Social/platonic orientation

[DaviM703]

I think stuff related to this has been talked about more here than in most places, but I've realized social orientation/platonic orientation is barely known in the general population or academic literature. My experience strongly suggests that it is a real thing that may be innate in a similar way to sexual or romantic orientation, as I was always more inclined to make friends with girls than boys from when I first started getting to know classmates and, though I once was best friends with one boy for three years because he became a lot more interested in me than any girl was, likely due to most people around me being primarily homosocial and thinking I was a boy. Does anyone else have experience of always feeling more drawn to one gender or one side of the gender spectrum for making friends? And if so, do you think it is innate in a similar way to sexual/romantic orientation?

[alto]

I am inclined to make friends with boys, yes I think it is innate.

[aro_elise]

not at all, i don't notice gender when it comes to platonic stuff.  i mean, in the same way people say "i don't see race"; obviously you notice--what you mean is it has no effect on how you feel about someone.  there's never been a noticeably more prevalent gender in my friends or squishes, except maybe in like primary school when it was more common to socialize with your own gender outside of class, but that's a societal thing.  my best friend is a woman but there was a 50% chance of that, again probably more since we met when we were very young.   i don't get the whole, like, "girls' night" thing, i don't get why bachelor/bachelorette parties/showers are gender-specific (obviously i won't be having one but hypothetically i'd invite all my friends...i guess the thing is straight people don't want to see strippers of their own gender lol but anyway).  i don't talk about different things with women, except maybe feminism, just as i talk to you guys about aromanticism, or any number of other examples; there are certain people you can have more galaxy brain discussions with.  but the only way i'm drawn to a certain gender is sexually, and that's inconsequential to how i feel about them as a person.

[Mark]

The term "Social/platonic orientation" is likely conflating, at least, two different things.

Outside of aro (and possibly ace) spaces nobody talks about "platonic attraction". When it is mentioned it's more about squishes, QPRs, etc. Not infrequently lionising romanticising these, as well as assuming that aromantic implies alloplatonic. (The only platonic orientation which tends to ever actually be mentioned is aplatonic, however.)

When it comes to mainstream psychology attraction tends to be broken down into Sexual, Romantic, Physical/Sensual, Emotional, Aesthetic and (sometimes) Intellectual. Whilst Emotional might also be described as Social it's applicable to non-platonic relationships, such as romantic and familial, as much as to platonic ones.

[nonmerci]

As an aplatonic I can't relate.

I happen to have befriended more girls than boys, but not because I feel more drawn to them. It is just that I have more interests with the girls I met than with the boys, or we get along more.

 

Now I've heard that with oriented aroace  the platonic attraction is often the one that gives the "oriented" part, and I suppose it is important for some alloaros so you are not alone with this. 

Edited May 2 by nonmerci

[alto]

Platonic attraction is important to me, but I don't feel the need to "orient" it.  I just feel that opens up a can of worms.