"The One"

[alto]

Does anyone else here think that the concept of "the one" is pure bullshit?  I mean, I have never assumed that there is one person out there that is a perfect match for me.  Instead, I think that there are a lot of people out there that could be compatible for me if I was willing to do some relationship stretches, and if they were willing to do some as well.  I think this is a far more hopeful way of looking at things than the narrative pushed by our culture.

I remember I was once talking with my friend Eli about the concept of a soul mate.  He said that he defines soul mate as the person that you are destined to be with.  I personally define soul mate as someone who is so much like you that it is a bit scary.  I don't know if we look at things differently because I am aro (or at least gray-aro), but I thought that was interesting.

[eye]

I agree completely. Though I think the concept of soulmates arose from Religious beliefs so it would be difficult to reason with them on it. You can be so alike with one person that it sort of becomes "too much". Where there is very little room to grow because there are no differing opinions or interests. But yeah, I think thinking that you only have "the one" can be and is very harmful to people. Where they worry "Oh my, was I wrong? Did I break up with "the one"? Then there is a higher likelihood for them to fall back into unhealthy relationships due to fear of losing "the one". I think it also has the possibility of pushing people to be serial daters. "Oh I clicked with them but I don't feel they are special enough to be my "one". Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, have some Internet Garlic Bread?.

[roboticanary]

Absolutely. I remember thinking it was bullshit long before I had heard about aromanticism.

I remember listening to this song and thinking that was a much better idea of love than any soulmate.

The other mocking of soulmates that I remember was about the greatest lovers in the discworld, which I've managed to hunt down again:

“*The disc's greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina, whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of History if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents. However, the gods took pity on them and turned him into an ironing board** and her into a small brass bollard.

**When you're a god, you don't have to have reasons.”

I also find it interesting that while soulmate sounds sort of religious it really doesn't tie up with what the more religious people I know think about love. They are much more on the side of saying God doesn't micromanage your life and that the freedom to make moral choices (which would include who to spend your life with and how) is fundamental to their beliefs. So rather than soulmates you have a moral choice of who to marry where some choices are bad, but there is more than one person in the entire world to make it work.

So I'm not even sure how the idea came about.

[nonmerci]

10 hours ago, roboticanary said:

So I'm not even sure how the idea came about.

Don't know if it originally comes from here, but Plato write that at first humans were "doubled" (we all have two heads, four hand,  etc). Then Zeus get mad and decided to cut all humans in two. And so love is when we are looking for our second half. Litterally.

 

I also heard reincarnation  theories that says soulmates are souls that are used to reincarnate together life after life, and so they recognize each other and get along more easily (or hate themselves more easily). And then you the same for romantic love but with another name (I don't know in English). So maybe society only kept the notion for romantic love and call that soulmates, ignoring the platonic relationships (as always).

[Nessa]

I don't think there is the one, this is ridiculous to me especially as I see the rate of divorce nowadays. Does this means that all people who divorced got wrong thinking that the person who they were married to was the one?? Because that makes a lot of people!!!! and a lot of them get married a second time or just are in a serious relationship after that. so what? they have 2 "the one" ? The one is not supposed to be the one you spend the rest of your life with????

I don't think soulmate is related to romance, a friend, a parent can be your soulmate, it can be platonic love too between 2 soulmates.

Did you never met someone and thought how weird it is that you have so much in common or feel confortable with them even if you barely know them?O someone you don't see very often but when you do it is like you saw her the day before but it was 2 years ago instaed.  That would be a soulmate to me, even if they don't stay our entire life by our side but just a while. I think we can even have several soulmates of this kind. People who come into our lives to help us, be there for us when we need them, who help us growing as a person, teach us something we have to learn to keep going on the path of our lives,...

Well that how I see things anyway I know a lot of people won't agree with me but I don't mind, we are all free to have our own beliefs ?