Is it me, or the alloromantic ideals in my head?

[VeeTea]

Hey! I am new on here. I'm very sure I fall on the asexual spectrum, but the romantic spectrum has always been confusing for me. This is going to go a bit into detail about my romantic experiences, sorry if it's TMI.

I know that I am sometimes romance-repulsed: that was why I broke up with my first and last (HAH) boyfriend (I realized I didn't experience romantic attraction with him). But I remember being about 12 years old and having a crush on a boy...at least I think I did? I always loved the idea of romance and soulmates as a child, could my 'crush' have been a reflection of such ideals? Were my emotions ever real, or did I convince myself that I liked him? I was quite naïve, after all.

Anyway, if anyone has experience with a similar situation, I'd be glad to hear about it. Or if you just want to provide your opinion, go ahead. I really don't mind. Thanks!!

[ilse]

i personally don't think it's my place or anyone's really to tell you if your emotions are real or not, only you can decide if what you felt for that boy was you genuinely crushing on him or "choosing" to crush on him.

eitherway, you mentioned you were 12 at the time, age in which it's pretty common to want to experience love and crushes so maybe those feelings could have been a reflection? but i repeat, it's not up to me to judge your emotions as true or false, after all, no one knows your heart as well as you do.

[alto]

Well, I suggest reading up on CompHet and polyamory.  Doing that helped me parse out my feelings a lot.

[dianam]

ive had a few experiences similar and looking back for one of the guys especially, i discovered he liked me and i then "chose" to like him back. another was just everyone in our class liked him so i chose to too. I never really imagined my future, and i can't see myself in a loving romantic environment or getting married to somebody "i love" etc so i did some reading on it (not enough so i should probably do more) and i discovered aromantics and it all kinda made sense. 

[Sofia]

Hii!! 

Im pretty similar to you in experience. Both in that I had a boyfriend who I realised I did not have romantic feelings for, and also that I had like "crushes" on a few (talking like 3) boys when I was around 12. Today looking back Im not really sure if they even were romantic and if they instead could fall in another category of attraction like emotional. Maybe what you experienced when you were younger is something similar in which you could not differentiate between the different types of attraction and therefore just asssigned the "romantic" role to you feelings if that makes sense. 

Or hey, maybe it was romantic attraction you felt and in that case its ok too. Ones experiences as a kid, especially before puberty, are confusing and whats important (atleast in my opinion) is if you havent felt romantic attraction since then or for a long time. 

[rationalcucumber]

I have a similar experience.

I think I had a crush on this boy in like second grade. He was super smart, athletic, and pretty. I was too nervous around him to talk to him. Looking back at it, I'm not sure if it was a crush or not. There is a possibility I just wanted to be as smart as him (I also was constantly comparing our "relationship" to that of Marinette and Adrien from Miraculous Ladybug, as it was around the time of its popularity, so idk). But it was the only crush I've had in my life, so I'm still confident in my identity (after all, the description is little to no romantic attraction).

Just like you, I love the idea of soulmates. My favourite  fanfiction genre is meeting your soulmate. I've thought about it, and I think it might be rooted in my aromanticism! I love the idea of being close with someone, but I don't understand falling in love; the soulmate genre provides just that. There is no flirting, foreplay, or other uncomfortable stuff, its just two people meeting and instantly being "extra friends" (or however you want to name it).