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Therapy for aromanticism?


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I recently kind of accepted" I was aro, which was really tough because I was really sad I couldn't experience the hype (never felt a crush before or any romantic attraction). But I also happened to see a therapist and brought up me not being able to romantically attract to someone, and they said something about being scared of commitment. I'm pretty sure at this point I'm not Allo, but if there's a chance I could feel that romantic attraction shouldn't I see if its something I can do through therapy? I really have no idea.

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I mean, do you want to? Consider also: Would it be appropriate for them to say that to a gay person? Cause like, if you genuinely feel that you want romance in your life but there are things holding you back from it, fine. But trying to change your orientation through therapy for no good reason whatsoever... I mean, that's called conversion therapy, it rarely succeeds and often leads to anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and high risk of suicide. It's illegal to put minors through conversion therapy in 20 U.S. states.

So like, ultimately it's up to you, but... Definitely take a good, long, hard look at what it is you want.

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Go through with if you think it will help you, but no pressure to do that.

However I will say I am quite sceptical of how often guys are told our problems are due to fear. Fear of commitment or fear of rejection seem to be incredibly common as ways to explain a man's unwillingness to get into this acceptable long  term romantic relationship. There is a part of me that thinks this comes up so often not because it is true but because it plays on our ideas of masculinity, so our percieved failings in getting this relationship are deemed to come from a failing in masculinity (not showing courage).

Before you decide I think you should really try to work out whether your experience with romance is reasonably described by being scared  of something, because from what you have said about not experiencing crushes I would doubt that. (oh I was so afraid so I didn't get crushes???). As you might expect, if the problem is not due to fear then no amount of therapy to stop you from being scared of commitment is going to change that.

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Absolutely agree with the replies here, & definitely worth asking the therapist if they 'believe' in aromanticsm entirely. 'Scared of commitment' is so much of a stereotype for men & it's just so much more complex than that.

I would also add: how are your other relationships? Your friends & family? Are you committed to them? Plenty of people have partners that don't fit the traditional mould - & commitment issues (often based insecurity as I understand it) generally affect other areas of your life as well. Is it feasible that some undefinable unknown trigger caused 'commitment issues' so severe that you doubt you even have the smallest of crushes but are otherwise comfortable in your sexuality & other relationships?

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I'd say before doing anything, you should ask yourself if you really don't have crushes, or if you fear commitment.

Some people just don't believe aromanticism exists, or thinks that most of us just have a problem with how we form of our relationships. Therapists are not immune to that, so I think it is best to have a good introspection to know what you really feel, before engaging into such a discussion.

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