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Relationship survey - on a scale of 1 to 10 how severe was what my wife did

Guest preferNotToSay


Guest preferNotToSay

Been happily and stably married for 12 years and it's been as normal as it gets. 

Last week, I tried to call my wife in the late afternoon and she was unusually unavailable. My pings on WhatsApp were answered only partially and after some delay. After a while, at 7pm she calls and I asked if she's just now getting off from work, she said yes and that it was a busy day. I don't know why but something felt insincere. Later she comes home and starts a whole charade about how busy her day was and that she has no time for herself between work, kids, life etc. 

Later that evening I opened our joint banking app and saw there were several transactions that day, payment for my wife's workplace parking lot at 450pm and two transactions at her favorite mall (fashion and clothing businesses). I was shocked to learn she actually left work on the earlier side and lied to me about her whereabouts... 

I was deeply shocked as this was the first time I caught her at such a lie (or any lie really). 

When I confronted her she admitted she lied and that she was alone (I believe her) and the reason that she did this was that she was embarrassed that she took time for herself in the middle of the week while others had to look after our kids. She apologized and said that was utterly wrong. 

Nonetheless I've been occupied with really strange feelings since (anger, sadness, disappointment, when else did she lie) so was curious to get a reality check whether I am overacting here or not and was intrigued to post this anonymous survey:

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is red-handed-cheating and 1 is an OK-white-lie where would you put this incident with my wife? 



*first time I am posting here so hoping for a friendly audience!

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So this is a website for people who DON'T (or at least, rarely) experience romantic attraction. This really isn't a "fix my relationship problems" site.

That being said: Babe why you gotta know your wife's whereabouts all the time? Fuckin what, she needs your holy permission to go to the fuckin mall? Yeah, maybe she shouldn't have lied, but YOU need to think about why she felt the need to hide something as simple as going to the mall from you. If you can't handle your wife doing things on her own sometimes, y'all oughta get a divorce.

Edited by Jot-Aro Kujo
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I can't answer because I don't think with scales.

For me, what is important is both what she did and the reasons why she did it. You could discuss what happened, and defining if the trust is broken between you or not. Then, work on the reasons it happened, because there seem to have deeper reasons from what you say.

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Going off nonmercis point, I would also encourage for you to talk with her about how she is feeling. 

It seems to me that your wife is desperate for some alone time. I would encourage her to have some since she seems very stressed out and over burdened.

Maybe help her find some ways to have enjoyable recreation time.

I think it was just a 2, because she already seemed a little desperate, stressed, and frazzled. If you talked to her about how she was feeling, she would probably appreciate that. The reason she could have lied is she didn’t want to appear stressed and wanted you to think she has been fine. Remind her that we all need some time to decompress and its fine for her to be open with you about it. That you won’t see her as any less for wanting time for herself and feeling stressed.

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