Which ideas or thoughts do you like to touch on in your songwriting? Your username is so brilliant! Perhaps you and @CrisisApple can team up to become sweet-and-savoury heroes - two peas-in-a-pod (on the beet) solving culinary crises in this jam-packed world of ours. 16 hours ago, frittatacrisis said: my favourite colour is green. specifically the shade phthalo. Wow! Thank you for this new word! Such a gorgeous shade! Here's hoping that you may find many of the answers you seek! May you love your time here! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 9 hours ago, hemogoblin said: Welcome! I had to stop by because I love your username and wanted to let you know. thank you! i came up with it when i was regularly doing buzzfeed quizparties; it’s the exact character limit :> 9 hours ago, whatistheromance said: hello welcome to internet message board number 2347134 thanks! :) 9 hours ago, mivoei said: welcum to the club gracias, i’m very happy to have found this forum! :D 2 hours ago, Keith said: Welcome 💃 thank you! 🕺 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 37 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Welcome, j! 🍁 hello! 37 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Thank you so much for your essay and for expressing yourself in such a lovely way! thank you for the compliments. i love to write, especially when it’s in a way that utilizes my inner monologue, if you will. i find it a lot easier to write, as well as read because it just flows like normal thought. 38 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Which instruments do you play? i took piano lessons for ten years, eventually stopped, and actually started teaching about two years ago! it’s been an interesting experience to say the least, and i think i can understand the adage “the best way to learn is to teach.” i am self taught in guitar and ukulele. these three i love immensely. i have dabbled in violin and mandolin, but not really gotten very far. i discovered in middle school that i cannot for the life of me play woodwind or brass instruments. although, i can play recorder, harmonica, and kazoo! :P 38 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: How have you found your brush with journalism so far? journaling has been a positive experience for me so far! even though i’ve been doing it for a while, i definitely haven’t been as immersed in the world of journalism as i could be. there are deadlines, but not assignments; only the ones that you propose, so it’s very self-regulated. lately i haven’t had much time or energy to put into just sitting down and writing, but the projects / articles i have done have all been enjoyable! 40 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Which ideas or thoughts do you like to touch on in your songwriting? nearly all of my songs are based off of or loosely inspired by things that have happened in my life or feelings that i’ve experienced. then there are those few that i just conjured up from i-don’t-know-where :> i’ve been wanting to record and release an ep for a while now, so maybe as school begins to come to an end i can try my hand at that! i actually have a music instagram account on which i post covers. it’s a little blended with my personal life but not overly, so i’m not sure if i should share it on this forum. 42 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Your username is so brilliant! Perhaps you and @CrisisApple can team up to become sweet-and-savoury heroes - two peas-in-a-pod (on the beet) solving culinary crises in this jam-packed world of ours. i’m glad that so many people have found my username entertaining, and i would love nothing more than to become buddies with @CrisisApple! i sense the potential for unstoppable greatness… XD 43 minutes ago, the more the merrier said: Here's hoping that you may find many of the answers you seek! May you love your time here! i sincerely appreciate your response and questions! i’m glad that everyone has been so welcoming. thank you so much, and hopefully we’ll be seeing each other around! :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasicallyEmoPotato Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 (edited) it feels so nice to meet another person HAIII ALSO I hope you enjoy this forum and come to terms with your identity. also, just sort of a personal question, did you sort of go into a flow of thoughts while writing the essay on how you believe you are aromantic? of that makes sense? like you just sort of let the thoughts flow into your hands? and bro ur essay is amazing. i just want you to know that you are no alone in your struggles. also have you ever read loveless by alice oseman? Edited March 6 by BasicallyEmoPotato 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 6 Author Share Posted March 6 1 hour ago, BasicallyEmoPotato said: it feels so nice to meet another person HAIII ALSO I hope you enjoy this forum and come to terms with your identity. also, just sort of a personal question, did you sort of go into a flow of thoughts while writing the essay on how you believe you are aromantic? of that makes sense? like you just sort of let the thoughts flow into your hands? and bro ur essay is amazing. i just want you to know that you are no alone in your struggles. also have you ever read loveless by alice oseman? haiii!!! i've definitely already begun to enjoy this forum. thank you for your reply to my intro! :> i did not expect my thoughts to become that many words. but yes, i did just let them flow out. when i write, it's kind of just a transcription of my inner monologue. this one in particular wasn't intended to be an essay of any sort, but it definitely became kind of like one (length-wise). thank you so much for both your compliments and your empathy. i've never been a part of online forums (except for a few discord servers), so it's pretty new. but i'm very very glad to be able to have conversations / interactions with people. especially since we all, in a way, share each others' experiences. no, i have not read loveless! but it's been on my tbr for a loooong time. i love alice, though. can't wait for season two of heartstopper! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 23 hours ago, frittatacrisis said: what kind of music do you like? Anything but classical and jazz ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 6 Author Share Posted March 6 1 minute ago, alto said: Anything but classical and jazz ;) ooh, interesting... i've kind of become a fan of jazz because of my chemistry teacher. as for classical, when i took piano lessons, i was required to play lots of classical pieces. i didn't particularly love them. there are a select few that i really like still. (pretty much anything by edvard greig i like. my favourite piano piece, though is "fantastic dance no. 1" by dmtri shostakovich.) aside from those genres though, i'm definitely a swiftie. one of my friends actually managed to snag us tickets to the eras tour in july! i don't know how i'd describe the rest of my music taste. it's kind of all over the place. i listen to a lot of stuff, but tend to stay away from rap or metal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 If you want a better appreciation of rap, I recommend THE HIP HOP WARS by...I think her name is Tricia Rose. Completely destroys the arguments both for and against hip hop. Great book. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 On 3/4/2023 at 4:07 PM, frittatacrisis said: but another part - an anxious part - is telling me that i am just making it up I struggled a lot of this when I was questioning. A few things helped me. 1) it doesn't hurt anyone to use the label and be wrong. If it's useful now, use it now. You can always discard it later. 2) labels aren't meant to be boxes that perfectly contain all of your experiences ever. You don't have to relate to every experience any aromantic person has ever had to be aromantic, and you can have experiences that don't perfectly map onto the dictionary definition of aromanticism and be aromantic. 3) if you were making it all up, you would know. It would be a conscious choice. I also spent a while using "aro-spec" because that was more comfortable. I don't really have much else to add. You hit the nail on the head a lot there, and I absolutely see myself in some of you experiences. If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer regarding my journey, and what I know from others. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frittatacrisis Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 16 hours ago, alto said: If you want a better appreciation of rap, I recommend THE HIP HOP WARS by...I think her name is Tricia Rose. Completely destroys the arguments both for and against hip hop. Great book. alright, i’ll be sure to check that out! i do enjoy learning about things in order to gain an appreciation. thank you for the suggestion :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasicallyEmoPotato Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 On 3/5/2023 at 11:52 PM, frittatacrisis said: no, i have not read loveless! but it's been on my tbr for a loooong time. i love alice, though. can't wait for season two of heartstopper! Well, when or if you get the time to read it, it's amazing :))) On 3/5/2023 at 11:58 PM, frittatacrisis said: aside from those genres though, i'm definitely a swiftie. one of my friends actually managed to snag us tickets to the eras tour in july! my older sister is a Swiftie as well lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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