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Having the fantasies about involving in a romantic relationship, but maybe I just fantasize about myself?


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I‘ve been confused for so long because I do have fantasies about me and some random guy being in a romantic relationship, he maybe some celebrity or just a fictional person in my own mind. That’s why I never thought about me being aromantic. But I realize whenever I have those fantasies, I’m with the person I don’t really know, and I can’t imagine like kissing, cuddling or anything with anyone I know irl. I thought I was just being superficial and it’s because none of the people I know is tall or handsome enough. But I do met someone tall and handsome enough, and he said he likes me, this is when I felt something wrong, I said pls don’t, and we never talked again. This happened several times on several boys. I’m still having those fantasies, with boys in my mind, and I still can’t really get into one relationship. I wonder if I’m aromantic and if I’ve  been fantasizing  with myself all this time.

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Many of us here have experiences where what we want in our heads has no connection to what we can deal with in reality. Much of that, I think, has to do with what we are taught by society as we grow up, that partnering up romantically is normal and has to be done to have a good life. Amatonormativity is everywhere.

An ideal person that you can imagine doing things with is very very different than having a real person in front of you, focusing their feelings on you. Maybe try focusing on your reactions to all the boys you mention. How did their attention make you feel? Those feelings will be a good start to help figure out what feels right and wrong.

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You may be aegoromantic, someone who can only feel romantic attraction in fantasies but not in real life. 

Your experience sounds similar to mine. When I was a lot younger I would also have these fantasies, and I loved the idea of romance. But none of the boys I knew were attractive, at all. It took me ages to realise that I just didn't feel attraction to anyone. 

 

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yeah, don't worry about the fantasies, they often reflect things that you don't necessarily want in reality.

In my case I have a fair few of what I think of as 'male hero' fantasies, daydreaming about being a world class footballer or being a soldier. Doen't mean i want to do that, just means culture works its way into my head and in reality I'm not going to be running off to the nearest warzone any time soon.

As @suchmentioned, if you want a more specific label aegoromantic might be worth looking at.

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Wanting a romantic relationship and feeling romantic attraction are two separate things. There are some aros who really really want to have a romantic partner, but they don't fall in love. Have you ever been in love?

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It was not until last week that I got to know about aromanticism. I used to enjoy the idea of romance and love.
Back when I was in high school, I had a crush(I thought it was crush but I’m not so sure about it now) on a boy, but I can’t stand the idea of being in a romantic relationship with him and of course, I didn’t do anything to get approach to him, after a few months the feelings naturally faded away. In college, I saw another boy in a debating competition, I felt attracted by him but I still didn’t do anything, I don’t even know his name yet. I think these manifest that I was Lithromantic. Other than the only two boys, I tried to flirt with other boys. To be fair, I’d rather call it “observing”, I found it interesting to see how people flirting and stuff, I knew I’m not attracted. My current state is that I enjoy being alone and I plan my career and life without a partner in it. 
But you see, many aros don’t like or care about the idea of romance or love, but I did, I thought I understand it. Do I understand it? It’s so hard to tell:(

Edited by Hytrence
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I would advice not to put too much energy on micro labels. They're just short cuts made to help you describe your experience. If you do find one that resonates with you and want to use it, great! If not that's great too, your feelings are still just as valid.

Take a bit of time, think about it and read around online and then maybe you'll decide to identify as aro. It's not a prescription someone gives you, you decide whether the term fits with your experience.

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Bruh——I intended to reply but I reported:facepalm: and I can’t find it now. This is my very first time using an English forum, maybe I should learn how it works. But thank you all for helping me🥺 I really appreciate your kindness!! :D

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