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harms of allomanticism


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hi! i need to do a speech for my english class, and i've decided to do it on the harms of allomanticism! tricky topic, but i can talk about it for days! i was just wondering if any of you have any good topic points i should bring up in my speech, or any facts that would work well with my topic? honestly anything that could work that relates to my topic! 

i'll be grateful for anything, so go crazy!

(p.s happy pride month!) 

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Just as a little reminder- The term is alloromanticism, not allomanticism. Allo-romanticism. Easy to misread, so I don't blame you for getting it mixed up, but important to know for a speech, so I thought I'd bring it up! Good luck!

Honestly though, I wouldn't say there's anything inherently harmful about alloromanticism. Being attracted to someone is a beautiful thing, just as much as not being attracted to people is as well. Note also that historically many people have been oppressed for their romantic attraction, including queer people and people of color (did you know that in the U.S., interracial romances were illegal until 1967?) As a bisexual I'd certainly feel uncomfortable if someone tried to talk about "the harms of allosexuality", so it's probably not great to talk about the "harms of alloromanticism", either.

The thing that's harmful is the way society treats romance. The term for that is amatonormativity. Amato-normativity. This term was coined by Professor Elizabeth Brake in her book Minimizing Marriage. I'd highly recommend researching this topic, as there's been a lot of discussion about it both within and without the aro community over the years.

Edited by Jot-Aro Kujo
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18 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Just as a little reminder- The term is alloromanticism, not allomanticism. 

The thing that's harmful is the way society treats romance. The term for that is amatonormativity. Amato-normativity. This term was coined by Professor Elizabeth Brake in her book Minimizing Marriage. I'd highly recommend researching this topic, as there's been a lot of discussion about it both within and without the aro community over the years.

i always spell it wrong, oops! thanks for the actual spelling, i can never find it anywhere.

thanks for your topic, i'll look into it, sounds great! for my speech, im going to mostly focus on the way humans love and how that can bring issues, and amatonormativity will be a big subject! (thanks for the spelling again btw!) thanks again! :D

 

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I think you are more thinking of amatonormativity. Alloromanticism is just being alloro, whereas amatonormantivity is the assumption that everyone wants and is looking for a relationship, and the subsequent societal effects. Some resulting issues from that I can think of are:

Pressure to be in a relationship causing people to not leave toxic situations.

People being seen/seeing themselves as less than for not wanting a relationship.

Exploiting the idea of love to gaslight and manipulate people.

Exclusion, bigotry, etc. towards arospec people.

Attempts to deem who is “worthy” of love (and then all kinds of bigotry from that).

The list goes on, as you said. As for specific statistics and facts, I would look into why people stay in unhealthy relationships and scholarly writings on amatonormativity.

Final advice, don’t sugarcoat anything. Allos can get very defensive when their mindsets about love are challenged, so it’s best to be blunt from the get-go.

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Agreeing with the others that you should do your talk on amatonormativity rather than alloromanticism itself. There's nothing harmful about being alloro, and issues that crop up in romantic relationships can also crop up in platonic ones.

Plus amatonormativity can create difficulties for everyone, not just aros, which will give you more to talk about and help you connect with your (presumably majority alloro) audience.

Edited by Apex
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The majority view is that alloromanticism is not inherently harmful, only amatonormativity.

But we could also say that while "there's nothing harmful about being attracted to another person" is true, this description is overly idealized and ignores the peculiar features that make romantic attraction actually romantic - of which some are problematic.

Either way, we must recognize that alloromanticism is also an important source of happiness for many people.

Sure, "who does nothing, does nothing wrong". And aros likely do nothing, romantically, and do not even miss it, mostly. So criticism from such a perspective seems really easy. But it will not achieve anything and make others feel confirmed in their stereotypes about aros. Short version: A speech about "the harms of alloromanticism" is not a good idea.

Edited by DeltaV
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THe way I see it, it's a simple human drive. Like being hungry, or sleepy. It's just a drive a few of us lack. For those that do have it, it can be harmful insofar as one can make bad decisions concerning it. As for when people do make poor romantic decisions, there's nothing I can say that can't be found out consulting some good psychology sources on the subject.

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