Anyone else mistake obsession as romantic attraction?

[Unikitty]

For a while I was having a hard time even calling myself aromantic because I thought did feel romantic love for people I dated. But looking back at it, it was not love at all. It was just obsession and attachment issues. I know some people say obsession can be a sign of romantic attraction, but I believe my obsession was not healthy or romantic at all. Unfortunately I would be extremely clingy and basically want to be conjoined with someone I "dated". Romance as a concept is something I struggled with a lot as well. Romance used to make me incredibly angry. My exes also weren't great which didn't help either.

I would not be a good romantic partner at all and I've accepted that. Even looking at examples of romantic love I don't think I relate a lot. I have a lot of love but it's just not romantic I guess. If I were to describe my attraction it feels like a weak signal that's just not connecting. I am just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience? Sorry this kind of turned into a ramble

[blueberrydragon]

On 12/8/2021 at 5:47 PM, Unikitty said:

For a while I was having a hard time even calling myself aromantic because I thought did feel romantic love for people I dated. But looking back at it, it was not love at all. It was just obsession and attachment issues. I know some people say obsession can be a sign of romantic attraction, but I believe my obsession was not healthy or romantic at all. Unfortunately I would be extremely clingy and basically want to be conjoined with someone I "dated". Romance as a concept is something I struggled with a lot as well.

I really relate to this, I think for me it was because I felt pressured to act a certain way around my "crush"/partner which manifested as obsession. 

[dewy]

i'm not sure if obsession is the right word, but i feel like i did idolize my last partner and the idea of dating them a lot before we got in a romantic relationship.

[teletubbyvomit]

i’m not entirely sure, but i think i may have done this as well

[Apathetic Echidna]

My only really deep understanding of love is through the framework of possession. Someone or something has to be My someone or something for me to classify it as love. My parents, My pets, My couch. I am not jealous or controlling about it but it probably falls into a less healthy expression...

[BloodyBlood]

uh man i easily can get obsessed over someone or something idk if its cause my ocd or no X_X

[lovelyleaf]

definitely when I thought I was straight. Like I don't want a romantic relationship with a guy, but I thought I was straight so I just obsessed realllly hard over boys that I thought I like romantically when I actually just thought they were cool and wanted like a sibling type relationship with them because I've always wanted an older brother (and for the record the boys I thought I liked weren't that much older than me). 

[asexualpanda27]

I relate. I was dating someone, and I thought I was in love with them. Maybe I was in a way (I've identified as aro/arospec since before I met them), but I definitely had attachment issues. I did what I thought I was "supposed" to: spent all my free time with them, rearranged my schedule for them, bought them presents, etc. I did whatever I thought would make them happy, and I ignored all the times they made me super sad (like when they ignored me for days or wouldn't respond when I reached out for comfort). I was obsessed with the idea that I could make it work if I just "did it right." 

We've broken up, and I feel so much freer. That was definitely not a healthy relationship, at least not at the end. But looking back, I feel like I was trying way too hard to be something I'm not. I'm out and proud of my aro identity, but in a relationship I still felt bad that I was aro even though they knew and said they didn't mind. 

[Ash2526]

I came out as ace months ago and I'm proud of it. I've been doing some thinking though ever since the person I thought I was In love got a girlfriend. We were kind of waiting for each other and still being romantic to each other but in the end he got a girlfriend and we just stayed friends. While we were being Romantic to each other I would constantly think about him and want to talk to him. I was scared of him being with other people especially people he hung around so much because I was afriad he'd leave me for someone better. I would also overthink alot to the point I would cry at home or be super close to crying in public I tried to not cry whenever I was in public. It got worse when I could tell something was off. I kept thinking about him nonstop wondering did he fall in love with someone else? Is he going to leave me? Eventually he did tell me he got a girlfriend and he wanted to be just friends. I pretended it was ok and told him what I thought he would want to hear but I was really hurt and sad and also angry. I should mention I have had a history with being obsessed with people, I would try my best to make them happy and do what they want but in the end they left for someone else. It reminded me of the past stuff so that's why I was really angry. Later he wanted to distance himself from me to be a good boyfriend but i didnt want to. I thought he was going to distance so we both had a long talk and I told him certain things. Never about the obsession history though because at that time I actually thought i loved all those people. After talking to him and telling him certain things I felt better and the next day had no obsessive or romantic feelings at all.I just see him as a friend now and that's it. But I think about how I most likely did not love him or anyone else and have probably never felt genuine romantic love that I remember. I'm still partly confused on if it was love or not because I'm honestly scared of possibly maybe being aromantic as well because I've always wanted to be in love and have a romantic relationship but seeing how many people that I thought I loved but never did gets me afraid that maybe I never will. I know its not bad and im probably not maybe but I didn't know what to do so I thought maybe aromatic people could help. . I'm still young though so maybe I will feel genuine romantic love later on. This is probably confusing but I'm just hoping I could get some help. I know I definitely need therapy and will try to get it eventually.