Ash2526

I came out as ace months ago and I'm proud of it. I've been doing some thinking though ever since the person I thought I was In love got a girlfriend. We were kind of waiting for each other and still being romantic to each other but in the end he got a girlfriend and we just stayed friends. While we were being Romantic to each other I would constantly think about him and want to talk to him. I was scared of him being with other people especially people he hung around so much because I was afriad he'd leave me for someone better. I would also overthink alot to the point I would cry at home or be super close to crying in public I tried to not cry whenever I was in public. It got worse when I could tell something was off. I kept thinking about him nonstop wondering did he fall in love with someone else? Is he going to leave me? Eventually he did tell me he got a girlfriend and he wanted to be just friends. I pretended it was ok and told him what I thought he would want to hear but I was really hurt and sad and also angry. I should mention I have had a history with being obsessed with people, I would try my best to make them happy and do what they want but in the end they left for someone else. It reminded me of the past stuff so that's why I was really angry. Later he wanted to distance himself from me to be a good boyfriend but i didnt want to. I thought he was going to distance so we both had a long talk and I told him certain things. Never about the obsession history though because at that time I actually thought i loved all those people. After talking to him and telling him certain things I felt better and the next day had no obsessive or romantic feelings at all.I just see him as a friend now and that's it. But I think about how I most likely did not love him or anyone else and have probably never felt genuine romantic love that I remember. I'm still partly confused on if it was love or not because I'm honestly scared of possibly maybe being aromantic as well because I've always wanted to be in love and have a romantic relationship but seeing how many people that I thought I loved but never did gets me afraid that maybe I never will. I know its not bad and im probably not maybe but I didn't know what to do so I thought maybe aromatic people could help. . I'm still young though so maybe I will feel genuine romantic love later on. This is probably confusing but I'm just hoping I could get some help. I know I definitely need therapy and will try to get it eventually.